13 year old wants to change name

[Cosyella3]

My 13 year old daughter really wants to change her name. She’s hated her name for years, since she was about 3 and always insisted on being called different names when she was younger. She hasn’t started on another name for a few years, but she still complains about her name. My daughter used to pick certain names because of a character or a celebrity or person she really liked. She wanted to be called Sophia when she was 5 because of a girl in her class, and a name of some Mario Kart character when she was 8. She’s “had” lots of different names over the years, some that I can’t even remember. She also likes to search for pretty or uncommon girls names online (her real name is still pretty uncommon). I dropped my daughter off at school last week and I heard her friends saying “Hi Piper”. When I picked her up from school, I told her I know she asked her friends to call her by this new name. I asked her if she wanted to be called Piper and she said yes. I don’t really like the name to be honest. My daughter gets really embarrassed for some reason and has always been very secretive, especially if she thinks she will get embarrassed or if something is not allowed. She also tries to find ways around things and likes to change the subject a lot. My daughter has been asking to change her name officially, and I explained to her that I won’t do it for because she’s still young and not able to make her own decisions. She keeps getting upset about it but I keep saying no. She cried last night and she told me if I changed her name for her she would feel happier about herself. Am I doing the right thing?

What about Enna or Anna or Sia which is more similar to her actual name? I know at 10 I was always changing my name adding an a at the end or letters at the start to make it different. I don't think it's that unusual. I haven't given it thought once I got older, it's just my name.

I would definitely do what others suggest...

Call her the name she prefers... In her GCSE certificate year to do it formally if she is still committed to it.

When I hear Piper - I think of that dozy alaskan US representative whose name escapes me... She has a child named Piper.

Given her name changing history and also her current age, it's likely to change...also it is an absolute pain as an adult if its not formally done as you have to keep filling out the also known as, on forms.

PS i wanted to be called George/georgie for aeons between ages of 7 & 12 (after famous 5...).no one calls me that now... And I now switch between my unrelated birth name and a nickname.

PS Have you had the convo with your daughter... Over how this name 'goes' with any careers she may want to do?

(is a piper more likely to be the judge or in the Dock 🤣)

*If you love her current name so much, why don’t you adopt it once she’s changed to one she prefers?
*This is a really good idea.

My dh changed his name in his twenties from his ludicrous birth name to a mundane name. It's changed his life and certainly helped his career. His old name was not something he could ever connect to and he spent twenty years feeling daft every time he had to use it.

Not a fan of Sienna sorry @Cosyella3 but CiCi is cute.

*However...

'Piper' is fucking awful sorry.

Reminds me of the blonde convict in 'Orange is the new black.'

Can she not just stay as CiCi???*

This isn't about what names you like.

@MyPatronusIsACat

Not a fan of Sienna sorry *@Cosyella3* but CiCi is cute.

However...

'Piper' is fucking awful sorry.

Reminds me of the blonde convict in 'Orange is the new black.'

Can she not just stay as CiCi???

Whereas I think Piper is beautiful, Sienna is a bit meh but inoffensive and CiCi is bloody awful!

If it’s CiCi from Sienna, then why C not S? And why the second capital? It seems like utterly affected childish/teenage nonsense to me.

It doesn’t matter what you or I think of name!

@MilduraS

But if she changes it and then changes her mind can't she just change it back? I don't see how she could regret the decision when it doesn't have to be permanent anyway.

Sure but it's a right pain to change name. Even adding DHs surname was a mess!!!

Tell her she can go by Piper for 1/2 years and if she still wants to officially change her name then she can (keeping Sienna as a middle name)

13 is a bit young to make tht kind of decision, especially a name she chose a couple of months ago!

Lots of people go by names that aren’t their actual one (quite a few in my family using middle names). She has recently chosen a new name - she is 14 and may well change her mind. Let her try it for size for a few months and see how it goes (and remind her that some people will keep using her ‘given’ name for whatever reason, and others will just make a mistake - so no strops!).

(and remind her that some people will keep using her ‘given’ name for whatever reason, and others will just make a mistake - so no strops!).

No strops for a mistake is fine. Anyone that actively chose to continue using the name she’s decided to stop using is a different story.

People who do that need to realise they are damaging their relationship with the person who has changed name when they do that.

Bottom line is she will change her mind several times over her teenage years, so if she waits until she’s 18 she can choose something she will like for life not simply a passing teen fancy.

@Cosyella3

She has never been bullied because of her name and she has wanted to change it for a very long time. I am worried that she will be able to change it behind my back when she turns 16. I love her name and I don’t want her to change it.

I love her name and I don’t want her to change it.

Yikes... Says a lot really. Respect your daughter - She's discoverin herself. It doesn't matter what YOU like or want. But what makes her comfortable. I dont understand parents who go out of their way to make their kids feel awkward

@JustLyra

(and remind her that some people will keep using her ‘given’ name for whatever reason, and others will just make a mistake - so no strops!).

No strops for a mistake is fine. Anyone that actively chose to continue using the name she’s decided to stop using is a different story.

People who do that need to realise they are damaging their relationship with the person who has changed name when they do that.

I was just thinking of someone like an elderly relative who may find it really hard to switch names or just ‘disagrees’ with children changing their names (we already allowed to disagree). My grandma rarely got my name right anyway - these were so many of us kids that we were generally called the wrong name. My brother is one of the very few people who use my ‘real’ name (he also does this to my sister who has similarly changed her name - unofficially). My brother is... well just a bit odd really and there is no malice in it (it’s just the way he is).

I hate my name and always have. Don't know what I'd change it to though. It's not nice to have a name you hate. Introducing myself as a name that I hate makes me cringe. Not good for the self esteem/confidence.

Obviously she needs to stick to one long term though before legal changes are made.

@KittenKong Unless Grandma is at the point of having dementia and wouldn’t be able to remember the name of a new baby then there’s no excuse for always “forgetting”.

The people that insist on calling me by my original name, especially those who don’t agree with name changing, tell me how little they care for me every time they do it and our relationship is impacted by that.

Especially when they are of a generation where they readily accept a name change for a woman’s surname after marriage.

I’ve had 52 years of getting the ‘wrong’ name so it’s water off a ducks back. My brother is on the spectrum and has quite a few other issues - so I can’t really have a hissy over it. I’m more a ‘yeah whatever’ person. I have more important things to worry about in my life than whether he will us a name that means little to me or not. He also makes the very same jokes about me being veggie (since 1984). My name was given to me by our folks and maybe that’s why he is attached to it?

Funnily enough my grandmother (with dementia) used to call my boyfriend by my dads name (which unknown to her actually was his real name that he never used). An older sister now calls me it sometimes - she has Alzheimer’s now, so getting called a dumb name is the very least of anyone’s bothers now.

Understandable with your brother.

I’m just not keen on the number of posters on the thread suggesting that this young girl should have to accept, long term, people completely ignoring her wishes to change her name.

Girls need to be encouraged to stand up for themselves - it’s not a big thing to say “this is what I want to be called” and expect the vast majority of people, without health or cognitive issues, to respect it.

@pointythings

I love her name and I don’t want her to change it.

Hear this: This isn't about what you want.

Honestly, I had some sympathy for you, but after that little statement that has vanished.

Well aren't you nice🙄 OPs feelings are completely valid, it's her actions however that will count.

I’d say ‘ok let’s try it - no pressure - and see how it feels’. A couple of months is hardly any time at all (you even get 200 days free trial for a new mattress these days to see if it works for you!)

You need to get to the bottom of the reasons why she hates her name so much

This.

There’s a real danger that if she does change her name, it actually won’t “fix” whatever is going on with her. She seems to think it’ll be a magic solution to whatever troubles her.

Good luck. Tricky situation.

I changed my name legally at 12, with my mother's blessing. Where I am, a legal name change changes my birth certificate and everything and the prior name ceases to exist. My birth name always sounded horrible to me (perfectly 'normal' name, just not 'my name'). Im nearing 34 and still feel like my "new" name is my name. When she allowed me to change it I finally felt like myself.