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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Puppy jumping on exercising man

320 replies

disculpe · 02/10/2021 16:26

Perfectly happy to be told I'm being U but I don't think I am. Took my 10 month old puppy (German shepherd) out for a walk this morning with my DS. As most puppies that age are, she is naturally cheeky and pushes the boundaries at times. She is pretty much always walked on a leash because most of the time it's too busy and if she sees another dog she will go mad and try to play as well as jump up on them, so we are careful to make sure she's not able to play with dogs who don't want to play, and so she doesn't knock children over in her excitement.
There is a field near us where we often take the dog on Sat and Sun mornings. It's always quiet on weekend mornings, not many dogs there, and we have been letting her off the lead to play ball there and teach her to come back to us without having to worry about other people or dogs. Was all going well this morning - she was fetching the ball nicely and when people walked past us along the path she completely ignored them and carried on being well behaved. Then a man on a bike stopped about 15 feet from us. He could clearly see us as he kept looking over. Then he started exercising, even though this field is huge and he could have exercised literally anywhere else, a lot further away from a woman, young child and unpredictable puppy. My dog ignored him, carried on playing fetch so I didn't put her on her leash because she was behaving. After about 10 minutes this man started doing push ups and something about that movement excited my dog and she ran over to him, putting her face in his and running around him trying to play. I'm not defending her behavior, I would never want her doing that to anyone and completely understand that German shepherds are big and can look intimidating, and not everyone wants a dog in their face. He started screaming and shouting at me about how I should control my dog, I managed to get her back on her leash and then shouted back at him that of all the places he chose to exercise was within a few feet of me when there was a huge area with no dogs in it that he could have chosen instead. Got my dog back on the lead and walked home with my son. When I got home I realized just how intimidating his behavior was - what sort of person chooses to encroach on someone's space like that? Especially a strange man getting uncomfortably close to a lone woman and child. I know I could have put my dog on her leash and found another spot to play ball as soon as he turned up but the stubborn bitch in me was like "I was here first" and I assumed that as he'd chosen to be there he wasn't too concerned about my dog. I messaged my husband (he's working away) the second I got back and he said no decent man would get that close to an unknown woman in a field when there was ample space elsewhere because decent men don't want to make women feel uncomfortable. So, AIBU for getting angry with him and for not putting my dog on a leash the second he pitched up next to us or was he BU?

OP posts:
TheWholeWorld · 02/10/2021 17:46

Yanbu OP.

He wouldn't have picked that spot if it was your DH trying to train your puppy. I would bet all the money in my bank on that. A certain type of man likes to pick arguments with/intimidate women.

Nomorepies · 02/10/2021 17:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

luckylavender · 02/10/2021 17:47

@disculpe - I think you were unreasonable and the men around women argument hardly washes when you have a huge German Shepherd with you. He can exercise where he wants but you have to control your dog.

RonaKnob · 02/10/2021 17:47

It's your responsibility to not put your dog in a position where they can be a nuisance. Yes you were there first, it doesn't mean he doesn't have as much right to utilise the space. If you know your puppy is not great at recall and potentially going to cause disturbance to someone else, you move away. You let your own stubbornness potentially compromise your dogs safety as you don't know how a stranger will react. The only sympathy I have is for your dog being put in such a position.

onelittlefrog · 02/10/2021 17:49

I feel like really you are both in the wrong.

The guy probably shouldn't have exercised near you as you were there first. But maybe he doesn't know much about puppies and didn't expect your dog to run up to him. People who have dogs off the lead should have reasonable control of them.

Maybe he just didn't notice you or was oblivious to your presence. It doesn't mean you should let your dog go up to him - you should still have control of your dog.

You were first in the space, and he should have been less oblivious and gone somewhere else. But also you should know your dog well enough that you should have put it back on the lead when something exciting (to the dog) is happening nearby.

It is horrible to have dogs running up to you when exercising, so I can see why the guy was annoyed.

Hidehi4 · 02/10/2021 17:50

YABVU it’s fine for your dog to go in the mans face (which he might of felt intimidated), but you complain when he is in your space. Train your dog before letting it off the lead

mindutopia · 02/10/2021 17:53

I have a puppy younger than this. You need to train them to have good recall before putting them and others in a situation that may be too challenging for them to properly listen to you. I’d be pretty pissed off if someone’s dog was jumping on me while I was exercising. My 3 year old has been bitten by a puppy in similar circumstances in a green space when we were just minding our business.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 02/10/2021 17:53

YABVVU and I am a dog owner

I know you were there first but he had as much right to be in the field as you and you should have control of your dog at all times

Carolinesyear · 02/10/2021 17:56

He definitely sounds like a nob and the dog sounds friendly and did no harm, however I would not class a 10 month as a puppy, I have 16 dogs nearly all gundogs, I expect them to have recalls without exception at this age. I can understand with terriers and naturally disobedient dogs that never really get it but GSDs are bottom to take commands and extremely trainable, do you carry treats and work on training? I agree with getting a longline

TheAverageUser · 02/10/2021 17:57

I don't think you were BU. If this guy was so scared of dogs then he shouldn't have decided to go so close to you. Of course you should have control of your dog but you need time to train a puppy and it sounds like you did that in an area with not loads of people. Shouting at you on your own with a kid is just unnecessary, aggressive and intolerant.

disculpe · 02/10/2021 17:58

@Carolinesyear yes we have treats with us when out. I thought her recall was great and for 95% of this morning she was brilliant but I totally accept that she needs to be 100%.

OP posts:
DragonDoor · 02/10/2021 17:59

It’s not other people’s responsibility to make sure they don’t go to places where there are unpredictable dogs, it’s the owners responsibility to make sure the dog is not approaching others and acting unpredictably.

do you not think in this current climate where women's safety in public places is much discussed that he perhaps could have also made better choices as to where to be?

I don’t really get the point you are trying to make in this comment here. I think that when anyone makes use of public spaces it makes these areas safer for women; there are more people about.

I imagine that once this man started exercising, he was static. You were playing with your dog, which involves more moving about. Surely the reason you went to the park was to make use of the space?

It’s not like he had started walking behind you.

Blackkoala · 02/10/2021 18:00

@Glenthebattleostrich

Having had both large and small dogs (all trained to ignore people fwiw) I have found that there is a certain type of man who has to behave like an absolute dick and try to intimidate or otherwise prove I'm a bad dog owner when out with a large or powerful breed. It's like they can't handle the fact I had a 'mans' dog. I now have a toy cockapoo (we went to the rescue to meet a staffie but they'd got these gorgeous bundles of fluff in and we fell in love) and just dont get the same attitude when walking her i gor when walking my german shepherd or staffies.

OP he was an arsehole. Keep up with the training, German Shepherds are an amazing breed.

I actually agree with this. I had a Doberman once - lovely dog, absolute poppet, gentle as anything. But she was a rescue and her ears had been cut and she was a huge, solid dog so she looked pretty intimidating.

I got a weird reaction out of men a few times - deliberately crowding us, chatting shit about Dobermans etc. One guy grabbed her by the nose and shook her head about saying ‘going to bite me are you?’. The worst was a guy who walked past us on a canal path with his young daughter on a bike and actually grabbed my dog’s lead as he passed as if she might lunge for his kid and need him to control her. She was totally lead trained and completely safe with kids!

I’ve never had any such issues with my miniature dachshund, despite the fact that he hates everyone and is powered by pure, unadulterated rage Grin

Blackkoala · 02/10/2021 18:03

Also, I don’t care if this does make me unreasonable but I would actually like to see more instances of men who crowd women and encroach on their space being nuisanced by large dogs Wink

trumpisagit · 02/10/2021 18:03

Dogs don't like people behaving strangely, and from your dog's perspective he was doing weird stuff.
I know my dog might approach or bark at someone exercising ferociously near us.
So YABU for not putting your puppy on a lead sooner
However he was being very unre to encroach on the space in a large field.
Why? Was it the flattest, driest part?

disculpe · 02/10/2021 18:04

@DragonDoor I didn't feel intimidated at the time, it was only when I got home I thought it was strange behaviour. I don't live in the UK and am in a country where 10 women a day are killed so perhaps that has skewed my perception on the situation.

OP posts:
Tilltheend99 · 02/10/2021 18:04

In the current climate he was definitely unreasonable to approach a loan woman and child in a field. But equally you were unreasonable not to put the dog on the lead straight away as you know he is a training puppy but other people can’t be expected to know that or how to behave around dogs.

We were picnicking in the park the other day with our three month old and a dog off the lead ran up to her. Luckily it was a pug only about her size but I would always assume an unknown dog could be unpredictable or triggered by anything even a well trained dog that is usually friendly.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/10/2021 18:04

@Blackkoala

Also, I don’t care if this does make me unreasonable but I would actually like to see more instances of men who crowd women and encroach on their space being nuisanced by large dogs Wink
Me too but that may be a reaction to recent news.
BoredZelda · 02/10/2021 18:04

very insensitive to the fact you were a lone woman

A lone woman with a German shepherd dog.

If this guy was so scared of dogs then he shouldn't have decided to go so close to you.

I’m not scared of dogs, I don’t want one jumping over me and licking my face.

Tilltheend99 · 02/10/2021 18:06

@Blackkoala

Also, I don’t care if this does make me unreasonable but I would actually like to see more instances of men who crowd women and encroach on their space being nuisanced by large dogs Wink
Grin
MarshaBradyo · 02/10/2021 18:07

definitely unreasonable to approach a loan woman

He didn’t approach them he exercised in a field

Re pp I’m not particularly scared of dogs but dog owners should control dogs around exercisers / children doing excitable stuff etc anything they know they will react to

emmathedilemma · 02/10/2021 18:07

So you don't want him in your face but it's ok for your dog to be in his.......

muddyford · 02/10/2021 18:08

All my dogs think anyone on the floor is down there to play. He was a total moron, getting so close to you when you were training your dog, especially in the current climate. Well done on working on your dog's recall. Life on a lead, which many young dogs seem to endure, is no life.

strawberrydonuts · 02/10/2021 18:09

@Tresal

Your dog went up and harassed him. Was he asking for it? Should he not exercise in a public space because it might excite any dogs in the area? Should he alter his behaviour because dog owners can’t control their dogs very well? Do you think he should stay indoors and leave the public spaces to dog owners?

Of course you are being very unreasonable OP! Your dog’s behaviour is your responsibility, not his.

This.

You should have complete control of your dog if it is off the lead in a public space. The fault is with you.

How could he have known it would run up to him? - he doesn't know you or your dog.

However, he shouldn't have shouted at you.

HyacynthBucket · 02/10/2021 18:11

It almost sounds OP as if he deliberately chose a spot near you and your dog. Perhaps he does not like dogs and wanted to pick a fight about it being off the lead, so he more or less provoked the dog into misbehaving. Or maybe he does not like women and picked a fight with you because of that - I imagine he would not have done so if you had a DH with you. He sounds like an antisocial weirdo. At best he was inconsiderate and insensitive to how you might feel with a man choosing to stay so close to where you were in an otherwise empty field.