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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH is sulking over sex

443 replies

erin48 · 29/09/2021 22:05

This is so embarrassing to post as I feel like I'm in the wrong here but I need some opinions.

DH loves blowjobs, I don't hate them, don't enjoy them but I will do it because he enjoys it.

The last few months have been difficult. I had an early miscarriage (DH was nothing but supportive during this time). Then he has been completely wiped out with covid for the past 2 weeks.

Due to being double vaccinated, I am still working, my boss and colleagues are aware he has it. He's been sleeping in the spare room and contact has been minimal.

Then, my uncle died unexpectedly Monday night, I received the sad news on Tuesday morning.

Today, on our temperature check upon entrance into the office mine was a little high and I'd woke up with a headache. My boss told me to keep an eye on my temperature and 2 hours later, it was flashing amber with a temperature of 38.7. My boss sent me home and asked for me to have a test done ASAP. I went straight to the local drive through test centre and I am waiting for results.

His first reaction to this was "you can't not work for 10 days, we can't lose the money". Then tonight he's got out of the shower and asked me for a blow job knowing that since about 5pm I've had a sore throat and feel shivery. I said no, now he's sulking and has ruined our evening catching up on a couple of tv shows we watch together.

I said to him "I feel rough" and he said "we don't have to have sex we can do other things you know" in a shitty tone.

My uncle has passed away unexpectedly, DH has had covid so I've been doing everything whilst he has been wiped out with it and now I suspect my test is going to come back positive, I feel fluey and do not want to have sex or give him a blow job! I'm not in the mood and I feel shite, mentally and physically.

He does this every now and then as I suspect he's not happy with the amount he gets.

How do I handle this? He always has a smart arse response ready for when I try and defend myself.

OP posts:
CyclingIsNotOuting · 29/09/2021 22:43

@RandomMess

I would tell him that you do not enjoy giving him blow jobs and you won't be giving them to him anymore.

I'd never want sex again with someone that sulked like that.

This 👆
onewayovertherainbow · 29/09/2021 22:44

You lost me at asking for a BJ when he got out of the shower. Illness aside who the fuck does he think he is?

userlotsanumbers · 29/09/2021 22:44

He wants to dip his bellend into a deadly virus infested orifice for fun? What else does he do for a hobby? Dynamite roulette? He's a weirdo. Think no more about it and take time to recover, sod that loser.

lilcolibri · 29/09/2021 22:44

Imagine having to defend yourself for not wanting sex to your partner.

That's depressingly sad.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 29/09/2021 22:44

He always has a smart arse response ready for when I try and defend myself.

You don't have to defend yourself against sex you don't want.

Can I also say, being asked for a blowjob out of the blue with no foreplay, no mutual pleasure, no build up as if it's a service you're providing isn't normal sexual behaviour. It's gross and creepy and intrusive. You really shouldn't be living like this, it's awful.

TheSmallAssassin · 29/09/2021 22:45

Why would you need to defend yourself? Why would he want a blowjob from someone (or any kind of sex with someone) who wasn't feeling enthusiastic about it? That's the behaviour that's wrong, not yours! You don't owe him a BJ.

Why isn't he looking after you if you're feeling ill?

careermindedwoman · 29/09/2021 22:46

Believe me, HE WILL NOT CHANGE. Tell him NO! And get yourself a better life. You deserve better than that, HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU. Respect yourself and stand up for yourself. Sending you lots of support x

Guineapigbridge · 29/09/2021 22:47

Tell him to have an angry wank.

erin48 · 29/09/2021 22:47

I made a mistake of going back downstairs to talk, he paused the TV. I said to him "I do it on my terms when I want to do it" because I do do this to him during sex, as mentioned in OP, I don't hate it but I don't enjoy it either but know he does so I do it. I could take it or leave it.

He said "what about what I want though?" then said "I'm bored of this conversation" and turned the tv back on.

I've come back to bed.

The thing is, this is the only thing that has even rung alarm bells, when he has sulked over lack of blowjobs for whatever reason it may be.

The selfish response to me being sent home from work already pissed me off today.

But, he normally is loving, caring and supportive. I don't understand really. It's made me feel worse.

OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 29/09/2021 22:48

Oh sweetheart the fact that you write about needing to "defend yourself" tells you everything you need to know about how your DH is treating you.

"bringing (uncles name) into it is a bit of a cheap shot"

No - refusing to commiserate with a grieving wife, taking her for granted, expecting to use her as a sex toy, telling her she can't take time off sick because he wants her to keep earning, & ignoring the fact that she's been run off her feet for a fortnight & is now unwell - THAT is a "cheap shot".

Is he really asking you to believe that it's wrong to be feeling sad about your uncle, & that his requirement for a BJ is more important than the death of your uncle?

He's an absolute turd of a man OP.
I am so sorry you are having to put up with his demands, petulance, & cruelty.

Has posting here helped?
What support do you need, to help you see the pattern of DH's behaviour more clearly?

onewayovertherainbow · 29/09/2021 22:48

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A LACK OF BLOWJOBS STOP INTERNALISING IS ENTITLED SHITE AS YOUR PROBLEM

StMarysKettle · 29/09/2021 22:48

Wow... "I'm bored of this conversation"... Honestly?

What a massive twat

Coffeeonmytoffee · 29/09/2021 22:49

He's a massive unsexy sulking twat.

Jenufer · 29/09/2021 22:49

Don't agree that you should leave him, OP, but I do agree that he's being a dick.

Timeisavirtue · 29/09/2021 22:51

Tell him he isn’t getting another one until he bucks his ideas up...

WormYourHonour · 29/09/2021 22:52

But, he normally is loving, caring and supportive. I don't understand really. It's made me feel worse.

It's possibly an out of line thing to say here.. but..
I'd argue that the "normally is loving, caring and supportive" is the act and the selfish, sulky and entitled arsehole is the reality.

RandomMess · 29/09/2021 22:52

You need to have the conversation of consent like you do with teens and also coercion.

Is he happy to give you an orgasm first and then get nothing in return when he's not in the mood for sex?

TheSmallAssassin · 29/09/2021 22:53

Honestly, I would be rethinking having children with this man, because once you do "what he wants" is going to have to go right out of the window. How is he going to cope with that?

Cherrysoup · 29/09/2021 22:53

Do you have kids? I’m appalled that he has even asked when you’re not well. Gobsmacking. Zero consideration for you and I bet you looked after him like a baby while he was sick. What an arsehole.

Icepinkeskimo · 29/09/2021 22:56

It's all about him.

But actually it's not.

You are you OP, you've had a shocking week, and your feeling really unwell. His reaction to you returning home and prattling on about money, is vile.

It quickly spiralled down from there.

I'm not going to say it I promise I'm not, I just wish that you have a good think about this situation tonight and and previous similar events.

ChargingBuck · 29/09/2021 22:57

newsflash for him, his sexual gratification is not an obligation that you have to ask permission to be excused from.

If you take one piece of advice from this thread OP - take this excellent comment from a PP upthread.

Has he lifted one finger to help you now you are feeling so unwell?
Or is that a one-way street as well - you ran around after him for 2 weeks while he was ill.
But all he seems to have done for you is scold you for grieving your uncle, inform you that you are not allowed to go off sick, & demand a blow job.

And now he is punishing you with the sulks.
You know this is emotional abuse, right?

Anyway, you have the lovely dog to snuggle with - sleep well & I hope your health is soon on the mend. When you feel stronger, have a good think about how one-sided this relationship is ... xx Flowers

grapewine · 29/09/2021 22:57

He said "what about what I want though?" then said "I'm bored of this conversation" and turned the tv back on.

What a massive manchild. Jesus.

Ireolu · 29/09/2021 22:59

Agree with 'fuck off'

Aquamarine1029 · 29/09/2021 22:59

But, he normally is loving, caring and supportive. I don't understand really. It's made me feel worse.

No he is not, you are deluding yourself. A loving, caring man would never treat you this way and pressure you to preform a sex act you're not wanting to do. You are in deep denial as to how massive of a pig your husband is. I would leave this man so fast his head would spin. You're ill and he wants you to give him a blow job, ffs. I despair if you don't appreciate how utterly sick that is.

Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 29/09/2021 22:59

I'd tell him I am disappointed in him. Instead of responding to his sick and grieving partner with any concern or care, he demanded you get on your knees and suck his dick! If I tried to give my husband a bj in your condition my husband would worry I had gone loopy from the fever.
You are not a sex doll, he is behaving in an unforgivable way!