Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH is sulking over sex

443 replies

erin48 · 29/09/2021 22:05

This is so embarrassing to post as I feel like I'm in the wrong here but I need some opinions.

DH loves blowjobs, I don't hate them, don't enjoy them but I will do it because he enjoys it.

The last few months have been difficult. I had an early miscarriage (DH was nothing but supportive during this time). Then he has been completely wiped out with covid for the past 2 weeks.

Due to being double vaccinated, I am still working, my boss and colleagues are aware he has it. He's been sleeping in the spare room and contact has been minimal.

Then, my uncle died unexpectedly Monday night, I received the sad news on Tuesday morning.

Today, on our temperature check upon entrance into the office mine was a little high and I'd woke up with a headache. My boss told me to keep an eye on my temperature and 2 hours later, it was flashing amber with a temperature of 38.7. My boss sent me home and asked for me to have a test done ASAP. I went straight to the local drive through test centre and I am waiting for results.

His first reaction to this was "you can't not work for 10 days, we can't lose the money". Then tonight he's got out of the shower and asked me for a blow job knowing that since about 5pm I've had a sore throat and feel shivery. I said no, now he's sulking and has ruined our evening catching up on a couple of tv shows we watch together.

I said to him "I feel rough" and he said "we don't have to have sex we can do other things you know" in a shitty tone.

My uncle has passed away unexpectedly, DH has had covid so I've been doing everything whilst he has been wiped out with it and now I suspect my test is going to come back positive, I feel fluey and do not want to have sex or give him a blow job! I'm not in the mood and I feel shite, mentally and physically.

He does this every now and then as I suspect he's not happy with the amount he gets.

How do I handle this? He always has a smart arse response ready for when I try and defend myself.

OP posts:
erin48 · 29/09/2021 23:52

@Talktalkchat

Right so because you are vaccinated it’s ok for you to go out and infect everyone.

Vaccine doesn’t make it impossible to catch or pass on the virus - yet the unvaccinated are the trouble makers…. Ffs.

None of that is relevant to your post but tell him to F off and masturbate

Sorry? Obviously it does not make it okay to go out and spread it but I have had 3 tests at the drive through done (including today's) and the previous 2 have been negative, along with doing the home tests every morning before I leave for work (which have also all been negative).

The government says if you are fully vaccinated you are to continue as normal unless displaying symptoms, because of this, as I am double vaccinated I am expected to work and if I don't, I'm not paid.

OP posts:
erin48 · 29/09/2021 23:53

Thank you again everyone.

Will read through properly tomorrow x

OP posts:
2018SoFarSoGreat · 29/09/2021 23:53

OP I'm so sorry. First, sorry about the miscarriages - Flowers; second - sorry you feel crappy; third - sorry you don't see (can't yet see) what an utterly loathsome selfish pig this man is.

It is hard to read your words about him, in truth. Why does he get to do this? Why is that okay? What made you give up and give in to his demands (sulking, whatever) when you don't want to? That's the lowest of low treatment, and you surely deserve more.

Please think seriously about this, once you have the energy to do so. What else does he 'make' you do? What else? Not that this is not bad enough, but I would bet anything that there are other things he does that mean you have to give in, give up your wants and needs. I bet there are.

You poor woman.

Lifeisforalimitedperiodonly · 29/09/2021 23:54

I feel sorry for you OP, feeling like crap and grieving and having to put up with this selfish nonsense. What a pig he is. Maybe this is the one of the times you should give him this thread to read.
Hope you feel better soon. About everything.

firecracker69 · 29/09/2021 23:55

Who actually asks for a blow job? So randomly too. I thought it just happened naturally, in the throes of passion. Vile.

I think you need to focus your energy on contemplating on why you're choosing to be with a man who completely disregards your feelings, when you need him the most.

Snog · 29/09/2021 23:57

He has told you who he is
You should listen

He doesn't care about you
He is a sulking sex pest

You deserve a lot better than this OP.
Sorry for your loss Thanks

SoundBar · 30/09/2021 00:02

Please have a read of the Relationships board to find out what will happen if you don't come to your senses and dump him.

He is telling you loud and clear that he has no respect for you, you are not a human being to him. Not because of anything you've done, but because he doesn't see women as people.

You deserve better OP. None of what he's doing is normal

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 30/09/2021 00:04

Grim

Lalliella · 30/09/2021 00:05

What have I just read? Your husband is a selfish entitled abusive immature twat. How could you possibly think you’re in the wrong? I really would be considering whether I wanted to stay with him. He sounds very uncaring and lacking in respect for you.

Onthedunes · 30/09/2021 00:10

I hope you do re-read this thread op, as you can see it has triggered many women's anger.

We can see his past entitlement and the probability that his entitlement will grow as you grow older together.

This is a man that will not wait......

He has not waited till you are well, till you have grieved and till you were in the same place and space to want reciprocal loving sex.
His wants and needs are paramount, above all else and YOU.

The future... he will not wait whilst you are ill, going through menopause, going through family bereavements and traumas.
He is not supportive and definitely the type to let you down when you most need him.

I'm sorry.

Beseen22 · 30/09/2021 00:14

I cannot imagine my husband just stepping out the shower in the middle of the day and asking for a blow job. Like randomly with no previous foreplay. As if you would just get down on your knees in your dressing gown not turned on, feeling fluish and very recently bereaved and begin a sex act which he knows you don't enjoy. Finish him off then just stand up and get on with your day? This whole interaction is strange, these things normally happen on a much different context.

He sounds really unpleasant

PrincessNutella · 30/09/2021 00:26

I feel like throwing up in a garbage can reading what you wrote. This man thinks your head, the home of your soul, is just some wet hole for him to relieve himself into? He just wants to take it and use it like a fucking fleshlight, without love, without connection, but just with lordly entitlement? No wonder you are revolted at the idea.

PearLime · 30/09/2021 00:46

He is a cunt. That is all.

Maskless · 30/09/2021 00:49

We've met this type before.

He's convinced that you owe him BJs and that they are his right.

He reveals this by calling your reluctance "making excuses".

He's gaslighted, guilt-tripped and manipulated you into also believing he has the right to a BJ, so that you will do it even though you don't like it.

He does not care that you don't like it.

He does not care that you do it out of obligation, or for a quiet life.

NOW is the time to call a halt to this horrible manipulation.

Stop doing it. Ignore his whining and wingeing. Whine louder that you need to be waited on now - it's your turn.

He's an entitled sex pest. Selfish and abusive.

Gothichouse40 · 30/09/2021 00:50

Is this what you are going to put up with for the rest of your life? Leave him, he sounds like a sulky toddler, he needs to grow the hell up. If you are unwell, he should be caring for you.

Maskless · 30/09/2021 00:51

@Beseen22

I cannot imagine my husband just stepping out the shower in the middle of the day and asking for a blow job. Like randomly with no previous foreplay. As if you would just get down on your knees in your dressing gown not turned on, feeling fluish and very recently bereaved and begin a sex act which he knows you don't enjoy. Finish him off then just stand up and get on with your day? This whole interaction is strange, these things normally happen on a much different context.

He sounds really unpleasant

This scenario sounds just like a man using a woman as a toilet, except for semen instead of pee.

I now feel sick as well :-(

Immaculatemisconception · 30/09/2021 01:02

I was married to a sulky sex pest, who believed it was my duty to service his sexual needs, no matter what. Like you, I went along with, it feeling somehow obliged. What happens is that you fall out of love with them and slowly but surely you start to hate them.

You’re still young @erin48. Get out now before he damages you. If you stay, you risk being emotionally scarred for the rest of your life. You deserve so much better love. 💐

me4real · 30/09/2021 01:02

'DH is sulking over sex.' =Describe one of the ultimate dumping offences in just a few words.

I've just said to him "I feel rough, uncle (name) passed away and I don't want to" and he replied "bringing (uncles name) into it is a bit of a cheap shot" I just don't understand him.

This comment is easly understood if you realize that it's an attempt at manipulating you. Of course he is going to dismiss every perfectly valid reason (and you don't even need a reason) why you don't want to do sex acts when you're not in the mood.

I admire women who just tell men if they don't ever want to give BJs BTW. A lot of women don't actually like doing it, or don't get anything out of it but feel we should do it. We should stop that IMHO.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 30/09/2021 01:17

I never minded/quite enjoyed doing them. Until one idiot bitched because it was taking too long when I was tired.

Never gave one after that. Not ever.

Somebody being that unpleasant rather than ridiculously grateful should know that his last one was exactly that. The last one you ever did.

KloppsTeeth · 30/09/2021 01:37

Agree with everyone else. He is a sulky sex pest.

He wants to risk further infection by tickling your tonsils, which he knows are loaded with virus, with his bell end? Jog on, Johnny Bravo.

SneakyCucumberAction · 30/09/2021 01:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Immaculatemisconception · 30/09/2021 01:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn as it quotes a deleted post.

Lockeddownagain · 30/09/2021 01:56

Shine a light pal. Tell him what hes done exactly how your written it. Then tell him to fuck off

CheekyHobson · 30/09/2021 01:59

I've just said to him "I feel rough, uncle (name) passed away and I don't want to" and he replied "bringing (uncles name) into it is a bit of a cheap shot" I just don't understand him.

Here's what you don't understand: he doesn't care about your emotions and doesn't think he should have to.

The fact that you don't feel like having sex because you're physically unwell probably makes some sense to him. If he feels physically unwell, sex is less enjoyable for him, so to some degree, he gets that you don't want to.

However, emotions don't come into it for him. Whether he is happy, sad, angry, whatever, it doesn't affect his sex drive, so he resents the fact that it affects yours.

That's why mentioning your uncle seems like a "cheap shot" to him. It seems unfair to him that he should have to respect that your emotions make a difference to whether you want sex, when it wouldn't make a difference to him.

Of course, most adults are mature enough to grasp that different things matter to different people without getting resentful and punishing the other person by sulking, but it seems that your DH has not reached that level of maturity.

steff13 · 30/09/2021 02:02

@onewayovertherainbow

You lost me at asking for a BJ when he got out of the shower. Illness aside who the fuck does he think he is?
It's weird, right? I was married for 20 years, and I don't recall my husband ever asking me to perform oral sex on him in those circumstances. And he enjoyed them, too. Generally they were part of foreplay, or I would instigate the encounter.