DP keeps waking me up

[cazb4]

My DP goes through periods of insomnia. Usually lasts 4 or 5 days and it happens every other week, maybe a bit less. When he has these periods he probably gets about 2 or 3 hours sleep a night. When this happens, he is up and down out of bed all night, tossing and turning, banging around, muttering and getting cross (with himself). No consideration for the fact I'm lying next to him. I actually think he might be being loud on purpose so that I am then awake too. Last night was the third night of this happening and today I am shattered. He wakes me up every single time and I then end up being awake most of the night too. I work full time and have 2 DC so being exhausted makes everything so much harder.

DP doesn't actually live with me, but stays most nights. This has been happening for such a long time that I spoke to him about it today. Although I feel for him, and have suggested various options to try and stop the insomnia, I said that maybe when he has these periods he stays at home. I am exhausted and finding work/looking after the DC/life in general hard work after the 4th night of 2 hours sleep.

DP is incredibly offended and thinks I am being completely unreasonable with this suggestion. Maybe I am? I'm just so tired.

@cazb4

No other issues really. Or though I have noticed more recently that if I disagree with something he has said then I'm 'in a bad mood'!

My exH used to do this. It ground me down to the point that I felt I couldn’t talk to him about anything in case he disagreed.

You’re not being unreasonable to suggest he goes home. I hope he does and you get a better sleep tonight!

Send him home. He's deliberately and unnecessarily making you suffer.

Dreadful sleeper here, but I get up silently and move elsewhere. Him making a song and dance about it is incredibly inconsiderate.

He’s really done a number on you thinking you’re unreasonable for wanting to have a good nights sleep in your own home. And perish the thought you should have an opinion.

Got his feet under the table nicely, hasn’t he? Do you provide food and cook for him as well? What exactly does he contribute?

I’m under the sleep clinic. Dh and I sleep separately. He wakes me up when he goes to bed late, snoring etc as I am a light sleeper. I still wouldn’t have dreamt of waking him all the time when I couldn’t sleep.

My ex did this sort of thing and it was the straw that broke the camels back. He was a very early riser, I’m not, and when he woke he’d get up, put lights on, clatter about. It drove me demented especially as I didn’t sleep too well.

I realised it signified a total lack of respect, and that his “needs” were far more important than mine and that he just didn’t give a shit. It’s thoughtless and disrespectful and selfish and I realised I was done.

I have a new boyfriend now who is also an early riser, but the difference is he’ll creep out of bed and go downstairs quietly, and wake me 2 hours later with a cup of tea!

I would start questioning the relationship if I were you, as his lack of consideration could be a deeper sign of trouble.

DH has got a horrific sleep pattern........ naps all evening and then awake for a lot of the night. After months of being disturbed by him (deliberately some of the time), I had a massive meltdown and bought a bed for the spare room.

I sleep like a baby in there.

It's the lack of respect I found the worst.

As everyone else has said, you are definitely not being unreasonable. When I had a bad cold I felt bad for keeping my DP awake coughing and went and slept on the sofa. There’s no way I could regularly keep someone awake when I could go elsewhere.

I was going to suggest he stays in the living room or spare room if you have one. But he has his own place and subjects you to that?! Selfish in the extreme! Send him to his!

Time to fuck him off back to his own home.

Permanently.

Don't let him stay anymore!

May I be the first to ask precisely what positives this gentleman brings to your life?

He knows how dreadful it is to be short of sleep, yet deliberately steals your sleep from you? He sounds awful, I wouldn't like him as a partner

Is he the father of your DC.
Does he pay towards bills and food? If the answer is no he has no right to stay in your home whatsoever.

Wow how selfish! My husband coughs at night and so sleeps in the spare room. He wouldn’t dream of waking me up if he could avoid it. Your DP sounds horrid!

@Bananalanacake No he's not my DC's Dad.

Your dp is completely unfair, selfish and fucking rude.

Pack him off home to sleep. For good.

Does he contribute financially?

Why on God’s green earth do you put up with this?

@Triffid1

I'm sort of amazed that at some point you haven't sat up in bed in the middle of the night screaming, "Just go the FUCK home and be awake there!"

What a selfish prat.

This 👆

God no, you don't live together so there's no reason for you to put up with this. He needs to grow up! Send him home.

This isn’t fair to you or your dc, they need their mum fit and well, not tired from lack of sleep.

Put yourself and your children over this selfish, thoughtless man child.

Never marry this man.

How far away is his home?

@cazb4

I've just been made to feel so unreasonable for suggesting he go home. Moaning about how tired he is and how he's found the day exhausting. So have I! And I have 2 DC to care for as well!

Sorry, but he’s being a dick.

He has a house he lives in, he can go and be a dick there! When/if he can behave like a loving considerate partner, he can come back. It’s not down to you to facilitate his crappy behaviour in your home.

Naaah he’s out of order. He needs to go home and be a dick there I have issues with insomnia but never accidentally or deliberately wake my partner. I literally creep out of our bedroom and go to the lounge to read or listen to music on headphones.