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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you what made you stop being friends with someone?

162 replies

BobbiPinsOn · 29/09/2021 16:09

she had a hidden camera recording in a bedroom she offered me to sleep in at her house on a visit, I made comments about her on a phone call while in the bedroom. she wrote a WhatsApp status about it and I blocked her. That's how it ended for us

You?

OP posts:
Talktalkchat · 29/09/2021 18:56

Probably various reasons but I was never told

Talktalkchat · 29/09/2021 18:56

…. It’s fine as I have no friends

muddyford · 29/09/2021 18:57

I still miss a former friend who ghosted me. I supported her (stayed for some weeks with me, found her somewhere to live) after her marriage broke down in traumatic circumstances, but she stopped answering texts and emails. A wise friend said I knew too much.

TaraR2020 · 29/09/2021 18:59

Some of these are shocking Shock

I don't think mine are too unusual:

One lied about me for months to mutual friends

One showed zero interest in me or my life, only ever talking about herself, friendship was v one sided so I just let it go (no animosity)

maddy68 · 29/09/2021 19:03

Voted for brexit when they knew my child wanted to move to a different country and told her she had to suck it up

cakewitch · 29/09/2021 19:07

One falsely insinuated a member of my family
had been abusing my son and in turn my son had groomed hers... very sinister and entirely caused by her horrifically traumatic upbringing.

Couldhavebeenme3 · 29/09/2021 19:07

I've had 2 biggies -

  1. I went through an incredibly abusive separation and divorce, followed by leaving with just the kids and what I could fit in the car, no money, no job, nowhere to live. Her dh had to work away occasionally for his job, she full-on raged about how she felt abandoned (in her beautiful 4 bed mortgage-free house) and like a single parent Angry
  2. spent 11 years supporting a friend through a series of horrors; driving hundreds of miles at the drop of a hat, helping with practical and emotional stuff, loads of stuff for her SEND dd. Contact dropped off for a couple of months and she sent me a wall of text accusing me of ghosting her and worse. My dp had been having cancer treatment, I sent a one-line response telling her why I'd been so distracted. She replied 'ah'. Last I ever heard of her. Unbelievable.
Pixxie7 · 29/09/2021 19:07

A friend of mine was seriously ill and out of a group of friends I was the only one who had both her young children to stay for about a month. When she recovered I bought my daughter a new leotard not knowing that her daughter wanted it as well. As a result she stopped talking to me, that was it.

Justcashnosweets · 29/09/2021 19:10

Told my then boyfriend that I was cheating on him ( I wasn't). When i phoned her to ask why, she slammed the phone down on me, and phoned the police to report me for trying to kick her door down ( I was nowhere near her house).
Another one was obsessed with being attractive to every single man she met, it became extremely tiresome.
Another friend was just crazy and a master manipulator and would gaslight us if we tried to pull her up for her weird behaviours.

wineandcheeseplease · 29/09/2021 19:18

Used me as a taxi, always spoke about herself and never asked how I was, didn't care about my kid once I had one even though I looked after hers tonnes.

Sootybear · 29/09/2021 19:19

I'm still superficial friends in a way but someone who I thought I was really close to, kind of dropped me for someone I introduced them to and a big friendship group that I was only on the periphery. She never once stuck up for me, I was going through a really bad time, major operation, DD in hospital for an eating disorder, partners DF died and recently moved house. It was so awful and she has never acknowledged any of it. I've removed myself from the group and see her now and again but it'll never be the same. I was crying everyday, ended up on antidepressants, and it affected my life so badly. I know she's good friends with people I've known for over 20 years and never hear anything from. I've only moved three miles away but it's obviously the other side of the world. I think that me and my partner were just not that cool enough or something, not so middle class, literally have no idea. But my life is nicer without them all.

Chicchicchicchiclana · 29/09/2021 19:20

Her daughter was a cunt to my daughter.

dementedma · 29/09/2021 19:21

He took me for granted

StargazerAli · 29/09/2021 19:22

At my age (56) some friendships have naturally ran their course as we've changed. I've let go of controlling friends and those that take and don't give back but it took years to let go of some that I knew weren't as healthy as they should be. I wish I'd been wiser with some at a younger age but I'm happy that I'm no longer the push over I was.

hookiewookie29 · 29/09/2021 19:31

We lost several friends when my husband, who used to work in construction ,became too ill to do cheap jobs for them. One had been his best friend for over 45 years. If hubby died tomorrow, I wouldn't tell them.

Shannith · 29/09/2021 19:34

@DrSbaitso

Wow, that's not creepy at all. Still, doesn't sound like either of you much liked the other to begin with.

She sent me a deranged text message accusing me of all sorts of things I'd never done and calling me every name under the sun. I gathered that we weren't friends any longer and didn't reply. She sent me another deranged message demanding a response, which I didn't feel at all obliged to provide. After the third deranged message, she began pestering mutual friends to get involved. They asked me what was wrong, I said I had no idea, but I wasn't going to respond to deranged messages and I suggested they didn't either. I got another deranged message and blocked her.

The consensus is that she's deranged.

GrinGrin
purdypuma · 29/09/2021 19:35

Had a very good friend I met through work. Lovely person sober but had a drinking problem & was a nightmare when drunk to the point that she was banned from work nights out.

She used to get drunk, become verbally abusive to whoever was in the vicinity & used to contact partners/ex partners of her friends stirring up trouble. She contacted my ex to let him know that I'd taken a pregnancy test after we had split up. She did this knowing I had valid reasons for not letting him know.

After a couple of years the drama when she was drunk grew thin & myself & another mutual friend made a conscious decision to withdraw from her. I still have her on FB & wish her happy birthday but that's it. We live in the same village so I've seen her a few times to say hello to, but I'm wary any kind of conversation with her of any length.

It's a shame really as she's lovely when sober but the drink has destroyed many of her friendships over the years.

Kljnmw3459 · 29/09/2021 19:36

Mocking my face. It was one of those friendships that was growing nicely but then she made some comments about my looks when we were out with other friends. They were so unnecessary and rather hurtful. Even the other people at the table looked shocked and upset. I brushed it off but decided she wasn't someone I want around me anymore. I don't think she was trying to be mean but it just showed another side of her that I didn't want to have to deal with.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 29/09/2021 19:37

@MobyDicksTinyCanoe omg I don't blame you. That's awful!

Smashingspinster · 29/09/2021 19:44

My friend was really ill, supported her through this and put up with her snappy behaviour as I figured she was not feeling well. The final straw came when I realized she used every contact to ridicule me, compare me unfavourably with others and messed about when trying to make plans, putting me off til the last minute and smirking at me when I was frustrated. It was sad but it felt like getting out of an abusive relationship when we stopped being friends.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 29/09/2021 19:44

Am on the cusp of ditching a friend - her crime is that she is so in my face...texts me constantly always wanting to know what l am doing and recently is becoming a bit single white female on me. I know she is desperately lonely but l find her suffocating and realised the other day l never look forward to seeing her as she is so draining. Can't mention in passing if l am doing anything because she will then up and it is just too much

justmaybenot · 29/09/2021 19:49

I stopped being friends with someone due to them being overwhelmingly self-absorbed and insecure. She did a tiny thing for me at an extremely stressful time in my life and kept going on and on about it. I'd done big favours for her as well. I just didn't have the capacity to manage and continually respond to her feelings about what a great friend she was.

Also, was out one night with an old friend who was having a very tough time (multiple MCs). They were getting upset and the self-absorbed one walked by - I just waved, said hi from a distance, and went back to my conversation with upset friend. Self-absorbed then told mutual friends I'd blanked her, been appallingly behaved, upset her so much and got them to rally against me.Again, I didn't have the capacity for addressing it and let the friendship go. Now friends still with the mutual friends who are finding her way too much hard work. It's a shame, she's a nice enough person but every encounter is very very demanding and needs a post-mortem and I've too many other, more urgent demands on my time.

nailvarnishhubby · 29/09/2021 19:51

Because while I was getting dressed- literally getting my dress on (in the hotel) on my wedding day she sent her teenage daughter (bridesmaid) in to harass me for cab fare so that she could get to the wedding on time.

Then at the end of the wedding she pinched my arm while I was dancing because she needed to get back (to my house where she had insisted she needed to stay even though my in-laws would be there) she then refused to sit in the back (she has bad car sickness) and wouldn't explain why she was demanding my mother in law sit in the back. Then she got pissed off and left my house in the middle of the night! I wasn't there anyway but my in laws were super confused.

Anyway the next day I messaged her and asked for my money back. She sent it immediately- so she had it anyway just hadn't wanted to spend the money- was a bit rude didn't say anything nice like oh you looked nice or good wedding.

I then decided nah fuck this. Loads of other issues - known each other since 16 and she had turned into a head case. I blocked her everywhere and haven't spoken to her since. It's been 3 years. I still miss her but I'll never be friends with her again, especially now I have a child. Too much erratic behaviour!!!

Pl242 · 29/09/2021 19:52

Nothing as dramatic as some stories on here, but two significant and long-standing friendships ended.

One was a pathological liar. For the most part harmless, just bs she'd make up about herself, but just became so weary. We were kids when we became friends and I just grew out of it all.

The other was more complex. Loads of issues and I certainly contributed to the downfall of our friendship too. But ultimately she showed herself of being unable to be loyal to me as a friend and was flakey as hell. Always onto the next new best friend. I wasn’t the first or last person she epically fell out with.

Both a shame as when we were close we had great times. Any anger I’ve had about both of them has subsided and I’d say an awkward hi if we were in mutual friends’ company etc. But both had run their course and I have no desire to be close to either of them again.

Kittii · 29/09/2021 19:52

The day I was diagnosed with cancer she told me to find other friends to support me because she was busy...