Would you marry for wealth?

[COOKFORD]

On a thread recently a woman in her 30s said she pursued a man 40 years her senior in a quest to secure financial security.
As a female of a similar age, it made me think a lot. Whilst I can't, or at least at a stage, couldn't imagine sleeping with a man of that age, I can see why people would do it and can make sense of it.
The poster said she was sick of being broke and working for nothing and with that I can relate to. She never gave any details of her job etc but as a college graduate with a degree I myself work in a professional job yet am still renting and likely always will be with little savings and bugger all pension really.
The older I get the more it scares me and I would consider it I think sometimes but I don't know if I could go through with it. Could you?

No he was a very sad man who bought the attention of the women. The question was about whether someone would marry for money. You can start a separate thread about People who fall for it

@COOKFORD you say that wanting family and companionship is 'noble and natural but wanting 'excessive money' isn't. 2 counterpoints:

1. The survival instinct is the most primal - in fact it underlies all other needs. Physical needs and safety is at the very bottom of Maslow's hierarchy far ahead of love or companionship. I would say that marrying for money rather than love is the more natural.

'Nobility' is a fine concept but again - misguided. Wanting a child is not noble, it is selfish and driven by the human biological desire to pro-create. In the modern world we don't need to ensure the survival of our species but people still want something made in their self-image. And as for human companionship - it's also linked to security, making it no different from money.

1. The underlying concept is that people are marrying those that they do not love. You may think some motives are more 'noble' than others but that doesn't change the fact. It is a transactional action. Whether the outcome of that transaction is gaining money, or a child, it is still performed to obtain something. And the outcome is the same - once people have gotten what they are it will break down. There is no extra love or anything justifying a transactional married.

It's just that women who marry for money are easy targets to villify.

I think I would look for someone hardworking and kind and financially responsible (not necessarily rich - just making the most of what they have). I think it also depends what type of poverty we are talking about - Starving, unable to afford healthcare vs unable to buy a house.

In U.K., if I didn’t have any dependents or health issues, I think I would not marry for money. Maybe if I was in a place where I had no healthcare, food, or if i was unable to work.

Like feminism never happened

I have worked hard I have always been independent from 17 I’ve lived abroad alone and travelled to many countries independently have bought up my ds independently have senior role

I don’t need a man but I would like comforts that I am unlikely to have because I will never earn the money that can buy them as I get older and if an older wealthy man can provide that and I him with some company well if the situation came about it’s a choice not a need

I don’t have a comfortable future to look forward to. I shall be working into my 70’s. I will make the best of things I’m good at doing that but to have financial choices would be wonderful and be nice to not have to be so independent all the time

So when it comes to younger women marrying wealthy older men...

The angle is always that she married for money, not that he married for a young warm body...

Everyone asks why she would do it, nobody wonders why he would...

She's whoring herself out (even if she's not actually sleeping with or married to him, and is effectively just one of a chorus of paid actresses to maintain his only half-serious image), he's just indulging a little fantasy...

She is worthy of disgust. I don't know what he's worthy of, since that doesn't get mentioned for some reason...

He must not be misled, as wealthy 70 year olds apparently are when a hot 30-something shows interest...

She is doing the courting, he apparently never takes any action to make something like this happen...

She's a thief if he decides to leave his wealth to her instead of his kids..

Given that women apparently control fucking everything that men do regarding sex and money, it's a real mystery as to how so many get shafted.

@MarineBlue33

I haven't read the whole thread but I remember someone once saying: "Marry money but don't marry for money"

I didn't do that btw

That's very wise

They both get something out of it. The man or woman with money gets a young, good looking partner on their arm and their bed and the other partner gets to access lots of money, for the small price of removing their self-respect.

@DrSbaitso

So when it comes to younger women marrying wealthy older men...

The angle is always that she married for money, not that he married for a young warm body...

Everyone asks why she would do it, nobody wonders why he would...

She's whoring herself out (even if she's not actually sleeping with or married to him, and is effectively just one of a chorus of paid actresses to maintain his only half-serious image), he's just indulging a little fantasy...

She is worthy of disgust. I don't know what he's worthy of, since that doesn't get mentioned for some reason...

He must not be misled, as wealthy 70 year olds apparently are when a hot 30-something shows interest...

She is doing the courting, he apparently never takes any action to make something like this happen...

She's a thief if he decides to leave his wealth to her instead of his kids..

Given that women apparently control fucking everything that men do regarding sex and money, it's a real mystery as to how so many get shafted.

Exactly! Both sides are going into it, so why the need to villify the woman? And it's ALWAYS the woman's fault. This isn't a third world country where women get married off (believe me, I know, my grandmother married at 12 to my 16 year old grandfather). Or prostitution where women are trafficked and exploited.

This one is a choice - and it's up to people to make.

It's like those men who marry old British women for a visa. It's sick

@LukeEvansWife

They both get something out of it. The man or woman with money gets a young, good looking partner on their arm and their bed and the other partner gets to access lots of money, for the small price of removing their self-respect.

Who are you to tell someone if they respect themselves or not? Just because you impose a double standard in that women are "whoring themselves" (I didn't know you could do that without another person!) while men are just a bit pathetic doesn't mean everyone else thinks you're right.

@LukeEvansWife

It's like those men who marry old British women for a visa. It's sick

Maybe the men lack self respect and the women are just indulging a fantasy.

No - either sex can be whoring themselves out to someone else for money.

People who sleep with other people for money are prostitutes.

Why are you assuming it's only men that are the rich ones in this scenario?

Maybe the men lack self respect and the women are just indulging a fantasy.

That's what I am saying.

If you shag or marry someone purely for money, whatever sex you are, you are selling yourself

If there is anything amoral or offensive or sick about any of this, then it's on the customer. If you object to this kind of transaction, buying a person is worse than being bought.

Supply is useless without demand. Demand controls a market.

Prostitutes

Then so are all those women who won’t leave their husbands because of financil security and there is many of them

Ah okay - so all these men and women selling themselves are doing it because they are forced into it? Of course [hmm

Both parties are fucked op

@AngelDelight28

I wouldn't marry purely for money but also wouldn't have married someone who didn't have a decent job. I wanted someone on my wavelength, an equal. So I wouldn't have wanted someone with no prospects but on the other hand have no interest in being someone's trophy or subordinate. Surely there's a big middle ground between marrying for love and being dirt poor, or marrying someone you're not attracted to just for money.

The people saying they would do it if they were poor/cleaning the loos at Wetherspoons/can't feed their children etc...it's irrelevant because real life isn't a Cinderella fairy tale, in reality wealthy men marry upper class socialite-type women or stunning models/singers/actresses...
not random broke single mums such as average looking Sharon from 'Spoons.

And when a rich man does marry a much poorer woman it's almost always a vastly unequal relationship. You're not going to be able to just do what you want, you're there to serve his needs. No such thing as a free lunch, he who pays the piper calls the tune, etc. etc.
No doubt someone will be along to tell me how they married for money and their much wealthier man treats them like an equal and they're blissfully happy with their choices....in which case crack on, but generally your experience isn't the norm.

I agree with this. If you get to 75 and you marry the single bloke in the nursing home, it’s unlikely he is “ the one” you’d been waiting for all your life. It’s just your best option at the time.

If none of your previous “ loving” relationships worked out you might as well try something different. Clearly whatever else you were doing didn’t get you anywhere.

Of my single friends ( we’re all 50ish) pretty much all are financially comfortable thanks to a previous marriage or inheritance. It’s very hard to be genuinely well off without help, either financial or in terms of childcare/time. Hats off to those that are but it’s tricky, It applies to men too I think.

@LukeEvansWife

Maybe the men lack self respect and the women are just indulging a fantasy.

That's what I am saying.

If you shag or marry someone purely for money, whatever sex you are, you are selling yourself

No, that's not what you were saying at all. You specifically said women were "whoring themselves" (nobody else involved, apparently!) while Hefner or Stringfellow or whoever it was was just kidding himself, a much lesser insult. (Also bollocks, though. Of course they knew the women were only there for money, they were paying them! They were actresses!)

Once the double standard was pointed out, you quickly threw in men who marry women for visas, but the language was much less sexist and loaded.

I'm not going to press the point. I think you do get it, and hopefully you're reconsidering your thought processes on this.

@Gemma2019

Unfortunately I think I am past the age where a rich pensioner would even consider me as a trophy wife (unless they were visually impaired) but I can understand why people would consider it.

It's been a long time since I worked in that area but I have seen many "employment contracts" for this sort of arrangement, although it's normally older gay men and younger women rather than straight men. Give up five or ten years, sometimes provide an heir or two and you are set up for life.

True, tbh, if I married an older man, he’d be almost 90. 😂

@OhWhyNot

Prostitutes

Then so are all those women who won’t leave their husbands because of financil security and there is many of them

Or male prostitutes if that helps.

I am not talking about abused women who feel they have to stay.

I am talking about a transaction - because some people are stupid enough to believe that this person is in love with them even though they are much younger and 'out of their league' and the poorer person is stupid enough to believe they are doing something to boost their finances a

Actually no I am not 'reconsidering my thought processes'. But it's always nice to be patronised.

I am talking about a transaction - because some people are stupid enough to believe that this person is in love with them even though they are much younger and 'out of their league' and the poorer person is stupid enough to believe they are doing something to boost their finances

Er, if it's a transaction then they're not being stupid. The poorer person is indeed getting money. They wouldn't be there if they weren't. It wouldn't be a transaction otherwise. And it's rare for an older wealthy man not to realise why the hot young things are available. Despite your belief that whoring requires only one person, such men usually know to make their wealth known if they want to attract these women.

@LukeEvansWife

Actually no I am not 'reconsidering my thought processes'. But it's always nice to be patronised.

It was the least I could do in the light of your sexist double standards. You're welcome.

Could I sleep with a old man for money - absolutely w
Could I marry an old man for money - Yes but I probably wouldn’t want to spend a lot of time with him unless I really really liked him 😂

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders

Having run in those circles, wealthy men always have rules - so it would depend on what the rules were for that particular rich man - nails always done? hair always long and blown dry straight? no dependent children? no gaining weight? always wear heels? always wear dresses? must sleep nude?

The men know they have the power. They are not naïve.

Like I said before - hard work.

Whenever I’ve put effort into “getting a man” by meeting all those physical demands it has NEVER worked out well for me so, yes, I would most definitely chose to read a book instead.

Specifically - He’s Just Not That Into You - which was the book that showed me the best way to find a good nourishing relationship was to (a) not need a man, (b) not want a man and (c) have fun doing your thing and living your life and (d) never, ever work to ‘get a man’.

Granted I didn’t end up with a rich man but I did end up with a man who treats me like a queen which is probably better tbh