All he's doing is swearing at me calling me a prick when I try and talk about why he said that to me "no wonder men cheat" he said it's because he's unhappy, he can never talk to me about what's bothering him. He said he meant men in their 40s, I said what? He said I'd of had enough by then anyway. I asked him "just for confirmation you're saying women like me are why men cheat?" He said "yes" I burst into tears and walked away and he said "it's a combination of things not just the sex" I've just walked away and come to bed, I feel very worthless. I already have anxiety and depression but try and keep my head above water, hold down a full time job and try my hardest to be a good wife. I'm a kind person, I am better than this. Hopefully I manage to find some self worth and confidence that he's shattered and leave.
You do have the strength to leave, because you already have perfect clarity on the problem if you will just listen to your own words. I know that is hard to do because your husband has conditioned you to listen to him, not yourself, and this is at the heart of your issues.
You listen to him because has shattered your self-confidence, your trust in yourself. You doubt your own capacity to see clearly, which is why you feel worthless.
Now, read carefully, because he does it in a way that's very predictable because it's how all abusers operate. This is how he does it.
You say you think of yourself as a kind person, and I feel quite sure you are. Your kindness comes across clearly in your posts. When you have faith in your own good qualities, like kindness, this gives you self-confidence.
However your partner undermines that confidence by claiming you are the opposite of what you really are. He asks for something unreasonable (like a BJ when you are sick and grieving) and then acts as though you are unkind for declining to provide it. Because you ARE in fact a kind person, your natural inclination is to to doubt yourself, to think, "Oh no, he's very upset. Have I done something wrong? I don't think so, but he's so angry I must have done something, even if I can't work out what it is. He loves me, so he wouldn't tell me I'm awful if I wasn't. What could I have done?"
This is where the self-doubt sets in. You no longer feel completely confident you are a kind person. You feel unsure whether you are unkind without knowing it. You're not even quite sure why he's angry, though he clearly is. Your confidence in yourself declines. And because you no longer feel like you can trust your own judgement, you listen more to your partner, who speaks with complete certainty that he's right.
The irony is that actually, it's your partner who is unkind, and he is projecting his own unkindness onto you. It's a very clever trick.
In fact, he uses EXACTLY this technique in your comment above. You tried to talk to him about something that's bothering you and he refused to listen. Then, he immediately complains that he can't talk to you when something's bothering him! Amazing! Suddenly you are doing to him exactly what he's doing to you! You're the offender and he's the victim. This is known as DARVO - Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender.
The especially clever part is even if you then say, "Actually, you don't listen to ME', then he gets to say, 'Okay fine, we don't listen to each other, we need to work on that'. And because you're a good person, you will actually try to do that. You'll listen to him even more. But do you think he's really going to start listening to you? No, he's not.
Do you see how it works? It's no coincidence you have anxiety and depression. Having a partner who emotionally abuses you causes anxiety and depression. I one hundred percent guarantee that your anxiety and depression will decrease substantially when you kick this abusive arsehole out of your life.