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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say there are some decent men

717 replies

Poppyscone · 30/09/2021 15:31

I know there are many threads about how shit men are. It may be a shit partner not helping, abused by a stranger, sexism etc etc etc.

But to say some men are decent. My DH said this morning re the policemen just sentenced “we men are mostly basically shit aren’t we”
I told him he was one of the good ones and the good ones need to carry on trying to challenging these men who basically hate women
My DH had challenged many men over their behaviour towards women including dropping friendships.

I have epilepsy and DH had always had my back and supported me. Done more then his fare share with kids including most night feeds as well as working full time which I can do. Letting me sleep and recover after a seizure and taking charge without complaining.

He always make me feel good about myself, never pesters for sex and is a good dad.

Yep sure he had his faults he is a bit disorganised and he seems to think dirty clothes belong on the bedroom floor (but does pick them up when asked)
He snores like a machine gun and I have to wear earplug but on the whole he is a decent bloke and I am sure there are many more out there. I would just like to here about them

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
EspressoDoubleShot · 03/10/2021 22:55

Have the witches in the coven got you wrong? Have the worked up women misunderstood you? Ohhh we have ganged up @Tevian

Tevion28 · 03/10/2021 22:56

youvegottenminuteslynn
Yes I acknowledge it i would have previously but got swayed by the nasty responses I was getting

LexMitior · 03/10/2021 22:57

All this stuff about fighting back is such crap. A man is far stronger, he can damage you, beat you and kill you quite easily. Combine that with some authority and no, women aren't going to resist.

The SAS tell their MEN not to fight if they can avoid it and running is best. Fighting or acting physically with a man is very, very dangerous for women.

Tevion28 · 03/10/2021 23:00

Surely there must be at least one poster on here who can see the ganging up i myself have witnessed this on other threads

PurpleDaisies · 03/10/2021 23:01

@Tevion28

Surely there must be at least one poster on here who can see the ganging up i myself have witnessed this on other threads
You are surprised nobody is agreeing with your position that we should all go nuclear on our bigger, stronger, armed male attackers?
youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/10/2021 23:02

@Tevion28

youvegottenminuteslynn Yes I acknowledge it i would have previously but got swayed by the nasty responses I was getting
What would you have acknowledged earlier? I ask genuinely as I'm baffled that your response to perceived 'attacks' would be to fight back (your face) rather than to say shit, yes I never thought of it like that.

So what have you learned from the responses tonight? Do you mean you've learned that it's madness to say 'well I would fight back' as if us women who have been raped just didn't try hard enough to do so?

Tevion28 · 03/10/2021 23:02

I was merrily feeling angry that men can have this power over us hence the feelings of wanting to batter the fucker

EspressoDoubleShot · 03/10/2021 23:03

Here’s the thing. People have a wholly unrealistic idea of how they’d respond to sudden violence . They’d fight,scratch,bite to save themselves
This is unfortunately a construction of what the victim should do. The good victim has injuries sustained fighting back or had the chutzpah to say Nooooo. Unfortunately the research shows juries expect rape victims to fight back be fierce. When the women don’t have have injuries sustained in resistance or described frozen fear it is used to undermine and create doubt as to authenticity of account

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/10/2021 23:03

@Tevion28

Surely there must be at least one poster on here who can see the ganging up i myself have witnessed this on other threads
Multiple people being offended by and challenging the same things you've said (that were outrageously insensitive and victim blaming) isn't 'ganging up'.
PurpleDaisies · 03/10/2021 23:03

@Tevion28

I was merrily feeling angry that men can have this power over us hence the feelings of wanting to batter the fucker
That was not the extent of it. Go back and read your posts where you told ms carrying an alarm and pepper spray would have helped me when I was mugged at knifepoint.
AnyFucker · 03/10/2021 23:04

Having lots of people disagree with you is not”hanging up”

It simply means you have said something that is wrong. Admit that and maybe these “witches” will have no further issue with you

AnyFucker · 03/10/2021 23:04

*ganging

Tevion28 · 03/10/2021 23:04

youvegottenminuteslynn
Anger is what it was I would like to batter any man that tries to attack but yes I understand its not always possible

ftw163532 · 03/10/2021 23:05

Anybody who uses "victim" as a slur in the way a certain poster has on this thread is not worth the time of day.

CandyLeBonBon · 03/10/2021 23:05

I was raped when I was 19. Anyone who knows me would assume I would have put up a fight. I froze. And 'let it happen because I was too shocked to do anything.

I was badly beaten up by a partner more than once. I didn't fight back then either. Because sitting as still as possible seemed to be safer than fighting him and making it worse.

I'm sure you do think you'd be 'brave' and fight back, but honestly you really don't know how you'll react.

So a bit of humility when talking about such difficult and sensitive topics is probably wise @Tevion28

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/10/2021 23:05

@EspressoDoubleShot

Here’s the thing. People have a wholly unrealistic idea of how they’d respond to sudden violence . They’d fight,scratch,bite to save themselves This is unfortunately a construction of what the victim should do. The good victim has injuries sustained fighting back or had the chutzpah to say Nooooo. Unfortunately the research shows juries expect rape victims to fight back be fierce. When the women don’t have have injuries sustained in resistance or described frozen fear it is used to undermine and create doubt as to authenticity of account
It's awful isn't it. People used to talk about fight or flight but the reality is that the 'safest' option for a victim is actually a third one - freeze.

And as you know, nobody knows how they would react when being attacked - fight / flight / freeze.

People saying one is more valid than the other, more useful than the other, more helpful than the other etc is so victim blaming it hurts.

Thank you and others for understanding that Thanks

Tevion28 · 03/10/2021 23:07

I never ever would blame the victim it wasn't meant to come across like that. I just wish we could all beat the bastards for daring to hurt us

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/10/2021 23:07

@Tevion28

youvegottenminuteslynn Anger is what it was I would like to batter any man that tries to attack but yes I understand its not always possible
Rarely. It's rarely possible for a woman to overpower a man who wants to sexually assault them or rape them.

That's a fact.

Do you see now how your comments are victim blaming and offensive? I never get why people can't just say shit yes I'm sorry that was wrong of me.

You said it about the thread you claimed you never started but not about comments that could severely hurt women who have been assaulted or raped.

PurpleDaisies · 03/10/2021 23:08

@Tevion28

I never ever would blame the victim it wasn't meant to come across like that. I just wish we could all beat the bastards for daring to hurt us
This looks like you were blaming me for not carrying the right tools to fight my mugger.
To say there are some decent men
youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/10/2021 23:09

@Tevion28

I never ever would blame the victim it wasn't meant to come across like that. I just wish we could all beat the bastards for daring to hurt us
But it did come across like that. And when people explained it came across like that, your reaction was to get angry, call them witches and accuse them of bullying you.

Not to think ok multiple people are offended by what I said... maybe I said something bad.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 03/10/2021 23:10

Not my Nigel!

Cousin to NAMALT.

Out of curiosity, has anyone, ever, made the point that all men actually are like that? I can't say that I've ever seen them.

Which would make NAMALT pretty much the greatest straw man of modern times. And it gets very wearing to hear it trotted out, without fail, on every thread where women are discussing some hideous abuse they've endured at the hands of men, not least in the context of the sentencing for one of the worst crimes I think I've ever read about.

Well done, OP, oh well done 🤮

Tevion28 · 03/10/2021 23:11

I'm sorry I hope you can all recognise it was a clumsy post and wasn't meant to offend

EspressoDoubleShot · 03/10/2021 23:11

This is really a hard going topic,women disclosing rape & violence
@trevian just concede you posted some ghastly comments & apologise

PurpleDaisies · 03/10/2021 23:11

@Tevion28

I'm sorry I hope you can all recognise it was a clumsy post and wasn't meant to offend
Which one are you referring to? There are so many.
Tevion28 · 03/10/2021 23:13

Well this one

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