DH is sulking over sex

[erin48]

This is so embarrassing to post as I feel like I'm in the wrong here but I need some opinions.

DH loves blowjobs, I don't hate them, don't enjoy them but I will do it because he enjoys it.

The last few months have been difficult. I had an early miscarriage (DH was nothing but supportive during this time). Then he has been completely wiped out with covid for the past 2 weeks.

Due to being double vaccinated, I am still working, my boss and colleagues are aware he has it. He's been sleeping in the spare room and contact has been minimal.

Then, my uncle died unexpectedly Monday night, I received the sad news on Tuesday morning.

Today, on our temperature check upon entrance into the office mine was a little high and I'd woke up with a headache. My boss told me to keep an eye on my temperature and 2 hours later, it was flashing amber with a temperature of 38.7. My boss sent me home and asked for me to have a test done ASAP. I went straight to the local drive through test centre and I am waiting for results.

His first reaction to this was "you can't not work for 10 days, we can't lose the money". Then tonight he's got out of the shower and asked me for a blow job knowing that since about 5pm I've had a sore throat and feel shivery. I said no, now he's sulking and has ruined our evening catching up on a couple of tv shows we watch together.

I said to him "I feel rough" and he said "we don't have to have sex we can do other things you know" in a shitty tone.

My uncle has passed away unexpectedly, DH has had covid so I've been doing everything whilst he has been wiped out with it and now I suspect my test is going to come back positive, I feel fluey and do not want to have sex or give him a blow job! I'm not in the mood and I feel shite, mentally and physically.

He does this every now and then as I suspect he's not happy with the amount he gets.

How do I handle this? He always has a smart arse response ready for when I try and defend myself.

Right so because you are vaccinated it’s ok for you to go out and infect everyone.

Vaccine doesn’t make it impossible to catch or pass on the virus - yet the unvaccinated are the trouble makers…. Ffs.

None of that is relevant to your post but tell him to F off and masturbate

“I’m bored of this conversation”!! I’d have replied “I’m bored of sex with you/this marriage”.

You were young when you married him. Now you’ve grown up can you see what a self centred twat he is? You’re still young enough to find a decent man..

@Catnuzzle

Leave him. That's disgusting behaviour.

Exactly I'm very sorry to hear about your miscarriage I've been there myself and it's truly awful but do not have children with this vile creature

We've been together since we were very young, teenagers and now early 30s.

I'm sorry that you don't know there are decent men out there and that you've been with this tosser so long you think he is one.

Why are you putting up with this?

He sounds beyond unpleasant.

OP I can't find the words to express how awful this is. If you have been thinking you're somehow to blame, surely that crystallizes how this selfish, immature, insensitive, unkind, crass and frankly disgusting man has trained you to think. He sure as hell isn't going to turn anyone else on, when he treats you as nothing but an object. That's not what you do when you love someone, when you care. It's abundantly clear he doesn't love you and doesn't care about you, only about himself.

You've been in a relationship with him for a long time. He has been gaslighting you for a long time. You're young, you have your life ahead of you, and you deserve so much better than the prick you're settling for. Better alone than with the wrong person, believe me.

I would - could - never contemplate having sex with him again, oral or otherwise. Do you see how wrong this is, how wrong he is? He won't change, but you can change how you react to him. The only reasonable reaction now is to leave him, and don't be tempted back.

I never do anything sexually I dont want to do, ever. And my partner gets off on me getting off so that works quite well.

Its a much more vulnerable thing to be penetrated than to penetrate, its riskier, has much more potential to be uncomfortable or hurt. So your comfort and pleasure should be prioritised. You certainly should never feel bullied or harassed into any kind of sex.

I have been in a long relationship where obligation came into, and happily it didn't last. That kind of sex is just a shadow of what sex can be.

On another note, telling you that you cant be sick when you've been home with a fever because he needs the money isn't very loving either. It sounds like you are there to provide for him (sex, money) and that's your only value to him.

If these behaviours of his are a regular occurrence perhaps its time to reconsider if this is how you want to live your life.

But, he normally is loving, caring and supportive. I don't understand really. It's made me feel worse.

IS he though? Or are things usually pretty much the way he likes them?
It's not unusual for this kind of behaviour to only really come up once the rare "no" is uttered.

Oh goodness - there literally isn't a decent man anywhere in the world who would behave this way. Demanding sexual gratification completely out of the context of any kind of mutual enjoyment is bad enough - doing it when you're sick and grieving is awful - I mean it makes me sad that you've gotten to the point where you think any of this is okay. You say you've been with him for years and obviously over that time he's led you to believe this is normal behaviour - no decent man in his right mind would behave like this and no woman who hadn't been beaten down by it over years would accept it. Please don't have children with this man - it will only get worse and it will be so much harder to get away. Mind yourself - watch the shows you want, treat yourself any way you can and when you're feeling better at the very least , if you're not ready to leave yet, try and find a therapist who will help you see this for what it is - sexual coercion

We've been together since we were very young, teenagers and now early 30s.

I want you to think about this OP.
Something I posted earlier:

Enthusiastic consent is the only consent.

Now think over the years..
Ever had sex to keep him quiet? Stop him nagging? Because you know he'd sulk? Because you didn't want the moods? Because it's just easier to get it done and get to sleep?
Etc etc etc.

Anything less than Enthusiastic consent is not consent.

Let me guess, when you don’t want sex does he talk you into it by saying things like ‘but you don’t even have to do anything’ ? 🥺🤢

It’s sooo bad, I have to wonder if the request was ironic humour???

For God's sake stop sucking this neanderthals cock. He's utterly fucking vile and you know it.

@WormYourHonour

We've been together since we were very young, teenagers and now early 30s.

I want you to think about this OP.
Something I posted earlier:

Enthusiastic consent is the only consent.

Now think over the years..
Ever had sex to keep him quiet? Stop him nagging? Because you know he'd sulk? Because you didn't want the moods? Because it's just easier to get it done and get to sleep?
Etc etc etc.

Anything less than Enthusiastic consent is not consent.

This. Your dh is an utter wanker and is best left to get on with that on his own. Hope that you feel better soon, op.

Shocking! Get rid of the selfish pig!

Oh OP just what you don’t need. You have asked how to handle it. My v simple advice would be, like others, fuck right off. I won’t be giving you a blow job now or ever again as I’m fucking bored of it and I’m bored talking about it. Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow and sorry about your uncle OP x

But, he normally is loving, caring and supportive.

No he's not.

Why do women do this? I've just got off the phone with a brilliant, beautiful, successful woman whose twat of a husband is reducing her to tears and she's insisting he's absolutely fabulous even while she sobs. It's a strand of womanhood that has utterly escaped me. I can't relate at all. I do not understand it.

Yuck what a dick. How on earth could you be turned on by sulky man child dickhead. Not a catch at all. I feel for you.

Tell him to sod off and look after yourself and get better

I know it's not really the point but when did he last pleasure you (just you, not part of sex where he gets off too) and give you an orgasm?

He always has a smart arse response ready for when I try and defend myself.

You don't need to defend yourself. You just need to believe that your feelings are valid and worth respecting and hold the line on that.

"Can I have a blowjob?"
"No sorry, I don't feel well and I'm feeling sad about my uncle so I want to go to bed and rest."
"It's just a blow job, we don't have to have sex"
"No, sorry, I don't feel well and I'm feeling sad about my uncle so I want to go to bed and rest."
"Well what about me, what about what I want?"
"I'm sorry but as I've said, I feel sick and sad about my uncle so I want to go to bed and rest."
"Why is what you want more important than what I want."
"'It's not. It's just as important as what you want, the difference is that I'm not asking you to give me something."
"Well maybe I'll get a blowjob elsewhere."
"Do that if you want but understand that it will mean the end of my willingness to give you blowjobs in the future."
"Well I'm not getting any right now so I might as well."
"All right, good luck finding a woman who is happy to give blowjobs whenever you want, no matter how sick or sad she feels."

You really don't need to defend youself against this animal, he sounds such a charmer I can't believe he's the loving attentative partner you make out at other times.

Rather he has conditioned you into accepting shit. His self entitled attitude to BJ's shows his selfishness.

It would take years of de -conditioning you to realise how wrong this is.

He is base, crude, the very opposite of a gentleman and let me guess if you don't perform these rituals there's a spoken or un -spoken feeling he would find another orifice to get what he believes is his right.

He is repulsive and you are becoming aware of that.

That's disgusting behaviour. When I first met my DH I told him that I don't like giving or receiving oral and wouldn't be doing it. He has never requested it. He didn't request it to begin with, I just told him so he knew what to expect. It has never been mentioned again.

If he dared to demand it he'd be out the door so quickly he'd be spinning.

I also have Covid at the moment. DH has done nothing but make me feel loved and comfortable.

You deserve way more than what you're getting here. You say you've been together since you were very young - I remember the kind of behaviour from teenage boys. It would seem that he's never outgrown this behaviour because he hasn't had to. He's always had you as a partner, so he hasn't felt the need to change and learn that women don't take this kind of shit. Equally, you've not been exposed to men who don't behave like this.

I'd bin him. Not before letting him know exactly how much of a piece of selfish shit he is.

He isn’t kind and loving, he’s and arse!

When you told him that you may now have covid, his response wasn’t to offer sympathy etc. It was to moan, that it would effect money (even though he himself has been off for two weeks).

I bet if you looked more closely at your relationship, you would find other examples of his entitlement or gaslighting.

He demands a blowjob? Wtaf?

Don't do anything you don't want to do from now on. He needs to grow up.