When some of my friends were in their early 20ss [now mid-60s] they did marry men 20/25 years older, and they are still together, still happy, one had been a bachelor, one divorced but both had houses, neither were that well paid, reasonably, but not enormously, the men are now getting to the time of life where their health is not brilliant, but they are happy to accept that.
As a mid 60s woman whose divorce took a lot of money from me, but now I'm looking forward to a reasonable pension next year, I'd not risk marrying someone who could affect my financial security in my old age if we divorced. If I ever decided I wanted to marry again I'd need to know that should he leave me and divorce me [or vice versa] that I would not be in a worse financial situation than I would be without. I'd prefer to live with him to be honest, or just have him as a good friend with whom I spent time and went out and about for company but living at his. I have joked that I'd not marry again unless it was to a very old rich man with no family, maybe that's bad but I'd know that he wasn't going to leave me skint for the rest of my life
I'd want him to be kind, and not abusive, had enough of that sort of thing. I'd not want him to have a difficult family situation after a divorce, that would stress me out.
When I became single again and trying to make friends, with whom to go out I went to meetups, not looking for a man at all, but there was someone there that I knew superficially and seemed really nice, but after being in a group with him for a few sessions, no way would I want anything to do with him,I feel that I have really got to really get to know someone before I even consider getting into a relationship.
I honestly don't think I'd want someone much younger than I am, I guess that I'd be looking for a retired widower who'd had a happy marriage
Re Revd Collins in Pride and prejudice, honestly, the situation for women back then could be dire, Keep single and look after your parents and you probably end up a governess or a poor old woman, unless there was family money. if your marriage broke down because of cruelty or whatever, and you did manage to get divorced,, which you couldn't do really unless you were rich and he'd been an absolute bastard, you had no right to see your children. If your husband was pleasant and respectable and had enough money, you could very well fall in love with him. With the poorer class of people if your spouse died, or your child was illegitimate, if you were a woman with children, then you looked probably for a man in a similar situation to you, he needed someone to look after his children and you didn't want to loose your children by being in the workhouse. If he was known to you and you knew that he had been a good husband, wasn't violent or drunk then it really was a no brainer. I know from my own family that not all love matches turned out happily
Marriage is a financial arrangement at it's heart, the phrase 'to have and to hold' also was used in land contracts, when I saw that in an old land deed that someone had up on their wall, it really brought it home to me
Who thinks it wrong that someone like Ken Dodd only married his partner of 40 years, basically on his deathbed, so that she would be able to inherit and to reduce his tax bill, what if he had a fatal heart attack rather than a slow illness leading to death, would he have married her had they had children, who knows.