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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH is sulking over sex

443 replies

erin48 · 29/09/2021 22:05

This is so embarrassing to post as I feel like I'm in the wrong here but I need some opinions.

DH loves blowjobs, I don't hate them, don't enjoy them but I will do it because he enjoys it.

The last few months have been difficult. I had an early miscarriage (DH was nothing but supportive during this time). Then he has been completely wiped out with covid for the past 2 weeks.

Due to being double vaccinated, I am still working, my boss and colleagues are aware he has it. He's been sleeping in the spare room and contact has been minimal.

Then, my uncle died unexpectedly Monday night, I received the sad news on Tuesday morning.

Today, on our temperature check upon entrance into the office mine was a little high and I'd woke up with a headache. My boss told me to keep an eye on my temperature and 2 hours later, it was flashing amber with a temperature of 38.7. My boss sent me home and asked for me to have a test done ASAP. I went straight to the local drive through test centre and I am waiting for results.

His first reaction to this was "you can't not work for 10 days, we can't lose the money". Then tonight he's got out of the shower and asked me for a blow job knowing that since about 5pm I've had a sore throat and feel shivery. I said no, now he's sulking and has ruined our evening catching up on a couple of tv shows we watch together.

I said to him "I feel rough" and he said "we don't have to have sex we can do other things you know" in a shitty tone.

My uncle has passed away unexpectedly, DH has had covid so I've been doing everything whilst he has been wiped out with it and now I suspect my test is going to come back positive, I feel fluey and do not want to have sex or give him a blow job! I'm not in the mood and I feel shite, mentally and physically.

He does this every now and then as I suspect he's not happy with the amount he gets.

How do I handle this? He always has a smart arse response ready for when I try and defend myself.

OP posts:
erin48 · 29/09/2021 22:59

Thanks everyone.

We've been together since we were very young, teenagers and now early 30s.

We don't have any children, I've had a few miscarriages.

Yes I have been looking after him since he's been ill, I live the house at 7 for work, checked on him every morning, bought him drinks, he hasn't wanted anything to eat. I get home at 7pm and spend 30 minutes cleaning up from the day (apparently when you have covid you cannot put your lunch stuff in the dishwasher or your laundry in the laundry basket).

I just needed a night cuddled up on the sofa tonight, I'm tired, feel rough, grieving and thought it would be nice to catch up on some of the stuff we watch together.

OP posts:
Brokeandtired3 · 29/09/2021 23:00

So let me get this straight....

Blow jobs over everything, even when it comes to grieving a deceased love one.

And your tolerating this behaviour ....why op Hmmm

Skysblue · 29/09/2021 23:00

I hope you feel better soon OP.

That is appalling behaviour from your DH. You’re ill and he’s demanding a blow job. There is no world in which that’s ok. He sounds like a spoilt toddler.

Stop giving him blow jobs, they seem to be turning him into a spilt brat. It seems that he feels entitled to them as a kind of service. Sex should be something you both want to do (when feeling well!!) not something he feels owed.

LittleGwyneth · 29/09/2021 23:00

He needs to shape up or ship out.

RogueV · 29/09/2021 23:00

Eugh. Horrible man

IrishMel · 29/09/2021 23:01

Your poor thing, you have had to deal with his sickness and the passing of your uncle, really sorry to hear that. You are working full time and most likely doing everything while he has been sick. Who has been comforting and supporting you through your grief and loss. He is very selfish and I would let him know that and tell him he really needs to sort himself out and how he treats you. Just sad and shocking. Men do get like this as they get older just gross. Please look after yourself and your health as that is more important than money and see if he steps up to look after you if you do have Covid, if not then tell him to just go. Hope you feel better soon and hugs.

arethereanyleftatall · 29/09/2021 23:01

Op, when you were looking after him when he was poorly, did it occur to you to ask him to go down on you?

Seeleyboo · 29/09/2021 23:02

He is an abusive sexual predatory cock. Sulking for no sex. Give me a blow job. Ffs. This isn't the 50s. Tell him to fuck off.

2Two · 29/09/2021 23:04

He said "what about what I want though?" then said "I'm bored of this conversation" and turned the tv back on.

I wonder whether he didn't want to continue the conversation because somewhere in the depths of his consciousness it dawned on him that the obvious response was "Are you seriously saying that if you want sex I must put your wishes first?" Because that is perilously close to saying you have no autonomy and rape is fine.

timeisnotaline · 29/09/2021 23:04

I’d tell him your new decision, after looking after him for two weeks, your uncle dying, now you’re not well, you have two things to tell him. 1. You’d like to remind him that the past two weeks have taught you that people with COVID can do no housework at all, and 2. You are so done with his sulking because you feeling sick means you don’t want to give him a blowjob and have realised you never ever feel like giving him one again, so you won’t.

ThePlumVan · 29/09/2021 23:06

Another Prince among men.

LTB

Foghead · 29/09/2021 23:06

Why are you defending yourself? Tell him he’s a boring disgusting creep and to enjoy his sulk. Then leave him to it.
Never get defensive. It’s not your fault and you don’t have to justify yourself to him.

NowEvenBetter · 29/09/2021 23:08

There’s no reason to tolerate this trash, you can divorce him and enjoy your life.

DumbestBlonde · 29/09/2021 23:08

This kind of behaviour is actually repulsive and an absolute turn-off.
Tell him to go and fuck a knot-hole in the floor.

I bet he is the type who shifts himself about and sort of pushes your head in a downwards direction..... Ugh. And ugh again.

Surely - but maybe I am old-fashioned and out-of-touch, but who just "asks for a BJ" - not having it happen as part of other bedroom activity? No matter the fact that he can hardly think you would be in the mood for anything at all - but even if you were, it would be nicer if it was not all Just.For.Him.
Ugh - I am still struggling to get my head around it.

I hope you ae OK, OP and please take the best care of yourself. No doubt there will no be much input from the selfish toad you are married to.

Embroidery · 29/09/2021 23:08

Fucking hell. Men are shits. Is there anything good about them?

WhisperGold · 29/09/2021 23:08

He gets worse every update.

Hodan85 · 29/09/2021 23:09

Man here - not constructive, but I couldn't believe what I was reading - completely out of order from him, he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Feel free to tell him exactly how you feel and that he's being very childish!

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 29/09/2021 23:09

Just watch what you want to watch on TV OP. You don't need his permission. Don't wait for his sulk to end, just do what will make you feel better. Making you wait to watch together is another way of controlling you. You are being punished because he thinks he has the power. Take the power back, he doesn't get to decide what you watch, when you're ill, how you grieve and when you have sex of any kind.

He sounds abusive. Nice people don't treat people like this, especially people that they are supposed to love.

HamCob · 29/09/2021 23:10

@lilcolibri

Imagine having to defend yourself for not wanting sex to your partner.

That's depressingly sad.

This! In a healthy relationship, 'no' would be a complete answer. I don't understand why you felt you had to justify yourself - you shouldn't have do do that.
PinkSyCo · 29/09/2021 23:11

Yuk your H ( no D, he doesn’t deserve it) is absolutely vile. I feel so sorry you can’t see what a horrible, heartless, selfish sex pest he is. Get him to fuck, you deserve better.

Lanareyrey · 29/09/2021 23:11

Know many women in relationships like this…personally wouldn’t put up with it.

Mumwithapub · 29/09/2021 23:13

So your grieving and sent home from work poorly, he really asked for sexual activity? Decent men don't even think about it in those circumstances they look after you. YANBU

BrightYellowDaffodil · 29/09/2021 23:15

Oh, my ex used to do this. If I was ill he’d make a point of things all being about him. “If you’re well enough to [insert minor thing like “watch TV” here] then you’re well enough to have sex”.

You will note the word “ex” and bloody good riddance because it was such coercive shit.

DrSbaitso · 29/09/2021 23:15

@erin48

He's not usually like this, it's only when it comes to blowjobs.

I've just said to him "I feel rough, uncle (name) passed away and I don't want to" and he replied "bringing (uncles name) into it is a bit of a cheap shot" I just don't understand him.

Thanks everyone, I've done my hot water bottle and headed to bed. I'll leave him to sulk it out and no, I won't get an apology. He never does when it comes to sulking because I don't want to do it.

This is what does it for me, by which of course I mean the complete opposite of does it for me.

"So unless I blow you, I'm disrespecting my uncle's memory? And I'M the one exploiting his death as a cheap shot? Have you any idea how offensive you're being, or how dangerous it would be for you to put your dick between my teeth after speaking to me this way?"

God, the number of men who don't realise that foreplay happens outside the bedroom. Who speak to you like dirt and then expect you to be totally up for it. What world do they live in? Why aren't women admitted?

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 29/09/2021 23:15

What about what he wants? When you are ill and grieving, he makes it about what he wants? So selfish. Especially so given how you looked after him when he wasnt well

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