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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH is sulking over sex

443 replies

erin48 · 29/09/2021 22:05

This is so embarrassing to post as I feel like I'm in the wrong here but I need some opinions.

DH loves blowjobs, I don't hate them, don't enjoy them but I will do it because he enjoys it.

The last few months have been difficult. I had an early miscarriage (DH was nothing but supportive during this time). Then he has been completely wiped out with covid for the past 2 weeks.

Due to being double vaccinated, I am still working, my boss and colleagues are aware he has it. He's been sleeping in the spare room and contact has been minimal.

Then, my uncle died unexpectedly Monday night, I received the sad news on Tuesday morning.

Today, on our temperature check upon entrance into the office mine was a little high and I'd woke up with a headache. My boss told me to keep an eye on my temperature and 2 hours later, it was flashing amber with a temperature of 38.7. My boss sent me home and asked for me to have a test done ASAP. I went straight to the local drive through test centre and I am waiting for results.

His first reaction to this was "you can't not work for 10 days, we can't lose the money". Then tonight he's got out of the shower and asked me for a blow job knowing that since about 5pm I've had a sore throat and feel shivery. I said no, now he's sulking and has ruined our evening catching up on a couple of tv shows we watch together.

I said to him "I feel rough" and he said "we don't have to have sex we can do other things you know" in a shitty tone.

My uncle has passed away unexpectedly, DH has had covid so I've been doing everything whilst he has been wiped out with it and now I suspect my test is going to come back positive, I feel fluey and do not want to have sex or give him a blow job! I'm not in the mood and I feel shite, mentally and physically.

He does this every now and then as I suspect he's not happy with the amount he gets.

How do I handle this? He always has a smart arse response ready for when I try and defend myself.

OP posts:
erin48 · 30/09/2021 22:30

I guess after 15 years together, he's shown his true colours. He's a very different person to the man I married at 21. He's not even a man anymore in my eyes, I've lost all the respect I had left for him.

OP posts:
Sweetpeasaremadeofcheese · 30/09/2021 22:37

I'm sorry OP. A prick like that doesn't deserve you, don't let him bring you down. He will come crawling when it comes crashing down and he's not getting pampered anymore. I just hope you stay strong and stay gone x

DrSbaitso · 30/09/2021 22:39

I've lost all the respect I had for him, and I thought he was a prize prick from your first post.

Don't you dare think that anything he's saying is worth shit. Don't you dare let his snivelling inadequacy make you feel worthless. You don't treat people like shit and then blame them for it.

Men like him are the reason women are happier single than being bullied and whinged into blow jobs while grieving and exhausted. He's shit in bed, isn't he?

If the world is so full of women desperate to suck off a twat like him, let him have his fucking fill of it. You don't have to live with being made to feel like this.

FOJN · 30/09/2021 22:40

I asked him "just for confirmation you're saying women like me are why men cheat?" He said "yes"

First rule of misogyny, women are responsible for what men do.
Second rule of misogyny, women saying no to men is a hate crime.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. He's not a good man if he's trying to manipulate you into sexual activity. He clearly prioritises sexual gratification provided by you over your feelings and needs. He's behaving as if your most important function is that of an orifice to stick his dick into. I hope you can see it for what it is and find a way to free yourself from such disgusting treatment.

Immaculatemisconception · 30/09/2021 22:42

So sorry @erin48 💐

WormYourHonour · 30/09/2021 22:46

@erin48

I guess after 15 years together, he's shown his true colours. He's a very different person to the man I married at 21. He's not even a man anymore in my eyes, I've lost all the respect I had left for him.
I don't know you, I don't know him, but I already know, that you are worth 200 of him.

Get your ducks in a row asap and leave this piece of shit.
Be alone, fond someone new, either way, you'll be far far FAR happier than carrying on with this jerk off for the next 5, 10, 15 years..

billy1966 · 30/09/2021 22:47

I am always very suspicious of women who suffer with anxiety and depression and just by coincidence have abusive, selfish pricks as husbands.

It often is NO coincidence AT ALL.

I think OP if you leave him, you will find within a short time your mental health will improve.

Please reach out for support and keep posting.

You sound like such a lovely woman.Flowers

Intransigentcat · 30/09/2021 22:50

Just echoing other posters OP. You deserve so much better than this. I hope you can find the strength to leave.

Merryoldgoat · 30/09/2021 22:51

I am always very suspicious of women who suffer with anxiety and depression and just by coincidence have abusive, selfish pricks as husbands.

100% this.

FortniteBoysMum · 30/09/2021 22:51

Tell him when he was ill you let him rest he can do the same for you. I would point out his right about not having to have sex...... then add you don't have to do anything if you don't want to and given how you feel you don't want to so end of discussion. Then walk into another room. Remind him you have a say in what you choose to do and that is NOT up for discussion.

proudwomansexmatters · 30/09/2021 22:53

@erin48 Im so sorry he is such a prick but I'm really glad that he has made you realise what a shit he is.

This is absolutely all his doing and please don't forget that. You deserve better and you will get better. Don't forget how he made you feel xx

Ledition · 30/09/2021 22:55

Jesus Christ what a pig...

HundredMilesAnHour · 30/09/2021 22:55

I'm a kind person, I am better than this.

Damn right you are OP. You deserve way better than this. Do not let this horrible, cruel, selfish man continue to destroy you. Every single person on this thread supports you - and you know how rare/special that is for MN. It's not you, it's him. He is a dreadful man and you're seeing the full ugly truth of him.

Stay strong. Kick him out or leave him. You can do much better. You deserve much better. He does not deserve you. He is not worthy of you.

Camblewick · 30/09/2021 23:00

This would put me off him in an instant. He's acting like a dick.

CandyLeBonBon · 30/09/2021 23:29

ThanksWineGinCake

Not sure if flowers, cake wine or gin would be best right now so have a virtual one of all of them! You do deserve better.

NormanStangerson · 30/09/2021 23:31

Let’s reverse this. You’ve had Covid and been off sick, moping around, doing absolutely nothing for two weeks and he has waited on you hand and foot, while working full time.

His aunt dies really suddenly and he’s sad. He’s still waiting on you hand and foot.
He then starts to become unwell, while you return to perfect health. He’s sent home from work with a high temperature, is feeling crappy, sad about his dead aunt and just needs to rest.

You demand he go down on you and then sulk when he says no. He takes himself off to bed with a hot water bottle. He then feels sad and comes to try to talk to you but you turn the tv up and tell him you’re bored. He goes back to bed, feeling unwell.

Would you behave that way to him? Naaaaaah. Bet you wouldn’t.

I hope this thread helps you to see what a dud he is.

2Two · 30/09/2021 23:32

Have you told him that demanding sex makes him really icky and sleazy, and that sulking is the ultimate turn-off - and that, guess what, the grass is not greener with other women, who will also be turned off by this sort of behaviour?

NormanStangerson · 30/09/2021 23:33

Oh I hadn’t refreshed the feed before I posted. I’ve had it opened for ages. Sorry OP. What a total cunt he is.

BathMatToe · 30/09/2021 23:33

No wonder you've got anxiety and depression. I reckon once you leave you'll see am improvement.
You're young, there'll be a better life away from the tedious demands of the prick you're currently saddled with.
Let him loose because no other woman of any calibre will accept this 1/10 loser.

You're unwell and he's whining about his dick.
You're running after him while he's ill and he's telling you... this is why men cheat?

He's trying to grind you down.
He's also become so used to having you cater to his every need emotionally, physically, sexually...he's unaware that he's got it so well made.
Let him go. Pack his shit.
Oh and wait for the insults... them the begging not long after when he realises he's not gonna find anyone to replace you.

You're going to be ok op

me4real · 30/09/2021 23:50

WTAF?!? How did you marry a man you were not sexually compatible with?!? Surely before the wedding he must have at some point said he liked blow jobs and you should have told him you didn't like blow jobs?!?

A lot of women don't particularly like giving blowjobs but feel they have to do it as part of sex. There are few women who feel able to say they don't like iit and won't ever do it. More should. But I suppose if a woman likes receiving oral (I don't personally) they might feel they have to return the compliment. I still don't think they should have to though, they can do other things both people enjoy.

But this isn't even the same as OP's situation of him demanding head.

Brokeandtired3 · 30/09/2021 23:53

OP I really hope you get yourself in line to leave him soon before you forget the true nature of who is and go back to believing he is a "caring good eye again." These type of men tend to have a way of pulling the wool over your eyes, next thing you know you will be pregnant and truly trapped and miserable.

I dont say that to scare you but that is the reality for alot of women on here. Get out now whilst you still can

Brokeandtired3 · 30/09/2021 23:53

*man not eye

Brokeandtired3 · 30/09/2021 23:54

No need to stick around and be gas lighted

blubberyboo · 01/10/2021 00:03

Op I’m so sorry

You are worth everything. It sounds as though he might have already started to check out of the relationship but was still getting some satisfaction from it so enough to stick around. He thinks he needs a bj to be happy. Now you’ve said no he is sulking.

None of this is your fault and you sound like you really do more for him than he does for you.
He can go look for a blowjob giver if he likes but trust me there a few women who would be happy with this one sided relationship.

He is pathetic and controlling. He thinks he can do better but you certainly can.

Vaccine001 · 01/10/2021 00:06

Wow. He has zero respect for you. I would feel he hated me. Ugh.

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