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AIBU?

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Original poster

Would you marry for wealth?

369 replies

COOKFORD · 02/10/2021 17:40

On a thread recently a woman in her 30s said she pursued a man 40 years her senior in a quest to secure financial security.
As a female of a similar age, it made me think a lot. Whilst I can't, or at least at a stage, couldn't imagine sleeping with a man of that age, I can see why people would do it and can make sense of it.
The poster said she was sick of being broke and working for nothing and with that I can relate to. She never gave any details of her job etc but as a college graduate with a degree I myself work in a professional job yet am still renting and likely always will be with little savings and bugger all pension really.
The older I get the more it scares me and I would consider it I think sometimes but I don't know if I could go through with it. Could you?

OP posts:
Original poster
COOKFORD · 02/10/2021 18:29

Maybe I'm naive but I don't believe marrying for money really exists.
There must be something about the person you actually like

google anne nicole smith and her husband.

OP posts:
Kendodd · 02/10/2021 18:30

Wether we like it or not, women are not willing to commit if there is not a good “nest” to bring children up

If only that were true!

DrSbaitso · 02/10/2021 18:31

I don't believe marrying for money really exists.

Yeah, the beautiful young Melania married Donald Trump for his personality, principles and good hair.

Original poster
COOKFORD · 02/10/2021 18:31

It makes me laugh that women latch on to men for financial security. It is in no way a secure arrangement. What happens when he's tired of you or if he mistreats you

cos if you divorce him and he's minted it should ensure a good payout especially with kids involved. There's plenty of linda hamiltons running around.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 02/10/2021 18:32

What happens when he's tired of you or if he mistreats you

You divorce him and get the settlement, of course.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 02/10/2021 18:34

I have a good friend who married someone 26 years her senior and he's wealthy. She met him when she was in her early 20's and although she didn't fancy him as such, she knew he could offer her the lifestyle she wanted and she liked him as a person. She's very successful professionally now but if she hadn't met and married him I'm not sure she'd be where she is now as a lot of her opportunities came through the connections he brought to the relationship. They've just celebrated their 30th anniversary and she's still happy in the relationship.

Some marry for money and it works for them.

ChequerBoard · 02/10/2021 18:34

@COOKFORD

It makes me laugh that women latch on to men for financial security. It is in no way a secure arrangement. What happens when he's tired of you or if he mistreats you

cos if you divorce him and he's minted it should ensure a good payout especially with kids involved. There's plenty of linda hamiltons running around.

It doesn't always work like that.

I know women whose wealthy husbands hid their wealth very successfully through divorce cases and the wives ended up with very little to show for it - even those with multiple DC.

sayanythingelse · 02/10/2021 18:35

I sometimes think about it.

We rent on the nice side of town. A respectable 3 bed semi but there are a lot of huge houses down the road. 7 bedrooms. Private drives.
I went to a few playgroups and all of the mummies were there in their Range Rovers, free to do whatever they wanted with their days as their husbands were at work earning mega bucks.

I can't say I'm jealous. I'm not materialistic and I love DH, so I wouldn't trade him in for a potential rich but loveless marriage but it would be nice not to have to worry about bills or whether we'll ever afford to buy a house.

GrandmasCat · 02/10/2021 18:36

I think that’s a good point, the fact the guy is rich and older won’t necessarily make the woman unhappy.

Iflyaway · 02/10/2021 18:36

If you were completely open with the person you were marrying and told them you didn't fancy them but only wanted the financial security

Then he will drop you like a hot potato.

People think older rich people are senile. No.

Rich people are a lot more on the ball as to who wants to scam them.

OhWhyNot · 02/10/2021 18:36

Why is it always framed as the women marrying for money and not the men marrying for sex with a young woman?

Because a man can’t help himself of a young women throws herself at him Hmm

I think as long as both are happy both know what ties their relationship what’s the problem

Original poster
COOKFORD · 02/10/2021 18:38

*It doesn't always work like that.

I know women whose wealthy husbands hid their wealth very successfully through divorce cases and the wives ended up with very little to show for it - even those with multiple DC*

of course, there are no guarantees but marriage into wealth does greatly increase your chances you'll be comfortable until your dying day.

OP posts:
Couchbettato · 02/10/2021 18:38

As a love-cynic, I would absolutely marry for money. Love has made me happy, sad, confused, codependent, lack in identity and has wasted valuable years of my life that I'll never get back.

All while being piss poor.

So yeah, I'd marry for money.

QueenBee52 · 02/10/2021 18:38

hahaaa

nobody is ever going to admit that they would or have done this in real life 😂

Lex345 · 02/10/2021 18:39

I married DH for love, still happy. I have always thought if for any reason we split I would not remarry, but possibly for financial security for myself and our children, if I could not secure it myself, then yes, I probably would marry for wealth.

But then again, I look at Donald Trump and think actually, I would rather live in a ditch.

Original poster
COOKFORD · 02/10/2021 18:39

I think as long as both are happy both know what ties their relationship what’s the problem

would you say the same if it was your 30-year-old daughter and a 75-year-old she brought home??

OP posts:
Autumngoldleaf · 02/10/2021 18:39

No definitely not for money but I have had an older bf.
It was strange how a close friend couldn't understand the attraction 😂... Fine that she didn't find him attractive I did but she could not get it at all and never looked past the no.
It was a short but very treasured affair... And he happened to also be reasonably well off.

Autumngoldleaf · 02/10/2021 18:41

Cook I guess I'd be very surprised and shocked but once my dp met my older bf they both instantly liked him and understood what I saw in him as well. All got on very well.

I guess going on to have a family would have been different?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 02/10/2021 18:41

@DrSbaitso I'm she it is, but it's an oft quoted phrase, presumably designed to put people off, what do I care, I've already said I'd do it.

AICM · 02/10/2021 18:44

@Zerrin13

Hell yes! A girl's got to live.
Get a job?
blueshoes · 02/10/2021 18:45

@Iflyaway

If you were completely open with the person you were marrying and told them you didn't fancy them but only wanted the financial security

Then he will drop you like a hot potato.

People think older rich people are senile. No.

Rich people are a lot more on the ball as to who wants to scam them.

Yes, rich people smell gold diggers a mile away.

Rich old men usually have an existing family or families which create additional complication and also people he will is more likely to leave his money on his death.

Finally, after investing time and effort 'courting' this old moneybags to marry her, he may suddenly ask her to sign a pre-nup, then what?

She may be on a hiding to nothing. It is a high risk strategy.

Original poster
COOKFORD · 02/10/2021 18:45

Cook I guess I'd be very surprised and shocked but once my dp met my older bf they both instantly liked him and understood what I saw in him as well. All got on very well

yea there is 'older' and then there's 40 years difference.

OP posts:
Starrycolors23 · 02/10/2021 18:45

Hugely disagree with prostituting yourself. People are so judgemental and it shows their own insecurities.

In general; most relationships are based on something superficial - for example, looks / wealth. It would be a lie for a lot of people to say on here that their husband isn’t with them because he was attracted to them physically. You can even say intelligence - being intelligent isnt necessarily better than being beautiful. They’re all qualities which are transparent. So I don’t think there is ever anything sinister about going for someone due to wealth, just like I don’t blame all the celebrity couples for going for supermodels. However, it’s whether there is something deeper. Did the person get to know them and build an actual solid relationship or does it always remain purely superficial?

DrSbaitso · 02/10/2021 18:46

Finally, after investing time and effort 'courting' this old moneybags to marry her

Why the assumption that he's not courting her?

MakingM · 02/10/2021 18:47

No, I couldn't marry someone for money. I suspect it would take a lot of effort tbh. I'd rather read.

There's no reason why a much older gentleman wouldn't make a loving companion, a good husband and a great father tbh so that's that bit dealt with.

I think the clincher is: could you imagine having sex with this person and building a life with them if they had only just enough money to provide security? Or if they lost their money? If you can say, yeah, they aren't the pash of my life but I'm comfortable with them, we're a good fit for each other personality-wise, then this is a perfectly acceptable arrangement.

So, do you think you might @COOKFORD?