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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: the half-cup of tea brigade

239 replies

Shedbuilder · 30/09/2021 21:29

My late MIL used to turn every offer of a cup of tea or a biscuit or sandwich into a major performance. Just half a cup/ half a biscuit / a quarter of a sandwich not a drop or crumb more because 'I can't manage any more than half a cup yada yada yada...' Everyone knew she had a small appetite so we automatically gave her tiny portions — but if you were foolish enough to ask her if she'd like something to eat or drink you'd get the full performance. And once you delivered the tea/ biscuit/ sandwich there'd be a cheery telling-off. 'Oooh, this is far too much. Call this half a cup? I could drown in this sea of tea...' So no matter what you did with the intention of being kind and supportive, you were always in the wrong.

It irritated everyone, even though her family all loved her to bits. This evening I offered my DP some leftover apple crumble and got the full MIL treatment. 'Just a tiny bit: think half of what you'd have and then halve that. And don't go drowning it in custard, I know what you're like with custard...' So I served a teaspoonful of apple crumble in an eggcup with a tiny blob of custard and as I set it down in front of DP I said jokingly 'You're turning into your mother!' Cue a huge row about me insulting the sacred memory of MIL and doors slamming.

What's the half-cup-of-tea things really about? I have no problem at all with someone saying they're not very hungry, they'll just have a mouthful of whatever. Or a small cup of tea. But there's a point at which it slips into controlling behaviour. Or AIBU?

PS Perhaps I should add that my DP isn't on a diet or anything.

OP posts:
TheAntiGardener · 30/09/2021 21:34

I don’t know about the half cup of tea thing, but I do have experience of a DP who bridles at even the faintest criticism of his parents. It’s tiresome. They are people, not saints, and I consider it a part of growing up to understand that about your parents.

So I think that aspect is equally as annoying as the silly carry-on about portion sizes!

elQuintoConyo · 30/09/2021 21:35

No idea if yabu/yanbu but you made me laughter-bark at the TV at the eggcup of apple crumble Grin priceless!

bridgeofslides · 30/09/2021 21:37

Yanbu this would drive me fucking nuts

FelicityBeedle · 30/09/2021 21:38

I love the egg cup! DP asked for a a little drink of juice so I gave it to him in a shot glass. Yours is better

MotherWol · 30/09/2021 21:38

I think that’d be the last time I’d offer to serve him anything! Just bring the dishes to the table and let him serve himself. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

HeadNorth · 30/09/2021 21:39

My MIL is the same, but fortunately DH and I can both snigger with each other over her 'just a wee bit of vanilla ice cream for me, not too much, I don't know how you can manage all that etc etc'

The sad reality is I think my MIL has disordered eating and always has to eat the least and be the thinnest person in the room. She is now riddled with osteoporosis, so that worked out well for her.

Pl242 · 30/09/2021 21:39

My MIL is also of the “just a small cup of tea” mindset. I don’t get it either! Just drink what you want and leave the rest 🤷‍♀️

Halfofyou · 30/09/2021 21:39

I know no-one like this, luckily, that would drive me mad! Maybe it’s attention seeking behaviour? I absolutely love the apple crumble egg cup story though!!

Changechangychange · 30/09/2021 21:41

Your DH and DMIL are just both crazy. The half cup of tea is not a widespread thing.

Hardbackwriter · 30/09/2021 21:41

It's a performance born of either a fear of being considered greedy (I've known a few very overweight women who did this, clearly for this reason) or a desire to stress one's superior self-control. I have known dozens of women who do it, though, but never encountered a man who does it - so I guess your DH is striking a blow for gender equality at least!

thenightsky · 30/09/2021 21:41

My dad was like this... His answer to anything was 'I'll just ave half' or 'just a drop for me'. All said in a broad Yorkshire Dales accent.

ZenNudist · 30/09/2021 21:41

This is not a thing. Your MIL was mad.

I do know people who like a very small bit of cake. That's fine. Half a cup is ridiculous. What do you do with the other half? Reuse the teabag?!

Hdhdjejdj · 30/09/2021 21:43

My dm eats half a banana and half an apple. A whole one is too much apparently Confused

DoraMaude · 30/09/2021 21:43

Mmm. You'll find as you get older you might start to behave like this. I'm only in my 50s but find I now struggle to eat large portions (no idea why I'm fat!) and I can hear myself saying 'just a little bit for me' or 'just a small cup please'. I hate it.

Your DH probably thought you were mocking his
Mum's memory, although I found it quite funny.

LittleBearPad · 30/09/2021 21:44

So I served a teaspoonful of apple crumble in an eggcup with a tiny blob of custard

You utter star OP.

Babymamamama · 30/09/2021 21:45

God knows what it’s about. My DGranny did it in her latter years god rest her soul, to good effect actually as she slimmed right down and lived healthily to a ripe old age. My (not quite so D)M also did it. Tedious discussions every time I made her anything to eat or drink. I don’t know what it’s about or where it stems from. But I do think it triggers at a certain age.

Flup · 30/09/2021 21:46

My late FIL was lovely but a wisp of a man and he did this. It was as though it genuinely pained him to be over faced. DH has started with it...

Shedbuilder · 30/09/2021 21:46

@HeadNorth

My MIL is the same, but fortunately DH and I can both snigger with each other over her 'just a wee bit of vanilla ice cream for me, not too much, I don't know how you can manage all that etc etc'

The sad reality is I think my MIL has disordered eating and always has to eat the least and be the thinnest person in the room. She is now riddled with osteoporosis, so that worked out well for her.

HeadNorth, such a relief to encounter someone else who knows what I'm talking about! MIL didn't have an eating issue but she was always tiny (4'10", built like a sparrow and as strong as a little ox) and as she got older her appetite declined. We all knew this and she would always be served small portions. But it turned into this tedious game — and I can't spend the next 30 years with DP playing it.

MotherWol, this is the first time this has happened. DP's had a bad day and so I guess the strop about her mum was her way of working her frustration out.

OP posts:
CalmDownBoris72 · 30/09/2021 21:46

I know people lie this, more so in my hometown in SW Wales and only of a certain generation where the mindset on waste was very different especially when money was tight.

I love the egg cup, that would have had me peeing my pants laughing!

Hardbackwriter · 30/09/2021 21:47

So sorry, just realised I assumed your DP was a man (and read it as DH) and clearly not! Teaches me to make unfounded assumptions...

Dogscanteatonions · 30/09/2021 21:48

My dp's family are like this. I am perpetually starving at their house. Every time I hear "enough is as good as a feast" it gives me the rage.

CarpeVitam · 30/09/2021 21:48

@elQuintoConyo

No idea if yabu/yanbu but you made me laughter-bark at the TV at the eggcup of apple crumble Grin priceless!
Ditto! 🤣
Blackkoala · 30/09/2021 21:49

My MIL is like this. It doesn’t matter how small I make her portion, she will announce that it’s too much food for her and leave half of it. It drives me mad - why can’t she just eat as much as she wants and leave the rest without the big song and dance that leaves everyone else feeling like a glutton for having a normal portion?

In all other ways she’s a lovely, lovely person so I let it go but it really does drive me mad!

Hardbackwriter · 30/09/2021 21:49

Mmm. You'll find as you get older you might start to behave like this. I'm only in my 50s but find I now struggle to eat large portions (no idea why I'm fat!) and I can hear myself saying 'just a little bit for me' or 'just a small cup please'. I hate it.

I think it's 100% fine to want a small portion, it's the absolute horror about it if the portion is larger that's the tedious performance. My MIL won't eat in places where 'the portions are too big' - just leave what you don't want!

Shedbuilder · 30/09/2021 21:49

@Hardbackwriter

So sorry, just realised I assumed your DP was a man (and read it as DH) and clearly not! Teaches me to make unfounded assumptions...
No need to apologise. 90% of the time your assumption would have been correct.
OP posts:
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