13 year old wants to change name

[Cosyella3]

My 13 year old daughter really wants to change her name. She’s hated her name for years, since she was about 3 and always insisted on being called different names when she was younger. She hasn’t started on another name for a few years, but she still complains about her name. My daughter used to pick certain names because of a character or a celebrity or person she really liked. She wanted to be called Sophia when she was 5 because of a girl in her class, and a name of some Mario Kart character when she was 8. She’s “had” lots of different names over the years, some that I can’t even remember. She also likes to search for pretty or uncommon girls names online (her real name is still pretty uncommon). I dropped my daughter off at school last week and I heard her friends saying “Hi Piper”. When I picked her up from school, I told her I know she asked her friends to call her by this new name. I asked her if she wanted to be called Piper and she said yes. I don’t really like the name to be honest. My daughter gets really embarrassed for some reason and has always been very secretive, especially if she thinks she will get embarrassed or if something is not allowed. She also tries to find ways around things and likes to change the subject a lot. My daughter has been asking to change her name officially, and I explained to her that I won’t do it for because she’s still young and not able to make her own decisions. She keeps getting upset about it but I keep saying no. She cried last night and she told me if I changed her name for her she would feel happier about herself. Am I doing the right thing?

DS went through a (very short) phase of calling himself James (no idea why) which is odd because he really hates his surname. He is named after my late dad and chortles when he gets mail his first name/my surname (letter for grandpa!)

I've wanted to change my name since primary school. I told my mum multiple times and she always said no. I'm in my 30's now and I still dislike it. It's a completely normal name but very dated and I wish I'd changed it years ago. It feels pointless now though.

I wouldn't let her officially change her name yet but let her be known by Piper to see if she sticks with it. Despite wanting to change my name for nearly 30 years, I've still got no idea what I'd actually change it to. I'd imagine she's serious but still trying to see what fits.

If she has disliked her name all her life and repeatedly asked to be called different names then it’s clear her name upsets her for some reason. Has she ever explained why?
I would suggest that as she has had several ideas of alternative names over the years that she sticks with one name for a year and then if she still feels that is her chosen name then she can change it?

I would sit back and see if Piper sticks tbh or is just a phase. She or you can let school know that the name Piper is what she desires….it is a lovely new name by the way, she has good taste! 🙂 Sienna was a lovely name too but if Piper makes her happy run with it. Try and put your own feelings aside for the sake of her well-being.
Come 6th form and Uni applications it will be hugely helpful if she has legalised her name change. We know someone whose UCAS application got completely messed up because of an unregistered name change…so beware of this later on!

Royal baby name now!!
Maybe it will sway your dd one way or the other!

I've met a girl and a dog called Piper recently. (Not the same family). Its a cute name, not one id pick for a person though. (Have you watched the Piper cartoon?)

I would offer her a compromise. You'll add it as a middle name. Sienna Piper [Your surname]. If she likes, she can be known as S. Piper [surname] - many people are known by middle names, but her legal docs like exam certificates etc will be S P Surname. And this will only be done next summer, after shes lived as Piper for a whole year. You will only add one middle name, and that's it, so you get she doesn't like her name, but she has to be certain this is the name she prefers.

My dog is called Piper because of Piper from Charmed ❤️
I love it and had it on the list for my daughter but didn’t use it.

My son changed his name at 5. At 11, he still prefers his choice and we use our about 95% of the time. It didn't occur to me to refuse, how would that work without creating bad feeling all around? He's a person, with likes and dislikes. How would I refuse and yet still be respectful of him? In fact, he calls me by my first name, not as mum. We have an excellent relationship and I know he has appreciated this.

I think considering she has changed her 'chosen' name several times, I would strike a deal that she could change her name when she's 16 to Piper with your blessing, but that you'd like her to retain Sienna as her middle name. Obviously she can do what she wants when she's 16 but she might have 'gone off' Piper and realised it's not a good thing to do if you're generally indecisive!

I get why you're upset I would be too.

My DD went through phases of this from about 3 til about 13, she wanted everything from Karen, to Penelope, Meagan, Rachel, Athena & more over the years. She loves her more uncommon, but not unheard of given name now at 19 though & has done for years.

I'd just play along with it, but tell her you can't do anything about it until she is 18

Given that she has changed her name so often, there's no reason to think this one will stick.

You could compromise and say "Changing your name officially costs money , (give her the example of a new passport) so you need to start saving up now. If you still like Piper in three years time, we'll get it changed. Meanwhile, I'm happy to call you piper at home. "

I knew a woman a few years back called Jenny - in her 30s. She'd changed her name from Barbara.
If she hates her name let her change it. It's not a slight on you.

@2bazookas

Given that she has changed her name so often, there's no reason to think this one will stick.

You could compromise and say "Changing your name officially costs money , (give her the example of a new passport) so you need to start saving up now. If you still like Piper in three years time, we'll get it changed. Meanwhile, I'm happy to call you piper at home. "

This is a good shout.

@Bideshi

Let her do it on condition she takes up the bagpipes. Or cake decoration. Piper's an awful name. Sienna's pretty. My daughter's got an unusual name. She hated it growing up; loves it now.

Teenagers always think perky cheerleader type names are the bees knees. But the sensible posters are right: you should have a discussion, get to the bottom of it.

but its not up to you or her Mum to have an opinion.

I'd call her by her preferred name but not change officially for a couple of years at least until she's absolutely committed to it.

Even thought she says its not because of a celebrity, I've just googled Piper and one of the first things coming up is a 14 year old US celeb/you tuber Piper Rockelle. Never heard of her myself (but I'm clearly not the target demographic!) but is it possible she's currently popular in your DDs circle?

Sienna's a lovely name. I don't think I'd want her to change it.

At 13, I wouldn't pay attention. She will change her mind 100 times more.
I disliked my own name my entire childhood too. I grew into it when I left my home country - it felt cool to have a practical, international name, what also isn't on every corner.

There are lots of implications from changing your name - especially with official documents like passports, organisations like banks and the legal part of form filling "any previous names" etc. To change often isn't a good idea.
Surely she can just ask to be called what she wants to be called. Then when she is older she can do a permanent change if she still wants to.

I don't like the name Sienna and can understand why she wants to change it, but there's no guarantee that she will stick to Piper, is there?

There are lots of implications from changing your name... To change often isn't a good idea

The implications are not difficult at all. Slightly time-consuming, yes. The most expensive thing is the cost of a new passport, that's about it.

Sorry, but I'm with your DD. I detest my first name and only ever use it on legal documents etc. Everyone who's not family knows me by a nickname. I've never formally changed it simply because it was too much of a bother. Let her change it now while there's no bank accounts, tax offices or employers to bother about. You'll be doing her a kindness.

Not a fan of Sienna sorry @Cosyella3 but CiCi is cute.

However...

'Piper' is fucking awful sorry.

Reminds me of the blonde convict in 'Orange is the new black.'

Can she not just stay as CiCi???

@MyPatronusIsACat

Not a fan of Sienna sorry *@Cosyella3* but CiCi is cute.

However...

'Piper' is fucking awful sorry.

Reminds me of the blonde convict in 'Orange is the new black.'

Can she not just stay as CiCi???

Why would she want to stay as CiCi when she thinks it’s as awful as you think Piper is?

I think CiCi is hideous.

The point is the girl hates Sienna and CiCi and has done since she was a young child - there’s likely a reason for it - and the adults around her would do well to listen to her

Ironically I loved sienna when I was younger and I too hated my name, still not a big fan but it's stupid and unnecessary long

I'd be more interested in why changing her name would make her feel happier about herself. That's an interesting statement for her to make.

I also find it interesting that she has never settled on a consistent name to be called. She keeps changing. Why is that?

Honestly CiCi is way too much like Sissy for me not to cringe at it. I'd hate it too. I've totally lucked out with Karen. Never really liked it (compared to my sister's long, unique name) and now it's ridiculed universally. Yay.