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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to celebrate son’s birthday instead of his uncle’s 30th?

371 replies

Headsup101 · 30/09/2021 12:34

My son and brother-in-law both share the same birthday. This has never caused any problems in the past, however this year my MIL wants to have a family lunch/party as it is BIL’s 30th. This will be on their actual birthday and will be with a lot of family that we don’t really see or are that close to.
My MIL doesn’t make a huge fuss of our kids and I feel our son (who will be 9) will be overlooked. Plus it will be awkward if people are bringing presents for BIL but not our son.
I’ve not mentioned this to my husband yet as can’t face an argument, but AIBU to want to celebrate our son’s birthday at home instead of with them?

OP posts:
SuperstarDog · 30/09/2021 13:45

Love our grandchild dearly, care for him regularly, get on like a house on fire with both of his parents and our daughter’s in-laws. It’s not my place to organise his birthday celebrations though, that’s up to his mum and dad.

That’s fine. But you can’t expect your grandson to sit and not be made a fuss of on his 9th birthday whilst everyone celebrates your sons 30th, which is what MIL is expecting. Seriously, fuck that.

sillysmiles · 30/09/2021 13:46

roundy birthdays are important.

Yous son is 9 so old enough to explain you are going to have his birthday at home and then a party at grannys house for uncle Tom's big birthday.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/09/2021 13:47

That’s fine. But you can’t expect your grandson to sit and not be made a fuss of on his 9th birthday whilst everyone celebrates your sons 30th, which is what MIL is expecting. Seriously, fuck that.“

How is evil MIL expecting that? It’s a lunch. There are mornings and afternoons too. Why can’t OP do both?

SuperstarDog · 30/09/2021 13:47

Celebrate the Uncles birthday!
Your DS can do something on another day.

🤪🤪🤪

Standrewsschool · 30/09/2021 13:48

Your mil is planning a special meal, and inviting family who you don’t normally see. I think you would be rude not to attend. Your dc is old enough to understand that it’s uncles birthday. You can always have a party another day, have his presents in the morning. Maybe mil will also do a birthday cake for him.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 30/09/2021 13:49

9 Year old comes first.

Why would he want to go to his uncles birthday with a load of people coming for uncles birthday when as a kid your birthday is such an important event!

Would uncle like to spend his birthday at something 9 year old would like? I doubt it!

Say thanks but as its 9 years olds birthday too we already have plans! Can we catch up the day / week after?

sorted.

Willyoujustbequiet · 30/09/2021 13:52

Yanbu

30th isnt a big deal and your child should always trump a bil anyway.

You only get short time of birthdays when kids are little. I'd make the most of them

EmotionalSupportBear · 30/09/2021 13:52

YABU, go to the 30th, celebrate your sons in the morning with him, then arrange a party for another day.

Unless there is more to this with your In laws other than your MIL 'not making a fuss of the grandchildren' that you are planning to drip feed of course?

There are family members i have who share birthdays/anniversaries and we all manage amicably enough to spoil everyone equally, even if its not on the exact birthday.

Strugglingtodomybest · 30/09/2021 13:53

YABU

Comefromaway · 30/09/2021 13:53

YANBU. He's yous son. He comes before extended family members for you.

Phonelightmidnight · 30/09/2021 13:54

Celebrate your sons birthday the day before. It’s like when you have school on your birthday so you celebrate on the weekend or the evening. I would’ve thought the 30th birthday is more important.

SuperstarDog · 30/09/2021 13:54

My in laws can be fucking awful, but they wouldn’t not make a fuss of their grandchildren on their birthdays. 🤯

Pottedpalm · 30/09/2021 13:55

YABU.
People I know recently declined a close family wedding invite as it fell on their pfb’s first birthday. They said they wanted to have a family outing that day. The other family members had already accepted the wedding invite and offered to celebrate the birthday another day, but the couple still didn't attend. Baby was invited, by the way, as they were very close family.

rookiemere · 30/09/2021 13:55

But the DSs birthday - his 9th should we forget- on that very day. MIL doesn't need to "do" anything other than let OP bring along a cake and guests sing Happy Birthday more than once. It doesn't need to be announced in advance, so the focus can remain on Uncle.

It just seems utterly bizarre to me to worry so much about upsetting an adult- not sure if it's MIL or Uncle - that a child doesn't get his 9th birthday acknowledged at all at a large family gathering.

Willyoujustbequiet · 30/09/2021 13:55

So mil gets to celebrate her sons birthday on his day.....an adult who can easily celebrate a different day

But you're not meant to celebrate your sons who is still a child?

Yeah no way in hell would I go. Your mil sounds like a cow.

PumpkinsNPoppycock · 30/09/2021 13:56

Surely mil just wants to celebrate her ds's birthday

Just like the op does

Poor mil getting a rough deal here. Give mil a break!

SuperstarDog · 30/09/2021 13:56

People I know recently declined a close family wedding invite as it fell on their pfb’s first birthday.

I may have done too. They may be close family, but no one is closer than your children.

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/09/2021 13:57

SuperstarDog

My in laws can be fucking awful, but they wouldn’t not make a fuss of their grandchildren on their birthdays. 🤯“

Why are some people assuming that IL’s don’t intend to make a fuss of their grandson as well, when he’s at the family party?

SuperstarDog · 30/09/2021 13:58

Why are some people assuming that IL’s don’t intend to make a fuss of their grandson as well, when he’s at the family party?

Cos OP said so.

Feedingthebirds1 · 30/09/2021 13:59

roundy birthdays are important.

Not to everyone, me included. And as the DS is the 30th birthday boy's nephew it doesn't say much for him if he's happy to have a day that's all about him and ignore that it's a 9yo's birthday too.

NativityDreaming · 30/09/2021 14:01

YANBU your MIL sounds like a shit grandmother. Does she really expect everyone to ignore the fact that it is also your sons birthday? Why should an adult’s birthday trump the child’s? It should be a lunch celebration for the both of them.

gumball37 · 30/09/2021 14:01

YABU. He's 9, not 3, he's capable of understanding why he's not getting presents but you uncle is.... Because it's your uncle's party. Sheesh.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 30/09/2021 14:01

@Feedingthebirds1

roundy birthdays are important.

Not to everyone, me included. And as the DS is the 30th birthday boy's nephew it doesn't say much for him if he's happy to have a day that's all about him and ignore that it's a 9yo's birthday too.

I think you might be embellishing a bit here. Has the OP said this?
SuperstarDog · 30/09/2021 14:02

And as the DS is the 30th birthday boy's nephew it doesn't say much for him if he's happy to have a day that's all about him and ignore that it's a 9yo's birthday too.

Yeah, it’s horrible. I don’t have any adult in my life that would be so selfish.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 30/09/2021 14:03

By the end of this thread it will be decided that the uncle is an evil arms dealer and the MIL is Imelda Marcos.