AIBU: the half-cup of tea brigade

[Shedbuilder]

My late MIL used to turn every offer of a cup of tea or a biscuit or sandwich into a major performance. Just half a cup/ half a biscuit / a quarter of a sandwich not a drop or crumb more because 'I can't manage any more than half a cup yada yada yada...' Everyone knew she had a small appetite so we automatically gave her tiny portions — but if you were foolish enough to ask her if she'd like something to eat or drink you'd get the full performance. And once you delivered the tea/ biscuit/ sandwich there'd be a cheery telling-off. 'Oooh, this is far too much. Call this half a cup? I could drown in this sea of tea...' So no matter what you did with the intention of being kind and supportive, you were always in the wrong.

It irritated everyone, even though her family all loved her to bits. This evening I offered my DP some leftover apple crumble and got the full MIL treatment. 'Just a tiny bit: think half of what you'd have and then halve that. And don't go drowning it in custard, I know what you're like with custard...' So I served a teaspoonful of apple crumble in an eggcup with a tiny blob of custard and as I set it down in front of DP I said jokingly 'You're turning into your mother!' Cue a huge row about me insulting the sacred memory of MIL and doors slamming.

What's the half-cup-of-tea things really about? I have no problem at all with someone saying they're not very hungry, they'll just have a mouthful of whatever. Or a small cup of tea. But there's a point at which it slips into controlling behaviour. Or AIBU?

PS Perhaps I should add that my DP isn't on a diet or anything.

Yes , DSIS wanted ‘ just a dribble ‘ of wine in her glass
I was so tempted to gargle a dribble in … but didn’t

Nothing more than an apple crumble storm in an egg cup.

Looking forward to a massive portion of apple crumble this weekend. ‘‘Twas too warm for it last week.

@WellTidy
I find it hilarious! They also eat 3 breakfasts, starting at about 6am with tea and toast, then a proper breakfast of yoghurt, cereals, more toast, fruit eggs etc. Then a croissant around 11.

Yet if I said I wanted a proper dinner after lunch out then it would be full on

My gran and elderly MIL do this. It’s a combination of a decline in appetite with the post war ration era memories that food should never be wasted.

I think it’s generational, and depending on age, linked to rationing etc during the war and and post it. My parents are mid 70s and tell stories about stuff like sugar not fully coming off ration until mid-late 50’s and it’s definitely shaped their association with food and supplies (the shortages last year brought that into stark effect )

Being overweight was seen as a bad thing (no self control, probably eating others rations / getting black market etc) and people taught themselves to eat less, hence the ‘ one hot meal a day’ thing. I also think older people watch their cash flow in a lot of cases, and are probably thinking about a meal out is offset by toast / soup or similar at home

My dad grew up with rationing and was a greedy fucker because he surmised that after rationing he would stuff his face merrily because he could.

My MIL says 'I'll have a knats knee size' it drives us mad. I just give her a normal portion of anything and tell her my FIL will finish it if she doesn't.
He is always ravenous and at 6ft very underweight. I have to fatten him up when he visits. He has been known to pick the meat off the chicken carcass in secret whilst in the kitchen, and always finishes our uneaten food from our plates. It's quite embarrassing.

@BoredZelda

My MIL won't eat in places where 'the portions are too big' - just leave what you don't want!

A generational thing might be at play here. I hate leaving half a plate of food, it is so wasteful. Why should I pay for a full plate of food I know I’m not going to eat? I hate the idea of any food going to waste and this comes from my mother who grew up post war and also finds it hard to leave food on her plate. Why can’t places just serve less food?

Well, because most people want the bigger portion! And places with smaller portions don't usually charge less... I just think it's a mad reason to choose a restaurant, that it might give you more food than you want.

@Shedbuilder

Never known anyone like this in my life

Oh yes I’ve had this too “give me one or half a potato” “just a teeny portion for me” cutting a cupcake into quarters etc

Not as bad as SIL who always seemed to hang out when our online shopping delivery came and liked to critique our order because she apparently lived on bags of kale and broccoli.

I was expecting him to be angry at the egg cup 😂

I don't think I've ever wanted a small portion of crumble in my life. Pass it over and drowned in custard please. Oh and two mugs of tea

I don't do the half portions of food (without going back for the other half!)
But I've decided that tea in a teapot - one bag is too strong for a cup, too weak for two, so its either find a small cup, or have one and a half cups.

WIll also ask for v small glass of wine - less likely to drink too much.

I do tend to just want a half portion of coffee in the mornings before a tube journey into work as I am getting old and may want a wee! But we usually have mugs and could just use the tea cup instead for a smaller drink!

This is exactly like my grandma, has to make a big song & dance about not being hungry & watching everyone else eat. Then I catch her in the fridge afterwards eating blocks of cheese! She tries to deny it when she's literally got a mouthful of cheese, honestly it baffles me 😑

Firstly, op, I love you.

Secondly; only time I've ever heard the 'half a cup of rea' request was around the term of the millenium when I temped in an office. Thinking I hadn't quite caught the request (as a 19 yo temp) I checked and the response was loudly declared to the whole office "PEOPLE SEEM TO STRUGGLE WITH ME HAVING HALF A CUP OF TEA AND I DON'T KNOW WHY'

The office 'mugs' were tiny, I might as well have chucked the slops from the old cups of tea into one cup and microwaved them to make her half cup of tea reader I did

If I can vent about my own not so dear M on her part this kind of behaviour is an attention seeking thing. "Look at meeeeeee!!! I eat like a bird!!!"

Quite a few years ago The Harvester used to print the calories of each individual dish on the menu. My mother - on discovering this - always went for the 'Simply Chicken' (half a rancid flame grilled chicken breast with a sullen baked potato side) and SHOUTED that that was what she was having at whoever was assembled. Looking for a ginormous handclap for her tiny bird like appetite.

I've been no-contact with her for 5 years now (don't be sorry she's an abuse enabling cow) but DH and I still refer to a particularly smug look as "pulling a simply chicken face".

I feel better for getting that out. Sorry to hijack OP YANBU.

@CiaoForNiao Mum ate half and said she'd have the rest for dinner. Then said "oh well. You won't need to cook tonight then after that meal". Ummm... dc will still want a meal and ill be hungry again by then

Omg my mum does this if we go out for lunch! Or says I’ll only need a sandwich for my tea. There’s hours between lunch and tea, I get hungry!

My MIL is also a competitive undereater, funny how it never applies to chocolate though!

My mum used to do this.

"Oh that's FAR too much for me, I won't eat all of that, take some off the plate" etc- and then finish it all and ask for more

Her other really bloody irritating charming quirk was to preface every meal I served her with "You haven't given me cabbage have you? Cabbage makes me vomit".

Every. Time. Despite me saying every time that I'd never, in all my cooking life, served her cabbage, because I knew she didn't like it.

She had a very sensitive stomach, dontcha know.

My aunt did this and her favourite restaurant already did senior citizen portion but according to her it was far too much food. It became a running joke in the family.

My PIL aren't eating dinner and are wondering why we want food in the evening when we stay with them. I have a good relationship with them but still feel strange eating a whole meal with DH and DD in the kitchen while they are in the living room sipping a glass of wine and listening to Classic FM.

Just ignore the hints and just serve her what you think she would like to eat.

Somehow half a cup of tea makes me feel quite unsettled. Ask for a small cup by all means- you'd have to in my house because most of our mugs are huge- but half a cup?! Do you use half a teabag?!

@Queenoftheashes

Yanbu. I’m off to make a crumble.

Brill

It goes back to the days when men were served food first. In my Mum's family my Grandfather and my Mum's brothers ate first. My Grandmother and the girls ate the left overs as they didn't have to work at the factory.

HA! I actually did this when the DC & I were having dinner with my mum the other week. I'd eaten far, far too much already, and then she announced she had biscoff ice cream cake for dessert. I really wanted some, but knew I'd end up feeling sick and miserable, so I said 'a really, really tiny piece. Like an egg cup sized portion.'

She duly served me up an egg cup of ice cream, with two raspberries, on a saucer. I thought it was hilarious, and so did she!

Yes, it's the "half of what you'd have and halve it again" that would irk me. It seems to imply that your normal portion would be enormous. That's tiresome, even if it wasn't intended that way. I don't think there's anything wrong with pointing that out, though maybe next time I'd do it without any comparisons to her mother.