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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you marry for wealth?

369 replies

COOKFORD · 02/10/2021 17:40

On a thread recently a woman in her 30s said she pursued a man 40 years her senior in a quest to secure financial security.
As a female of a similar age, it made me think a lot. Whilst I can't, or at least at a stage, couldn't imagine sleeping with a man of that age, I can see why people would do it and can make sense of it.
The poster said she was sick of being broke and working for nothing and with that I can relate to. She never gave any details of her job etc but as a college graduate with a degree I myself work in a professional job yet am still renting and likely always will be with little savings and bugger all pension really.
The older I get the more it scares me and I would consider it I think sometimes but I don't know if I could go through with it. Could you?

OP posts:
Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 02/10/2021 18:16

I think there's a saying..
Marry for money, you earn every penny?

DamnUserName21 · 02/10/2021 18:16

Also why not better herself to increase her earning potential rather than prostitute herself? Assume because it's easier so for her she doesn't mind it too much as an option. Or is she after massive wealth?

Maybe this person can't 'better herself' because of family commitments (multiple children or disabled child), or doesn't have the academic background or potential, or any business sense, has never worked and/or has zero confidence. Not everyone can or will earn more--there is very much a glass ceiling for women in certain situations.

DrSbaitso · 02/10/2021 18:18

@thedevilinablackdress

So, someone in their 70s? Bruce Springsteen, Harrison Ford, Tom Sellick - sure.
I'm already Harrison Ford's willing slave. No money required.
Original poster
COOKFORD · 02/10/2021 18:19

Not everyone can or will earn more--there is very much a glass ceiling for women in certain situations

whilst men may dominate the top spots it's still the minority, there's plenty of men out there in the same dire financial positions as women.

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 02/10/2021 18:20

@Ihopeyourcakeisshit

I think there's a saying.. Marry for money, you earn every penny?
That's true of most income streams.
Zenithbear · 02/10/2021 18:20

look around you, most men, and people, won't look great at 60 never mind 70s.

Do you mean the ones who already look awful in their 20s, 30s and 40s? What with the bottox lips, fake eyelashes, drawn on eyebrows, not to mention the massive weight issues of a huge majority of them.

Btw Men and people?! Confused

Disfordarkchocolate · 02/10/2021 18:20

No. I don't see it as prostitution either. If both people get something they want and treat each other well its none of my business.

After seeing the episode of Sex in the City where Samantha sleeps with an old man it's not something I could do.

Original poster
COOKFORD · 02/10/2021 18:21

No. I don't see it as prostitution either. If both people get something they want and treat each other well its none of my business

you could say that about prostitution though.

OP posts:
WildFlowerBees · 02/10/2021 18:22

I wonder how many of those who married much older weather men were shocked when they realised with money came their wrinkly balls that they wanted slapped 7 days a week?

MushMonster · 02/10/2021 18:22

Nope.
I do not care how much I have to work, in the meantime I can provide home, food and warmth, I am proud of it. I always say, more work, more health. It keeps me away from the jar of biscuits! And close to my lovely husband.

In an apocalyptic world where I could not provide, I may think about it.

WildFlowerBees · 02/10/2021 18:22

Not weather men wealthier 🙄

DrSbaitso · 02/10/2021 18:23

@Disfordarkchocolate

No. I don't see it as prostitution either. If both people get something they want and treat each other well its none of my business.

After seeing the episode of Sex in the City where Samantha sleeps with an old man it's not something I could do.

The bum shot was a body double. The man who did it was delighted to have a claim to fame and his wife was just glad he'd got to fulfil his dream.

If anyone needs me, I'll be staring at this like an idiot all evening.

Would you marry for wealth?
Original poster
COOKFORD · 02/10/2021 18:24

I always say, more work, more health. It keeps me away from the jar of biscuits

I would say the opposite is true and many turn to the biscuit box from the stress of work.

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 02/10/2021 18:24

"Work smart, not hard."

GrandmasCat · 02/10/2021 18:24

Going to play devils advocate here, ok?

Every woman say they wouldn’t “Prostitute” themselves for money but…

  • how many women stay in dreadful relationships for the sake of the financial convenience? say they are staying for the children but if they had the money to afford it, they would make a run. Ergo, they are staying for the money.
  • How many women see an unemployed man as attractive? He could be the perfect father and house husband but very few would be happy about him not providing much or the most of the financial stability.
  • Wether we like it or not, women are not willing to commit if there is not a good “nest” to bring children up, it is instinctual, in the past we would be attracted to the best hunter, these days we are attracted to “successful reliable men”

Your friend is somewhat extreme (or has huge debts!) if she is actively looking someone 40 years older for financial security, but she is just honest where others aren’t.

MatildaIThink · 02/10/2021 18:25

No, because I am a decent human being.

DrSbaitso · 02/10/2021 18:25

@WildFlowerBees

I wonder how many of those who married much older weather men were shocked when they realised with money came their wrinkly balls that they wanted slapped 7 days a week?
I'm sure they were already aware.
DrSbaitso · 02/10/2021 18:26

@MatildaIThink

No, because I am a decent human being.
Assuming both parties are aware of the deal and willing, what's indecent about it?
DamnUserName21 · 02/10/2021 18:26

@COOKFORD

Not everyone can or will earn more--there is very much a glass ceiling for women in certain situations

whilst men may dominate the top spots it's still the minority, there's plenty of men out there in the same dire financial positions as women.

So? Your thread is about poor women marrying old dudes for money. Some poor men marry older women for money too. [shrug]
RedBonnet · 02/10/2021 18:27

I was a destitute single parent but went to uni and pulled myself out of the mire. I worked for what I've got. No way would I expect someone else to support me.

I am proud to say I did it myself.

Perhaps some people have less integrity and are happy to marry for money, just not for me.

Kendodd · 02/10/2021 18:27

Maybe I'm naive but I don't believe marrying for money really exists.
There must be something about the person you actually like. You couldn't live with and have sex with someone you disliked.
I remember when I was in my early twenties, I met a man of about sixty, we became sort of, friends, nothing romantic though. Anyway, he was so interested, well travelled, knowledge and sophisticated, I did think at the time that I can really see why a young women would get with an older man.
Money is like good looks, might act as bait to reel someone in but it won't keep them if you don't like the person underneath.

DrSbaitso · 02/10/2021 18:27

Why is it always framed as the women marrying for money and not the men marrying for sex with a young woman?

Original poster
COOKFORD · 02/10/2021 18:28

So? Your thread is about poor women marrying old dudes for money.
Some poor men marry older women for money too

not necessarily ''poor women'', you can be a good earner these days in a professionally educated job and still be unable to afford a house or even a 1-bed apartment.

OP posts:
ChequerBoard · 02/10/2021 18:28

@Zerrin13

Hell yes! A girl's got to live.

Maybe 'a girl' could woman up and get a job/career so she is successful in her own right and not beholden to someone else?

It makes me laugh that women latch on to men for financial security. It is in no way a secure arrangement. What happens when he's tired of you or if he mistreats you?

Just remember you lie down with dogs and you get up with fleas.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/10/2021 18:28

No, not if it was purely for wealth and I had no attraction to them. I could not have sex with someone I don't fancy.