ExH wants to stop DDs activity in favour of one of his choosing. AIBU?

[ActivitiesDDLoves]

DD does swimming lessons and Brownies. Brownies is in the week, swimming the weekend.

ExH has DD for court ordered contact EOW for 1 night, he picks her up from me and then on the Sunday drops her at the pool where I’m waiting.

He’s happy with swimming lessons, but wants her to stop Brownies in favour of Dance or Gymnastics.

For medical reasons DD can only do 2 activities a week, she’s 7 so I think 2 activities is perfect, still time to chill out after school 4 times a week but still time to develop a love for it.

She loves Brownies, sings the songs to her toys when not there, shows off her badges to anyone who’ll listen (she did Rainbows as well so has quite a few on a camp blanket) and is very excited for her very first sleepover in a few weeks. She’s made loads of friends there she wouldn’t have otherwise met.

I pay for everything to do with her 2 activities, from the actual lesson/subs to the equipment (uniform, swimming costume etc.).

ExH has told me he wants DD to stop Brownies and he will take me to court if I don’t. He wants me instead to take her to dance or gymnastics. I’ve said if he pays I will but he doesn’t want to pay for it, he wants me to.

It’s a tricky one because at 7 DD gets some say, but if asked she’d want to do dance and/or gymnastics but I doubt she’d give up Brownies to do it.

I’ve emailed my solicitor to see what she says but does anyone know if AIBU to say no unless he pays for it?

His reasons are his sister was a talented gymnast and dancer. None of his family did scouting or guiding (neither did I until Guides) so it’s a bit unknown to him.

So AIBU?

I appreciate you don't want to say exactly what your DD's condition is, but tiredness like you describe can be caused by hypermobility. In case that's the condition, you need to be careful with dance classes: academic.oup.com/rheumatology/article/52/4/585/1796089. Exercise like swimming is excellent for hypermobility though. So it may not be as simple for her as just picking any activity.

As a working single parent activities after school need to fit around your life as well, it's different if there's two of you to do the running around, I restricted DD to three activities (one at the weekend) even when her father was still around (shift worker and I did 90% of taking and fetching back and 100% of making sure she has the right kit etc.) thankfully she'd dropped one by the time he left. The time cost is as important as the financial cost. DD did dance for a few years and it was ridiculous when they had shows with last minute extra mid week rehearsals, no understanding that mothers might have jobs.

He's asserting himself, if you don't handle this confidently he'll be threatening court over every little thing. He doesn't get to dictate how you spend your time or money end of discussion.

I agree with MRex re: being cautious if DD's condition is hypermobility/EDS. I have EDS and have been advised swimming, walking and my physio exercises only - no running, gym, dance, yoga etc.

It sounds to me like swimming and brownies is a good mix for your DD and crucially she enjoys both and can manage them with her condition.

Your ex sounds like a right twat! I daresay he won't push this to court, but if he does he's the one who will look bad, not you.