ExH wants to stop DDs activity in favour of one of his choosing. AIBU?

[ActivitiesDDLoves]

DD does swimming lessons and Brownies. Brownies is in the week, swimming the weekend.

ExH has DD for court ordered contact EOW for 1 night, he picks her up from me and then on the Sunday drops her at the pool where I’m waiting.

He’s happy with swimming lessons, but wants her to stop Brownies in favour of Dance or Gymnastics.

For medical reasons DD can only do 2 activities a week, she’s 7 so I think 2 activities is perfect, still time to chill out after school 4 times a week but still time to develop a love for it.

She loves Brownies, sings the songs to her toys when not there, shows off her badges to anyone who’ll listen (she did Rainbows as well so has quite a few on a camp blanket) and is very excited for her very first sleepover in a few weeks. She’s made loads of friends there she wouldn’t have otherwise met.

I pay for everything to do with her 2 activities, from the actual lesson/subs to the equipment (uniform, swimming costume etc.).

ExH has told me he wants DD to stop Brownies and he will take me to court if I don’t. He wants me instead to take her to dance or gymnastics. I’ve said if he pays I will but he doesn’t want to pay for it, he wants me to.

It’s a tricky one because at 7 DD gets some say, but if asked she’d want to do dance and/or gymnastics but I doubt she’d give up Brownies to do it.

I’ve emailed my solicitor to see what she says but does anyone know if AIBU to say no unless he pays for it?

His reasons are his sister was a talented gymnast and dancer. None of his family did scouting or guiding (neither did I until Guides) so it’s a bit unknown to him.

So AIBU?

Ha ha, he's on glue.

What you and DD want to do during your time with her is up to her and you.

What he wants to do with DD during his time with her is up to her and him. If it's that important to him, he can sort it, but he can't ask you to sort it. The cheek!

Your current arrangement sounds great. Flooding a small child with extracurricular activities can wear them out. There are many years in the future when she can take on additional activities if she wants to.

her consultant has said to keep it to 2 in 7 days preferably with one on a weekend

Well, there's the answer. My dgd does gymnastics and the classes are three times a week. My dd is a dancer and always had way more than one class a week too.

I hope your daughter's health condition will improve, but Brownies and swimming sound just right.

My DD9 is a competitive gymnast. 13hrs of training per week costs me £110/m plus insurance plus £25 club fees per year. Plus leotards (for training AND comp), paralettes, ankle weights, chalk (£2.50 per block, they last about 2ish months), hand guards. Comp fees (and spectators get the pleasure of then paying to watch!), plus fuel to get there, sometimes parking fees.

I get that most are thinking of an hour or two per week of gymnastics may be doable and worth ditching swimming but if anyone (like the ex who doesn’t want to pay OR facilitate the activity) is thinking competition level it’s a huge commitment.

But as already said, tell him to take you to court. He won’t.

Let him take you to court

If she likes Brownies then why would you change. Its not a question of who pays. No court would givd him the time of day over this.,

It sounds like regular gymnastics or dance would suit her with her condition but if she’s keen to try either look for a place that offers one-off sessions in the school holidays. She might really enjoy it in a week when she’s not at school.

*wouldn’t suit her that should read

@underneaththeash you have no idea what the child's condition is.
Given most activities for children last an hour it's more than feasible for a doctor to recommend doing just two extra activities per week.

Not to mention children have homework to do and she may also have afterschool club as her mum works.

Gymnastics and Dance both involve a lot of cost and time not to mention how tiring they must be for a child who's already got a health condition.

Ops trying to balance the best for her child. I'm another who believes children should be able to swim compently.

Op tell him to take you to court if he wants.

I actually laughed out loud....take you to court...over brownies!

Honestly he doesn't get to dictate how you spend your time with Dd.

He has her eow.. He can ask but you decide.

I agree with PP. One highly physical activity and one less physical seems good, especially since she's already tired by the end of the school week.

You Ex sounds like an idiot, frankly. So his child can only do activities someone in his family has done, then? Weird attitude!

I'd tell him you'll ask your daughter if she wants to swap swimming for dance once she's reached the level of swimming ability you're comfortable with. But if she's happy, who cares what he thinks? Brownies is a perfectly fine activity for a child, even if no-one in his family ever participated.

Your ex is a dickhead. Your dd’s needs totally come first and I can see why you’re prioritising swimming.

I agree with others about the level of energy required for dancing or gymnastics. My dd dances at a school, which is known for excellence and has created professionals in the field. She also used to do acro/gymnastics for 2.5 hours a week for fun but now only does the classical basics now. Ballet, tap and modern. By 6/7, at her school that’s 1 hour a week per discipline minimum. By the time dd reached about 9/10, ballet was 2 hours. At 12 it went to 3.5 with extra technique and pointe work, which she would have joined sooner but we had lockdown. All of this is just for fun btw. Competitions are many many hours on top and can be whole weekends, several weekends a year. The best dancers go abroad to compete.

All of this be it high level dance or gymnastics is far beyond your dd’s energy levels. Her health is paramount. You are doing the correct thing. Your dd can dance for fun when she is older. She should be protected from thinking about doing any of this competitively and hopefully by then she will have more stamina. Maybe she will be able to join in the annual shows.

You will have to choose the school wisely, such as not one based on exams with classes streamed in dance ability otherwise she will end up in a class with tiny kids. She could maybe start a ballroom class etc when she’s ready at 8 or 10. Or join a fun place, which caters for all children including those with some kind of additional needs.

It sounds as if your ex doesn’t know your dd at all. What a vile pig to think making your dd a star is more important than her health.

He can’t force you to take her to a specific activity on your days, or force you to pay for it. If he wants her to do something, it’s on his days and he pays. He’ll get nowhere in court. Ignore.

Haha I'd love to see the solicitor letter re Brownies...

I'd ask her, gymnastics, dance or brownies. She's said brownies so that's that!

Can i also mention 50 metres is the gateway for many water sports, out local inflatable session. 25 metres is national curriculum standarrd

He’s thinking about himself rather than what is best for his daughter. She’s got a well established hobby that she loves and rather than uproot her from it and plonk her in something that HE wants her to do, he should be playing his part in supporting her love for Brownies.

Why are some parents like this?? YANBU at all.

Just say ok see you in court and crack on

He sees her for a minimal amount of tim3, does not pay for any activities and has no idea

Stop pandering to him, let him waste his solicitors time

Maybe tell him that a real court won't entertain it on grounds of it being ridiculous but if he wants to act it out for fun maybe there are some kids looking for their 'pretend lawyer' badge at Brownies

@Rachie1973

Lol say ‘ok. Take me to court over Brownies’. Then stop fretting about it

Lol by the time he'll get a hearing for this non issue, your daughter will be 15😂

@bigbaggyeyes hahaha.
Never mind the letter can you imagine him walking into his lawyer

EX "Emm I want you to write to my ex demanding she stops our daughter going to swimming and brownies because i want her to do gymnastics and dance instead"

Lawyer "what shall I say are your reasons"

Ex "Eh because my sister was good at both"

Lawyer

This thread made me laugh.
See you in court, brownies be gone!! 😂

[quote Lockdownbear]@bigbaggyeyes hahaha.
Never mind the letter can you imagine him walking into his lawyer

EX "Emm I want you to write to my ex demanding she stops our daughter going to swimming and brownies because i want her to do gymnastics and dance instead"

Lawyer "what shall I say are your reasons"

Ex "Eh because my sister was good at both"

Lawyer [/quote]
😂😂😂

"No" is a complete sentence. So is "Fuck you, little man." So is "Hahahahahahahahahahaha." Oh there are so many complete sentences that come to mind with this one.

@underneaththeash
"As a HCP, I know, there is no way that a consultant would be that specific."
My DD has hypermobility, as well as other conditions. Her consultant came up with a plan, along with me other HCPs and it was specific. My DD had speech therapy, as well. Then you have to figure in homework and pure fun activities, as well as visiting family/friends. Horse riding was one of her activities, that wasn't only physical, it also had emotional benefits. So you are wrong and shouldn't be spouting the "I'm a HCP" line.

OP my GC do dance gymnastics (for the under 6). Even at their stage it's twice a week with additional practice, with blocks, roller etc at home. It doesn't sound as though it would be suitable for her.

You surely don’t even have to engage with him on this topic at all! Id just ignore tbh

Let him go to court lolz he be laughed out of the place

If he really wants her to attend another class he can organise something himself
I wouldn’t even give it another thought .