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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think bus drivers should manage the behaviour of teenagers on their bus?

222 replies

user64323 · 01/10/2021 21:34

I get the bus to and from school with my reception age child. I am really struggling with how to cope with the awful behaviour of teenagers from the school next door to my son's. For the record, this is a public bus, and not a school bus.

Today as usual there were no empty double seats, and my son was wobbly trying to hold on to the bar so I asked a teenage girl if she could please move her leg off the seat next to her so he could sit down. She moved it slightly but refused to move her knee off it, as she was talking to her friends in the seats behind. She then went on and on about how she was going to fucking batter the stupid fucking bitch etc on and on and on. A girl on the other side of the aisle kept kicking the back of my leg. As soon as a seat became available further up I moved my son into it to try and get away from the swearing. Unfortunately this was right next to a group of younger teens about age 13 who were very roughly play fighting, swiping each others legs, smacking each other over the head, hitting with bags, kicking etc eventually when one was grabbing another in the aisle by the ankles trying to knock him backwards I asked them to please stop, because if he falls back he is going to land on my son. They stopped for maybe a minute and then just carried on.

Then one boy huffed very loudly behind me, apparently because his stop was approaching. Then he did the same to the people in front and started swearing about needing to get off. I told him to try saying excuse me, and people might move for him. A few more pushed passed me. Then approaching our stop a boy probably about 16 or 17 and 6ft tall shoved me out the way very roughly by my shoulder followed by 'scuse' and nearly knocked me off my feet, I confronted him and told him I was also getting off at this stop and if he'd said excuse me I could have told him and there is no need to push me. Then my son who no longer had anything to hold on to fell over into the fighting kids while the boy who shoved me was screaming 'Who the fuck are you talking to? who the fuck do you think you are! I fucking said excuse me you stupid cow' etc I left the bus very shaken up and queried the driver about the fighting kids and asked why they hadn't been asked to leave the bus, and he said there was nothing they could do about it because they have a duty of care to minors. I said, so they could do anything they want? He said yes, I ended up crying, I was just full of frustration and shock from being shoved, and now I don't think I can ever get on the bus again because they know they can do whatever they want and they saw me so upset and probably revelled in it.

What about a duty of care to other passengers? If this was a school bus service I would understand, but this is a public route. The buses on the route are every half hour so they wouldn't be left stranded if they behaved enough to be asked to leave. Surely a bus driver isn't in loco parentis? I will be getting in touch with the bus company to find out if this is right, but if it is, I don't feel safe to take the bus anymore. If adults fought or shoved they'd be done for assault, so how is this allowed?

There is a very small minority of other pupils who take this bus who hate it too, they will offer a seat or ask others to say excuse me when they shove and they look absolutely miserable, there should be a duty of care to them too.

AIBU to think that teenagers shouldn't be able to run riot on public buses, and bus drivers should have a duty of care to other passengers to keep them under control or kick them off?

OP posts:
Katkinsgreyy · 02/10/2021 07:06

I used to hate getting the public bus to school when I was a teen!! It filled me with so much anxiety.

There were a few bus drivers who wouldn't put up with any crap from the kids. I can remember a few of them would turn the engine off. Then basically shout that they were not driving off until the culprits got off the bus!! That usually worked.

Most drivers wouldn't do anything though.
So you just had to accept getting verbally or physically abused at times. You'd get older teens standing upstairs and spitting over the stair case onto anyone below.

Ploorfuzzle · 02/10/2021 07:12

@BakingOfTheFoodCats

I doubt the school would do anything tbh as it’s outside of school premises and they can’t really control every single child after they’ve left school.
If they're wearing school uniform they probably will as they're bringing the school into disrepute.
Angel2702 · 02/10/2021 07:14

School very often have staff at the bus stop so they would be able to easily identify who gets that bus. Schools treat antisocial behaviour whilst in uniform seriously so it is worth reporting.

Pay attention to ties, badges etc often different year groups or houses have different badges or ties which makes it easier for school to identify who was involved.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 02/10/2021 07:14

YABU. They are bus drivers, not security guards. They likely don't want to put themselves at risk and who can blame them.

Member984815 · 02/10/2021 07:15

The bus drivers job is to drive the bus , if the kids are in uniform and you can identify the school , report it to the school

daisypond · 02/10/2021 07:15

I’ve been on buses a few times with my young children where the bus was stopped and refused to move when there were fights on board. All involved older teens/adults and not teens in school uniform. Some of those incidents were terrifying - full-on fights, drugs on board, knives drawn, people outside the bus hammering on the windows.

Hesma · 02/10/2021 07:22

YABU to expect the bus driver to manage them. YANBU to be upset. You need to complain to the school

sandgrown · 02/10/2021 07:22

We were on holiday in Montenegro and waiting for a bus. A very tatty looking bus full of school kids stopped . We were a bit wary but got on . About half a mile down the road the kids were being rowdy. The driver stopped the bus , came down and gave two of the boys a massive slap then got back in his cab . They were very quiet for the rest of the journey. We were really shocked but it worked!

StarfishDish · 02/10/2021 07:24

@PreparationPreparationPrep

Sounds awful - I would avoid that time and route if possible but it doesn't sound like you can.

As far as I know bus drivers do not intervene but what they can do is call for an inspector or police to meet the the bus and I think they come pretty quickly.

Report to bus company so bus driver on that route is aware complaint has been made - Report to School who may have youth workers and mentors to help. report to police in case they can get some community support officers to monitor the route.

I wouldn't record anything - teens are pretty clued up about phones and that will just give them an excuse to target you!

But agree it s not a nice experience for you OP

@PreparationPreparationPrep That's if they can get through. I was on a bus with a passenger who was being very abusive. The driver pulled up, radioed for help and nobody answered him!
Pottedpalm · 02/10/2021 07:50

@sandgrown

We were on holiday in Montenegro and waiting for a bus. A very tatty looking bus full of school kids stopped . We were a bit wary but got on . About half a mile down the road the kids were being rowdy. The driver stopped the bus , came down and gave two of the boys a massive slap then got back in his cab . They were very quiet for the rest of the journey. We were really shocked but it worked!
😂
Pottedpalm · 02/10/2021 07:55

@HoppingPavlova

FFS, you are an adult. I’ve had the odd encounter with dickhead teens on a bus and it certainly didn’t end with me getting off, shaking and crying. I’ve had several myself (although I’d be absolutely mortified if they behaved like this on a bus but who knows I guess), and in reality even the worst teen is not that hard to control, even in an unruly group. With the way you describe the encounter in your OP it’s pretty obvious how it ended up the way it did, your approach will achieve jack and let’s them know from the outset they have the upper hand and it escalates from there.
Oh do give up! You clearly haven’t had exposure to behaviour this extreme. I’m a secondary teacher and would not challenge a group from another school behaving in this way.they are not going to lose face by meekly giving in to a mere woman with a child.
londonrach · 02/10/2021 07:55

Report to the school. The driver is a driver of the bus

Pottedpalm · 02/10/2021 07:56

Maybe tell us what your methods would be, rather than making the OP feel inadequate.

Pottedpalm · 02/10/2021 07:56

That was for @HoppingPavlova

Foolsrule · 02/10/2021 07:59

What a horrible experience for you and your little one. I’d go to the police to report the assaults you experienced. I’d go to the school and kick up merry hell. I’d go to the LA safeguarding team. I’d go to the local press. I’d make the biggest song and dance I could. Some parents are feral and they raise feral children. These people have no place in civilized society. How dare they treat a public service so badly? To the extent that other users are injured, abused and assaulted? It’s disgusting! They’ll have to walk to school when they’re banned from the buses, won’t they? Serves them right. Animals.

Geamhradh · 02/10/2021 08:00

Victim blaming again.

shouldistop · 02/10/2021 08:03

Oh well this is a glimpsw of what your child will be like, get used to it! And before you say they won't be im sure the parents of all those kids say the same.

Rubbish, I've never met a teenager who would push and swear at a grown woman. They obviously exist given the op but they're not the majority thankfully.

TeachesOfPeaches · 02/10/2021 08:10

I have to get the bus with loads of teenagers and I bought my 5 year old son some ear defenders so he doesn't have to listen to the vile language and screaming and shouting.

If there's a single seat just sit on it and put your son on your knee. Also bring some headphones for yourself.

icedcoffees · 02/10/2021 08:11

[quote Lou98]@icedcoffees the OP states that there are buses every half hour [/quote]
Yes, but the timing may not work for what she needs it for.

Why should she have to stand and wait for half an hour at school before she can send her child in, or be rushing around and running late everyday?

HalzTangz · 02/10/2021 08:19

OP if you know what school they are from inform the school too. Whilst they are in uniform they are representing the school, even out of school hours

Also contact the Head Office for the bus company, they have a duty of care to all passengers not just minors

PlonkyWillyWonky · 02/10/2021 08:21

Report to the school, bus company and police
Passengers and the driver should not feel threatened or have to tolerate unsociable behaviour
If they can't behave sensibly their bus passes can be removed. It's a privilege not a right
Let them answer to their parents and suck up the consequences

Woeismethischristmas · 02/10/2021 08:28

@BoredZelda

I know bus drivers. They make a whopping £10.50 an hour

Our local bus company pays 12.50 per hour.

Joys of being in Northern Scotland, it’s tough for drivers. The transport secretary wrote a letter to everyone with an HGV licence in a hope you will carry on in thetransport industry. Best salary he can find is 12.50 an hour. Bit more if you go down to Glasgow. It’s not worth it though in comparison to other jobs.
Makingnumber2 · 02/10/2021 08:47

Contact the school- that type of behaviour is completely unacceptable and whilst they are in uniform they are representing the school community. Students at my school can be externally excluded for bringing the school into disrepute in a serious way such as shoving and then swearing at a member of the public. Give the school the bus route, the time, date and the stop that boy got off at and if they want to take it seriously they can contact the bus company for the CCTV footage via the school's police team. Personally if I was shoved and then sworn at in that manner I would be making a police report and as the kid was in uniform it would be passed to school's police team and picked up from there. Absolutely disgusting way for that student to have behaved.

PrivateHall · 02/10/2021 08:51

Honestly, I would rather the driver was left to concentrate on safely driving the bus.I agree with others that you must report it to the school though!

Dee1975 · 02/10/2021 08:51

Very frightening experience for you op. Hope you are ok

However, The drivers are big trained to deal with teenagers. And I doubt they want to confront them.

But you must report to the school.