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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP keeps waking me up

192 replies

cazb4 · 30/09/2021 14:49

My DP goes through periods of insomnia. Usually lasts 4 or 5 days and it happens every other week, maybe a bit less. When he has these periods he probably gets about 2 or 3 hours sleep a night. When this happens, he is up and down out of bed all night, tossing and turning, banging around, muttering and getting cross (with himself). No consideration for the fact I'm lying next to him. I actually think he might be being loud on purpose so that I am then awake too. Last night was the third night of this happening and today I am shattered. He wakes me up every single time and I then end up being awake most of the night too. I work full time and have 2 DC so being exhausted makes everything so much harder.

DP doesn't actually live with me, but stays most nights. This has been happening for such a long time that I spoke to him about it today. Although I feel for him, and have suggested various options to try and stop the insomnia, I said that maybe when he has these periods he stays at home. I am exhausted and finding work/looking after the DC/life in general hard work after the 4th night of 2 hours sleep.

DP is incredibly offended and thinks I am being completely unreasonable with this suggestion. Maybe I am? I'm just so tired.

OP posts:
WaltzingBetty · 01/10/2021 13:14

You need to have a proper conversation about this.

It's pretty clear that he cannot bear you enjoying sleep when he cannot and would rather have you suffer than leave you in peace.
He sounds like a selfish dick

FrenchBoule · 01/10/2021 13:16

So he doesn’t sleep and neither you do.
He goes off to sleep and expect you to stay awake because it’s “not fair”?

I’d be telling him to to his place there and then to put it mildly.

Seriously OP, WTF? He’s a selfish git and you’re suffering.

Ellie56 · 01/10/2021 13:16

Why are you still with this quite frankly, weird, selfish twat?

You can do a lot better than him.

billy1966 · 01/10/2021 14:24

Why have you brought this abusive man who doesn't give a shit about you or your children, whom you are afraid to upset into your home?

Why would you do that to your children?

MrsFlinch · 01/10/2021 16:07

Do you know what op?
I don’t think he was joking, he might have dressed it up as a joke and gave a little snigger to convince you it was a joke but this isn’t a joke in anyway shape or form.

He’s telling you who he is and has totally disregarded any conversations you have had previously.

I think I’d now be telling him to go home……permanently!

Unanananana · 01/10/2021 16:21

@cazb4

Quick update. DP said he felt very tired yesterday and said he knew he would fall asleep once in bed. I figured this was probably true as he's already had 4 nights of no sleep. We got in to bed and I started to nod off straight away. When he saw this he asked me if I was going to sleep already, and said it wasn't fair that I was going to fall asleep first. Again, said in a jokey way. I asked him if he actually expected me to stay awake until he had fallen asleep, and he said that'd be lovely (again, jokey).

He did sleep most of the night last night as he took sleeping tablets. But it's safe to say that I am absolutely fuming today about his complete selfishness and quite frankly, bizarre behaviour over this. I can only conclude that he doesn't actually give a crap about me!

Why would you even allow him to stay? Whats with all the joking around about something so serious? Whats the matter with you?
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 01/10/2021 16:25

Don’t fume! Get rid of him!

ChargingBuck · 01/10/2021 16:28

DP is incredibly offended and thinks I am being completely unreasonable with this suggestion.

I am so over men's entitlement.

He comes to your home, keeps you awake (of course it's deliberate - would you do the same to him?), refuses to seek advice or remedies for his sleep, doesn't apologise for constantly waking you, & is now offended at you maintaining a boundary?

He hasn't once thought of how his behaviour is affecting you, has he?
Selfish twat.

Notmoresugar · 01/10/2021 17:28

I think your standards are way way too low.

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/10/2021 17:39

@cazb4

Quick update. DP said he felt very tired yesterday and said he knew he would fall asleep once in bed. I figured this was probably true as he's already had 4 nights of no sleep. We got in to bed and I started to nod off straight away. When he saw this he asked me if I was going to sleep already, and said it wasn't fair that I was going to fall asleep first. Again, said in a jokey way. I asked him if he actually expected me to stay awake until he had fallen asleep, and he said that'd be lovely (again, jokey).

He did sleep most of the night last night as he took sleeping tablets. But it's safe to say that I am absolutely fuming today about his complete selfishness and quite frankly, bizarre behaviour over this. I can only conclude that he doesn't actually give a crap about me!

He lives a five minute car drive away. It REALLY is time he went home at night.
OrangeTortoise · 01/10/2021 17:58

I am open mouthed OP Shock not only is he incredibly selfish but he doesn't even try to hide it!

thelastgoldeneagle · 01/10/2021 18:02

Well, stop putting up with it!! Kick him out, the selfish bellend.

WildfirePonie · 01/10/2021 18:55

Wow he selfish.

Don't let him stay over anymore, he's got his own place!

Not your problem that he can't sleep and why would you put up with being woken up anyway.

Is he a cocklodger?

AdoraBell · 01/10/2021 20:21

Having seen your latest update I would tell him to fuck off, and don’t come back.

Notaroadrunner · 01/10/2021 20:47

@AdoraBell

Having seen your latest update I would tell him to fuck off, and don’t come back.
I agree. Dump him and you'll be a new woman having the bed to yourself and as much sleep as you want.
Hattie765 · 02/10/2021 10:47

I honestly can't understand why you don't just insist he goes home. Why are you putting up with it? If he loves you he'll come back. He sounds like an arse though tbh, my DH will always try his best not to wake me if he's up (probably because I go batshit crazy when he does wake me accidentally).

Borderterrierpuppy · 02/10/2021 14:52

Oh Chuck him!
Change your sheets, reclaim your bedroom, and enjoy your kids :))

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