I’m just going for a lie down…

[Fourinaroomboredmn]

Again-Dp, every weekend…when’s my lie down?

Another weekend of me doing everything and I’m really starting to lose respect now.

We have a Dd, 3, I worked full time all my life (had Dd late) I’m now at home with her, which I’m grateful for (although it’s bloody hard work!) but I’m also doing the majority at the weekend too, or I see it as that, Dp says I’m so difficult to live with.

This weekend went as follows:

Friday night: dp comes home 7 ish after drinks after work, it’s my turn to put dd to bed (we take it in turns) she’s been hyper all
day, over 12 hours of this.
I’ve made dinner, organised a film night, dd bathed, dressed etc-I take her to bed.

Saturday

Get up, I get dd up, washing up still there from the dinner I made last night. I get dd ready for early ballet lesson at new place. I’d told Dp about it the night before and how I wasn’t sure exactly where it was so we needed to look it up and how I thought it would be tricky to park. He starts to say he’ll follow me up on his bike (electric motorbike) as he needs to go to the shops to get himself some things, so I’m left taking her to her new dance, alone.
The day follows a similar pattern, we take her to the playground and for lunch. I take her for a nap, he goes out for two hours to the shops, she won’t nap, so I’m playing with her. He returns home, goes in the toilet for over an hour, sits down for a bit on his phone, goes up again later for over an hour, comes down plays with dd in garden whilst I make dinner, she’s tired by this point and difficult, screaming at the kitchen door, so I have to move her and comfort her (evilest I’m trying to make dinner) he’s sat watching YouTube

Sunday: He’s sleeping in (fell asleep on the sofa) it’s getting later and later, I send dd down to wake him so he can get her breakfast ready. He puts her in the chair, goes to the toilet for ages. I come down, he goes out to the shop for over an hour and a half, I’m with dd.
He comes back, asks what’s up with me, I say I’m tired, he says so is he and that he barely slept last night.
Dd asks to go to the woods to look for flowers and to take dog for walk (it’s two houses down) he moans and asks if I’m coming, I say I’m too tired, he complains that so is he and he needs a lie down, I angrily get DD’s lunch ready and hoover and he takes them out.

Now sat here with 5 minutes peace-completely sick of it.

Aibu and am uptight or he is selfish & lazy

just a word of warning that maybe you could pass on to him. my hubby has just gone thr a procedure at the hospital which has involved more things up his arse than i care to think! all due to his toilet habits! him spending an hour or so a time on the loo just sat there reading, i had told him time after time how unfair he was being in a house of 5 or us and one loo, and he never cared/listened, so now things have all changed as the surgeon has said that he caused this issue himself! something he could have avoided if only he had listened of you dont go sitting on a loo unless you need to actually do something

@Comedycook

I'm a SAHP to a similarly aged child (who goes to nursery three half days a week as we're in the UK, I know you aren't). My husband is a medic, so he's working long hours in a stressful job where people's lives depend on him and so am I. He does all night wakings unless working (I do the early mornings), he does every bath time and story time, all the washing up, the ironing, the end of day tidy up while I'm doing bedtime

Sorry but I think that's shocking! You have one child? Who goes to nursery? You could easily handle the chores. Don't get me wrong I don't think the working parent shouldn't have to do anything but one child who is in childcare is not difficult.

@Comedycook

You think it's shocking that a grown man works full time and then comes home and does some parenting, washing up and ironing - yet you don't think the working parent shouldn't have to do anything? How much less should he do, in your opinion?

I do his laundry, plan for, shop for and cook his meals, post his mail etc. (all things he'd have to do for himself if he was a single man working in the same job). Neither of us does the cleaning, we pay someone else to do that We like to front load chores during the weekdays so that our evenings and weekends are freer. We aim for equal leisure time - I don't sit around on my behind eating bon bons while he's at work, and he doesn't do it when he gets home from work if the child needs attention and the chores aren't done. We sit around on our behinds eating bon bons together once everything is done

You need a break. 7 days 24 seven is a killer. I'd rather work on a saturday in a supermarket just to get a break from being mum. This would force your DH to step up.

You think it's shocking that a grown man works full time and then comes home and does some parenting, washing up and ironing

Parenting is a reasonable expectation. But, to have one child who is in some kind of childcare, a cleaner and to still expect your dh to do the ironing is really awful. What do you do all day? I'm a sahm of school age dc...I wouldn't dream of expecting my DH to do laundry. If and when I get a job, then we will split the chores

Oh god, he’s useless. I’m SAHM to four under six and could not cope without DP pulling his weight. He’d love to go for after work drinks, dither around the shops alone and sit on his phone and take ages in the toilet I’m sure but he would never be that selfish and inadequate. That’s not the stage of life we are in right now. You need to wake that man up somehow, he needs to right a list of of things around the house that he is responsible for and a list of things he enjoys doing or would like to try doing with his daughter, things that are enjoyable to him too.

@Lesserspottedmama

Oh god, he’s useless. I’m SAHM to four under six and could not cope without DP pulling his weight. He’d love to go for after work drinks, dither around the shops alone and sit on his phone and take ages in the toilet I’m sure but he would never be that selfish and inadequate. That’s not the stage of life we are in right now. You need to wake that man up somehow, he needs to right a list of of things around the house that he is responsible for and a list of things he enjoys doing or would like to try doing with his daughter, things that are enjoyable to him too.

Huge difference between four kids and one!

Parenting is a reasonable expectation. But, to have one child who is in some kind of childcare, a cleaner and to still expect your dh to do the ironing is really awful. What do you do all day? I'm a sahm of school age dc...I wouldn't dream of expecting my DH to do laundry. If and when I get a job, then we will split the chores

Well, for the 70% of the working week that our nursery, not school aged, son isn't in childcare I'm looking after him So that's my "job" during the hours my husband is at work, poorly paid and with rubbish holiday allowance as it may be.

On those days I stay on top of the general daily chores like making the beds, clearing up from making lunch and so on but apart from that I'm taking the child to groups, feeding him, taking him to the park, playing with him etc. He will entertain himself for short periods but those are the times I use to do things like tidy the bedrooms and make our lunch. We are obviously very privileged to be able to afford a cleaner meaning that that doesn't have to be squeezed in by either of us but I don't really understand why a SAHP would be expected to, say, clean the bathroom while in sole charge of a young child if it was affordable for them not to have to do that. My husband prefers that I can focus on our child. I haven't bothered asking the cleaner if she'd iron because it's mostly my husband's work shirts and he's quite capable of doing them himself (I do deign to wash and them for him, though), neither of us like cleaning though so as we can afford not to do it we don't (he uses ironing time to catch up on his trashy TV shows of choice).

When our son is at nursery I do the meal planning, food shopping, laundry, dinner prep, life admin (insurances etc.), spend hours on the phone to the utility companies and so on. Again, it is a luxury as a parent to be able to fit things like that into the time when I'm on my own (rather than making those sorts of calls while looking after children, which would presumably be the only option for parents with younger children and no childcare or single working parents, for example) but seeing as we can arrange our lives like that, why wouldn't we?

Taking the 336 hours available between both of us over the course of the week we split them into time spend earning money, time spent doing chores, time spent looking after the child and leisure time. We each do a different amount of the first three but we get the same amount of leisure time. We are fortunate that because our income is reasonably high we can outsource some of the necessary work and therefore have more leisure time available in the evenings and on the weekends. But neither of us would sit down in the evening while the other was still "working", in whatever capacity that was.

@Wroxie He's spending an hour in the toilet because he's wanking over porn on his phone. I don't blame the poor man, imagine working full time and coming home to a wife who doesn't work but is so exhausted after being at home with one kid all day. I've worked full time in a stressful job before I had kids and now I have 3 kids. Anyone who says being at home with young children all day is as hard as working full time needs a reality check, yes it's boring and you need time out for yourself but it's not an actual job. I can understand why you're pissed off though, I was bored shitless at home all day. Make a couple of nights for yourself each week where you can go out and do what you want after your little one is in bed, see a friend or join a dance class x

@notamilf Nice!

[quote notamilf]**@Wroxie* He's spending an hour in the toilet because he's wanking over porn on his phone.* I don't blame the poor man, imagine working full time and coming home to a wife who doesn't work but is so exhausted after being at home with one kid all day. I've worked full time in a stressful job before I had kids and now I have 3 kids. Anyone who says being at home with young children all day is as hard as working full time needs a reality check, yes it's boring and you need time out for yourself but it's not an actual job. I can understand why you're pissed off though, I was bored shitless at home all day. Make a couple of nights for yourself each week where you can go out and do what you want after your little one is in bed, see a friend or join a dance class x[/quote]
This is definitely a wind up from another clueless male. Gosh he must be laughing so hard at his own unfunny jokes it's quite sad really. Bless