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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Puppy jumping on exercising man

320 replies

disculpe · 02/10/2021 16:26

Perfectly happy to be told I'm being U but I don't think I am. Took my 10 month old puppy (German shepherd) out for a walk this morning with my DS. As most puppies that age are, she is naturally cheeky and pushes the boundaries at times. She is pretty much always walked on a leash because most of the time it's too busy and if she sees another dog she will go mad and try to play as well as jump up on them, so we are careful to make sure she's not able to play with dogs who don't want to play, and so she doesn't knock children over in her excitement.
There is a field near us where we often take the dog on Sat and Sun mornings. It's always quiet on weekend mornings, not many dogs there, and we have been letting her off the lead to play ball there and teach her to come back to us without having to worry about other people or dogs. Was all going well this morning - she was fetching the ball nicely and when people walked past us along the path she completely ignored them and carried on being well behaved. Then a man on a bike stopped about 15 feet from us. He could clearly see us as he kept looking over. Then he started exercising, even though this field is huge and he could have exercised literally anywhere else, a lot further away from a woman, young child and unpredictable puppy. My dog ignored him, carried on playing fetch so I didn't put her on her leash because she was behaving. After about 10 minutes this man started doing push ups and something about that movement excited my dog and she ran over to him, putting her face in his and running around him trying to play. I'm not defending her behavior, I would never want her doing that to anyone and completely understand that German shepherds are big and can look intimidating, and not everyone wants a dog in their face. He started screaming and shouting at me about how I should control my dog, I managed to get her back on her leash and then shouted back at him that of all the places he chose to exercise was within a few feet of me when there was a huge area with no dogs in it that he could have chosen instead. Got my dog back on the lead and walked home with my son. When I got home I realized just how intimidating his behavior was - what sort of person chooses to encroach on someone's space like that? Especially a strange man getting uncomfortably close to a lone woman and child. I know I could have put my dog on her leash and found another spot to play ball as soon as he turned up but the stubborn bitch in me was like "I was here first" and I assumed that as he'd chosen to be there he wasn't too concerned about my dog. I messaged my husband (he's working away) the second I got back and he said no decent man would get that close to an unknown woman in a field when there was ample space elsewhere because decent men don't want to make women feel uncomfortable. So, AIBU for getting angry with him and for not putting my dog on a leash the second he pitched up next to us or was he BU?

OP posts:

Floralnomad · 02/10/2021 17:13

@disculpe I think you need to stop playing the lone woman card , you had a child and a large dog with you . Where I walk every morning with my 15 kg terrier it’s generally me and one man who is doing exercises are you seriously suggesting that he should leave the field because I am a lone woman .

Thatsplentyjack · 02/10/2021 17:15

Can’t two people use a field without a dog jumping over the second?

Why on earth would someone enter a field to exercise and go and stand right next to the only other people in it 🤔

Mol1628 · 02/10/2021 17:15

YABU. Control your dog in public spaces.

SirChenjins · 02/10/2021 17:15

Yes he could have exercised elsewhere - but maybe he thought your dog was off the lead because you had it under control. Which you didn’t - as you should do.

Lesson learned for both of you I think.

SickAndTiredAgain · 02/10/2021 17:17

@Thatsplentyjack

YABU. You should have leashed your dog and moved away with her (and if the guy had moved to be near you again THEN you'd have reason to think he's a creep, but not just for choosing to exercise in your vicinity fgs Maybe he always exercises in that spot)

So he owns the spot? It's a fucking field! Why should OP have to move because he decided to get uncomfortably close. That's his problem. He took that risk when he got som close.

She wouldn’t have had to move if the dog was under control.

RoastChicory · 02/10/2021 17:18

5 metres away is not right next to someone. And I expect he might well say it was further than that.

Glenthebattleostrich · 02/10/2021 17:19

Having had both large and small dogs (all trained to ignore people fwiw) I have found that there is a certain type of man who has to behave like an absolute dick and try to intimidate or otherwise prove I'm a bad dog owner when out with a large or powerful breed. It's like they can't handle the fact I had a 'mans' dog. I now have a toy cockapoo (we went to the rescue to meet a staffie but they'd got these gorgeous bundles of fluff in and we fell in love) and just dont get the same attitude when walking her i gor when walking my german shepherd or staffies.

OP he was an arsehole. Keep up with the training, German Shepherds are an amazing breed.

Tal45 · 02/10/2021 17:19

I don't think he handled it well but you're in the wrong IMO. He is free to exercise anywhere in the field as you are. There's no reason he shouldn't be near you or should know that your dog - which will be an adult in a couple of months so not a little puppy - is not properly trained. You should not have trusted your dog knowing she is unpredictable and should have put her on the lead, even if just to take her further away from him due to her unpredictability. He should not have been so aggressive towards you but shouting because your dog is in his face is not unreasonable - alsatian's are an intimidating breed and you were in the wrong keeping her off and knowing she is unpredictable. You should have apologised IMO and not tried to turn it back on him by trying to make out he's a creepy wierdo - which you only decided after her reacted badly to your dog.

Just get a long line and keep her on that in future, it's not the end of the world but not very nice for any of you including the bloke just trying to do his exercise.

Original poster

disculpe · 02/10/2021 17:19

@Floralnomad of course I'm not saying leave the field, I'm saying there is plenty of space for everyone in this field if we give each other space.

But I have learned something from this and accept IWBU.

OP posts:

MarshaBradyo · 02/10/2021 17:19

@Thatsplentyjack

Can’t two people use a field without a dog jumping over the second?

Why on earth would someone enter a field to exercise and go and stand right next to the only other people in it 🤔

He probably thought the dog wouldn’t react and that most people aren’t paying much attention to exercisers.

When I run I don’t measure every dog distance just that they don’t jump near me

WorraLiberty · 02/10/2021 17:21

So he owns the spot? It's a fucking field! Why should OP have to move because he decided to get uncomfortably close. That's his problem. He took that risk when he got som close.

The answer to that is achingly obvious.

She should have moved because she knows she has a dog that at this stage, she can't keep under control.

The man didn't know that as according to the OP, the dog was playing fetch nicely.

Many people aren't so scared of dogs that they wouldn't want to be near them, but they are scared of dogs who put their face into theirs and start running around them.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/10/2021 17:21

There are a number of reasonable explanations as to why he chose to exercise near you. It might be the spot he always exercises in, might have the flattest ground, might be the sunniest spot, it might be an area which is usually quiet, it might be the spot he has agreed to meet somebody else etc. I wouldn’t say 15ft is within your personal space so if that is the usual spot he chooses I can see why he went ahead and exercised there.

You were unreasonable not to have your unpredictable dog on a lead or to move further away from the exercising man. He chose a spot a reasonable distance away from you and it doesn’t sound like he was bothering you at all so I don’t think he did anything wrong, he shouldn’t expect to have dogs in his face.

ellyeth · 02/10/2021 17:21

I think what you did was OK. As there was plenty of space for the man to have moved a long way away, particularly as he was doing exercises, that is what he should have done. And I agree that his behaviour in choosing a spot so near you could be seen as rather odd and intimidating.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 02/10/2021 17:23

I hate it when people whoo have a large space to choose from, insist on getting right bloody next to you!
Empty train carriage, sit next to you.
Empty beach, set up 6 feet away
Car park with half a dozen cars in, park in the next spot to you
Half empty cinema, sit next to you.

Yes. Of course people can sit/park where they like blah blah blah but seriously just fuck off a way!!

When people did that to me is gather my stuff and move and they'd look at me like I was the weirdo!

Yes, you should have put your puppy on the lead and gone off to the other side of the park as soon as it became apparent that he wanted an audience for his exercising.

thenightsky · 02/10/2021 17:24

Some men are like that when women and children are using public spaces, though. They can’t stand it, have to alter the dynamic if they possibly can

He was being a deliberate goady fucker.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/10/2021 17:24

The man didn't know that as according to the OP, the dog was playing fetch nicely.

I'm not getting on the floor near an unleashed, unknown large dog regardless of how nicely it's playing.

He just wanted an audience for his tiresome performance exercising.

BoredZelda · 02/10/2021 17:25

I do notice that. But do you not think in this current climate where women's safety in public places is much discussed that he perhaps could have also made better choices as to where to be?

No. He shouldn’t have. You have an unpredictable dog who you didn’t put on a lead when you should have - more than once. You got away with it the first time, but who would you have blamed if the puppy had run at the couple who were walking?

Don’t make this anything other than what it actually is, yet another dog owner who thinks they don’t have to keep their dogs under control. If you want to teach your dog recall, do it in your garden.

icedcoffees · 02/10/2021 17:25

YABU.

You knew your dog had unreliable recall and chose to keep her off the lead anyway. That's highly irresponsible imo. If you can't control your dog, use a longline on her so you can stamp on it when she starts to stray or stops listening.

The fact that "you were there first" is totally irrelevant. You were in a field open to anyone - so he had just as much right to be there as you did.

MakingM · 02/10/2021 17:26

If your dog isn’t trained to return to you on command, he should not be off lead in a public place. YABU. People, male, female, whatever, don’t have to make allowances for your lack of dog control. Sorry.

And it’s an German Shepherd. Colour me surprised.

MarshaBradyo · 02/10/2021 17:26

I’m willing to bet it was a reason below rather than audience.

Most people don’t care in fact they are just exercising and thinking about that. Could have been oblivious to the point of the dog hence getting angry.

Totallydefeated · 02/10/2021 17:27

He’s either a complete plonker to exercise so near to you when he had a huge open space fo choose from, or he was deliberately trying to make you feel uncomfortable.

Either way, I feel he got his just desserts, though next time in your shoes I would put the dog on a lead and move away from anyone who’s prat enough to get too close in a wide open space.

insancerre · 02/10/2021 17:27

The onus was on you to make sure your dog was under control
It wasn’t

lescompagnonsdeloue · 02/10/2021 17:28

YABVVU. Why should he assume that you couldn't control your dog? He was minding his own business and getting on with what he wanted to do.

wetotter · 02/10/2021 17:29

YABU

And I'm a dog owner.

Other people have just as much right to use a public space as you have, no matter how irritating. But you have a duty to keep your dog under control. Your puppy is still unpredictable, and you need to use a lead

ThinWomansBrain · 02/10/2021 17:29

sound like a bit unreasonable on both sides really - and at ten months, would a passer by appreciate that a GS is a puppy, rather than a full grown dog that it would be reasonable to assume was fully trained.

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