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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you what made you stop being friends with someone?

162 replies

BobbiPinsOn · 29/09/2021 16:09

she had a hidden camera recording in a bedroom she offered me to sleep in at her house on a visit, I made comments about her on a phone call while in the bedroom. she wrote a WhatsApp status about it and I blocked her. That's how it ended for us

You?

OP posts:
DrSbaitso · 29/09/2021 16:14

Wow, that's not creepy at all. Still, doesn't sound like either of you much liked the other to begin with.

She sent me a deranged text message accusing me of all sorts of things I'd never done and calling me every name under the sun. I gathered that we weren't friends any longer and didn't reply. She sent me another deranged message demanding a response, which I didn't feel at all obliged to provide. After the third deranged message, she began pestering mutual friends to get involved. They asked me what was wrong, I said I had no idea, but I wasn't going to respond to deranged messages and I suggested they didn't either. I got another deranged message and blocked her.

The consensus is that she's deranged.

Ponoka7 · 29/09/2021 16:15

She bought a rabbit for her children, forgot that she had it starved to death. Another used to let her very big eleven year old son punch hell out of his seven year old sister. Other friendships have died out because of drug use.

DrManhattan · 29/09/2021 16:17

One sided, unreasonable behaviour, acting like a spoilt brat.

romdowa · 29/09/2021 16:18

She was so self centered that when I asked for space while heavily pregnant, she hounded both me and my dp until I had to block her. She kept insisting that I speak with her , even when I asked her to please stop. She still had to have the last word.

wink1970 · 29/09/2021 16:18

Staying over in my first ever house, something she knew I was proud to have managed to buy at such an early age - she took off her boots and flung them at a wall, denting it. I know that sounds trivial but I was heartbroken at the time.

DrManhattan · 29/09/2021 16:19

@Ponoka7
That rabbit story is awful. Poor bunny.
One ex friend had a habit of buying pets for her kids and then getting rid of them after a while (when they weren't cute) Can't imagine that's good for anyones mental health.

LawnFever · 29/09/2021 16:19

The one friend I chose to drop, every time we’d go out she was cheating on her husband with dodgy blokes, expecting me to carry on like that was all fine when I was also staying at their house and he was looking after their kids…

I was sick of her using me as an excuse to go out to meet these blokes, so I just stopped returning her messages.

CrumpleHornedSnowcack · 29/09/2021 16:20

she lied to me

RustyCat · 29/09/2021 16:21

This was back just after we left highschool, I had a friend who I was very close to for 10 odd years, she and a few other friends had planned to go abroad for a last blast before uni/college style thing.

My "friend" paid the deposit and ticket around about £150 (can't remember the exact price now) then the she wasn't able to go, so offered me her spot in exchange for me refunding her the price of her deposit and ticket, I thought yep that's cool I'd enjoy doing that, paid her the full amount she had paid and was all set up to go, got the time off work, all my holiday bits ready. Literally a week before we were due to go she changed her mind and decided she was going instead and was taking her place back as it was "mine in the first place so I'm entitled to be have it back" she then said she didn't have the money to fully pay me back as she had to pay to change the plane ticket to her name from mine and was only giving me £20 as that was more than fair apparently.

She didn't even have the balls to give me the money herself, she sent her mum with a cheque.

Needless to say I've not spoken to her since. If she had asked if I'd swap or explained she's short on money etc I'd have understood and happily offered her to pay what she could, but her telling me that's what she's giving me as that's what she deemed was more than fair, nah you can sod off.

BIoodyStupidJohnson · 29/09/2021 16:22

One longstanding friendship ended because she got religion in midlife. We tried to push on through it but the differences in values were becoming bigger and bigger, and she started feeling like she had the moral right to judge my life and my family based on her newly acquired moral authority so it just fizzled.

Another one I am allowing to drift because she's on about 'investing' in short-term/Airbnb lets in the city I'm currently struggling to buy a home in (mainly because of people buying flats to let out as Airbnbs). Again, not a knee-jerk thing but there's an increasing and increasingly obvious clash of values.

It's really sad when a good friendship ends, isn't it? Can feel worse than a romantic relationship ending sometimes.

LawnFever · 29/09/2021 16:25

Another ex friend had an alcohol problem, every time we went out ended up with her being so out of it she couldn’t stand up/shouting at people/throwing up/falling over/causing a scene it was completely unbearable.

She wouldn’t admit she had a problem, I couldn’t deal with it any more.

YouTubeAddict · 29/09/2021 16:26

I realised slowly that she only really liked me when I was the sad single friend with a pathetic story to tell. Eg crappy online dating, ex-husband cheating on me, that kind of thing. When I finally got with my fab DH 8 years ago who is kind and very much a ‘steady Eddy’ type, the drama dried up. She also couldn’t feel superior to me anymore I guess. She’s also with a guy who (by the looks of it) has no intentions of proposing even though I know for a fact it’s what she wants and they must have been together about 15 years now. The last straw was her calling me a scrounger for claiming JSA for 8 months (please bear in mind I’m nearly 40 and this is my only time on benefits) Plus also near in mind she’s claimed it too so no idea why it’s so bad that I had to claim but fine for her 🤷‍♀️

HitthefloorforTaintedLove · 29/09/2021 16:28

I didn't intend to stop being friends with some people but it turned out that when DH was diagnosed with cancer some friends who I'd thought were really solid were so crap that I couldn't really continue the friendships and they fizzled out. On the flip side, some more peripheral friends became much closer.

flirtygirl · 29/09/2021 16:28

Sleeping with married men...

Mirroring everything I do....

Being a massive shoplifter and liar....

Not being there for me at all and making excuses....

Sleeping around indiscriminately and liking the drama....

All different friendships that I let fizzle out to nothing.

MrsMoastyToasty · 29/09/2021 16:32

When I was only worth contacting When she was single. As soon as she got a boyfriend I didn't see her for dust. I managed to maintain my side of the friendship whether single, in a relationship or married until it dawned on me.

Moulesvinrouge1 · 29/09/2021 16:33

Lifelong friend since 2 years old thinks COVID is a scamdemic etc. Can’t really cope with their constant posting about it and only in contact on social media as live 400 miles away.

crj123 · 29/09/2021 16:35

She had a waster of a father and my dad was her substitute dad. When he got cancer she didn't so much as bother to send a card.
You can do what you like with me but if you mess with my family you're dead to me.

blubberyboo · 29/09/2021 16:35

A friend had deep depression in a relationship which she obviously needed to end and mental health issues totally wrapped up in herself so I used to go round pregnant to persuade her out of bed cos her mum was so worried. Supported her for months waddling around behind her to get her out and about. she never ever asked me how I was doing. She eventually found a new man and got all loved up and happy again.
Then I went thru a tough time looking after very sick in laws and she never checked in on me. I messaged her to say my mother in law had died. No reply. That was 11 years ago and haven’t heard tell of her since.

EmergencyHydrangea · 29/09/2021 16:35

Her husband was continually nasty to and about me and she wouldn't confront him about it

trappedsincesundaymorn · 29/09/2021 16:38

She shagged my (now ex)H.

dudsville · 29/09/2021 16:40

Ooh. Some of these are tough reads. Mine are much lighter. I ended with someone (extroverted) who'd begun ur friendship by really projecting so much on to me, never really seeing me for me, always wanted more from me than I wanted to give. I'd been actively winding that down, then early pandemic (which suited introverted me fine) she needed more of me than I could handle. It was too much and I just closed up. I feel awful about it and miss her but I know I can't be what she wants, or whatever she thought I was!

Early on in life I think i was attracted to toxic people. I was the grand age of 40 by the time I twigged and then walked away from two big friendships - still touch base with one of them every couple of years which is nice as her friendship did mean a lot to me.

The ending of any relationship can be tough, but it sounds like some of you have had some really near misses!

2020nymph · 29/09/2021 16:41

She asked me to train her in my field (which she had no experience in) so she could become a freelance consultant. I had an EBF newborn at the time and she kept pushing it when I said no. She has used a twisted version of this to divide our friendship group.

MaggieMagpie357 · 29/09/2021 16:41

She wanted to bail on a weekend away for my 40th birthday because she had a hair appointment booked.
It still makes me sad to think that she thought so little of me!

amillionrosepetals · 29/09/2021 16:50

@MrsMoastyToasty

When I was only worth contacting When she was single. As soon as she got a boyfriend I didn't see her for dust. I managed to maintain my side of the friendship whether single, in a relationship or married until it dawned on me.
Happened to me too. I was someone's 'flag of convenience' for years before I twigged. It was a shame because we were really good friends in between her boyfriends.
blissfulllife · 29/09/2021 16:50

I've supported my now ex friend through bad health, marriage problems and considered myself to be a good friend. But I saw a new side to her when it was me needing her to be there for me. My youngest became very mentally unwell and tried to take her life twice. I reached out to her for support and she ghosted me. Suddenly pops back into my life just as lockdown ended and she needed childcare off me! Some people are just me me me take take take