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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH is sulking over sex

443 replies

erin48 · 29/09/2021 22:05

This is so embarrassing to post as I feel like I'm in the wrong here but I need some opinions.

DH loves blowjobs, I don't hate them, don't enjoy them but I will do it because he enjoys it.

The last few months have been difficult. I had an early miscarriage (DH was nothing but supportive during this time). Then he has been completely wiped out with covid for the past 2 weeks.

Due to being double vaccinated, I am still working, my boss and colleagues are aware he has it. He's been sleeping in the spare room and contact has been minimal.

Then, my uncle died unexpectedly Monday night, I received the sad news on Tuesday morning.

Today, on our temperature check upon entrance into the office mine was a little high and I'd woke up with a headache. My boss told me to keep an eye on my temperature and 2 hours later, it was flashing amber with a temperature of 38.7. My boss sent me home and asked for me to have a test done ASAP. I went straight to the local drive through test centre and I am waiting for results.

His first reaction to this was "you can't not work for 10 days, we can't lose the money". Then tonight he's got out of the shower and asked me for a blow job knowing that since about 5pm I've had a sore throat and feel shivery. I said no, now he's sulking and has ruined our evening catching up on a couple of tv shows we watch together.

I said to him "I feel rough" and he said "we don't have to have sex we can do other things you know" in a shitty tone.

My uncle has passed away unexpectedly, DH has had covid so I've been doing everything whilst he has been wiped out with it and now I suspect my test is going to come back positive, I feel fluey and do not want to have sex or give him a blow job! I'm not in the mood and I feel shite, mentally and physically.

He does this every now and then as I suspect he's not happy with the amount he gets.

How do I handle this? He always has a smart arse response ready for when I try and defend myself.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/10/2021 02:23

Really, MNHQ? You deleted my message for breaking talk guidelines? Which ones, exactly?

Camblewick · 03/10/2021 10:30

@ThumbWitchesAbroad I actually wondered which 'talk guidelines' you'd broken too as I responded directly to your post. There were no personal attacks etc. It seems that MNHQ are now just deleting messages that they either don't like or personally don't agree with, rather than those which actually break their own guidelines ...

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 03/10/2021 11:52

How are you doing OP? Did your PCR results come back? Hope you're feeling better and able to find some strength to deal with your 'D'H

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/10/2021 11:57

Thank you, @Camblewick! I appreciate the support. No idea what the reason is.

AntiHop · 03/10/2021 12:24

Thinking of you op. I'm really shocked about his behaviour. Wishing you the best with your next steps.

Derbee · 03/10/2021 12:58

MNHQ are now just deleting messages that they either don't like or personally don't agree with

This is absolutely true. It’s individual moderators and their personal opinions, there is NO consistency

billy1966 · 03/10/2021 13:07

@Derbee

MNHQ are now just deleting messages that they either don't like or personally don't agree with

This is absolutely true. It’s individual moderators and their personal opinions, there is NO consistency

I have noticed this too.

Very disappointing and off-putting.

slapmyarseandcallmemary · 03/10/2021 13:10

Hope you're ok OP.

Camblewick · 03/10/2021 19:00

This is absolutely true. It’s individual moderators and their personal opinions, there is NO consistency

It never used to be like this, someone used to be have to really have broken the actual guidelines before their comment was, quite rightly, deleted. Now, it very much seems that moderators' personal opinions are the new 'guidelines'. Not great.

DillonPanthersTexas · 03/10/2021 19:44

This is absolutely true. It’s individual moderators and their personal opinions, there is NO consistency

It's like the Guardian, wrong think gets you deleted.

Camblewick · 03/10/2021 21:22

Any thoughts on this @MNHQ?

Newmumatlast · 03/10/2021 22:02

@erin48

Just want to say thank you to everyone for helping me realise I'm not the problem here.

Unfortunately I'm still stuck in the house as still haven't got my PCR results back.

I've actually never felt so hurt by him, so many years of loving him for him to turn around and say no wonder men cheat and then to try and say he meant men in their 40s?! And he'll be gone by then anyway.

What a fool I've been.

I'm glad you've seen the light and arent making excuses for his behaviour. You are worth more and deserve more.
2Two · 04/10/2021 08:35

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

Really, MNHQ? You deleted my message for breaking talk guidelines? Which ones, exactly?
Click on "Report" on the deleted post and ask why it was deleted.
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/10/2021 10:25

Thanks @2Two - I'll give that a go.

REDHERO · 04/10/2021 11:13

@CaptSkippy

Don't blame yourself, OP. Men can be very loving and supportive till you no longer give them what they want. Then you learn it was all an act. Not your fault. I think your husband missed his calling. If he had become an actor I am sure he would have a Oscar by now.
The word you are missing is some, some men. Don't let hatred of men you encounter shadow all men. I have been very lucky as other women have too.
chaosmaker · 06/10/2021 17:01

@ThumbWitchesAbroad

Thanks *@2Two* - I'll give that a go.
Did you get a reply yet?

@erin48 Hope all is good with you and you are making plans to free yourself. As you said, you deserve better x

speakout · 06/10/2021 17:39

Men can be very loving and supportive till you no longer give them what they want.
CaptSkippy I am sorry this has been your experience.
This is not universal.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 07/10/2021 06:14

@chaosmaker - I did! Apparently using the O*D acronym is considered a personal attack --> deletion.

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