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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask you what made you stop being friends with someone?

162 replies

BobbiPinsOn · 29/09/2021 16:09

she had a hidden camera recording in a bedroom she offered me to sleep in at her house on a visit, I made comments about her on a phone call while in the bedroom. she wrote a WhatsApp status about it and I blocked her. That's how it ended for us

You?

OP posts:
YourFinestPantaloons · 29/09/2021 16:51

Kept trying to recruit me to their MLM scheme

PaperhouseLegs · 29/09/2021 17:01

It dawned on me after many years of friendship that she was actually a bit of a bitch! She could be mean and spiteful and would never be happy for me. The last straw was a short holiday we took and she was an absolute arsehole to me the whole time, showing off to others and basically being a bully. We came back and I never saw her again. We didn't have an argument, I just ghosted her basically. She asked me to go out afterwards but I never responded and she got the message. She actually sent me a message a few years back apologising so that's something. That ship has sailed and I left her on read but at least I had validation my feelings were correct.

Dacquoise · 29/09/2021 17:07

When I told her I had got engaged and intended to get married abroad, she quickly got engaged herself and booked her wedding at the same place a couple of weeks before me.

wigglerose · 29/09/2021 17:11
  1. Grief tourist. She was tangentially connected to two high profile murders. She went on and on about how hard it was for her. That just massively gives me the ick and all my respect for her died.
  1. Thought it was funny as a post doctoral academic to get undergrads blind drunk.
  1. We weren't on the same wavelength at all. She kept trying to give me "helpful" advice that was on the civil side of neggy and was massively projecting her view of the world.
QueenofLouisiana · 29/09/2021 17:12

Texted to tell me that DS was bullying her DS, that he was stealing and threatening violence against him. Suggested that he needed significant help and maybe family support to help us manage his behaviour.

Turned out get DS was lying to get revenge for a one-off event (not suggesting it should have happened, but DS faced consequences for that and he was 11). School provided much evidence that it wasn’t true and accepted that actually my DS was the victim of ongoing harassment. Her son faced significant consequences and behaviour support.

She never got in touch to apologise or admit it wasn’t true.

ProfessionalWeirdo · 29/09/2021 17:12

It happened the other way round for me. I had a very good friend whom I'd known since we were at school. She subsequently moved to another part of the country but we still kept in touch - then suddenly, about 20 years ago, she just vanished. She moved house and left no forwarding address, and stopped answering emails. To this day I still wonder why, and I'd love to know what happened to her.

Superfoodie123 · 29/09/2021 17:17

Completely self obsessed, I suspect deep insecurity. The ratio of conversation would be 85% her voice. Would tell me hours of details about men who wanted to sleep with her, at times when i really needed a friend and this stuff was pointless. Came to visit when I had a newborn and PND and barely spoke about me or the baby, all about her. So completely selfish and it got frustrating I always wanted to be away from her. She was an emotional drain.

Whoopsies · 29/09/2021 17:19

After years of a very one sided friendship we drifted apart all little in 2019 when I had my second DC (because I couldn't be at her beck and call to do things for her!) I kept in touch, texting every few days to see how things were. She's made some terrible life choices lately and some things I just couldn't support her on. After we last spoke I thought I would leave it up to her to be the first one to get in touch for once. I haven't heard from her in 3 months!

duckiemonster · 29/09/2021 17:22

Heroin addiction
Brexit voting
Not attending my wedding because she wanted to go to a family party instead and only letting me know the night before

Not all the same person!!

Nayday · 29/09/2021 17:25

My child went through a depressive breakdown. It was horrendous, truly horrific.

I'm in a group of friends and they were aware of what was happening. "Friend" giving her opinion at social events (that we weren't at due to providing 24/7 care to my non-functioning child) that it was our fault/we were to blame. It came back to me as these things tend to. And It was extremely hurtful.

Its awkward because of the group thing, but our "friendship' is done. She might not actually even notice as I don't intend to be passive aggressive and we weren't thankfully that close to each other, more as a group - but I'll know and that's what matters. I've mentally consigned her to someone I will be spending minimal time as possible with. She clearly has so little regard for me as to so publicly voice her opinion - but I won't be matching her at that level. Grey rock all the way.

Child was later diagnosed with autism.

jiskoot · 29/09/2021 17:29

I had a school friend who I'd known since I was 11, friends throughout her going away to Uni and getting married and having her first child. Realised that it was me making all the effort, every time, so just stopped to see what would happen. Never heard from her again, for 15+ years as a result. Just nothing. Weirdly enough we reconnected when I got married a couple of years ago at 40 and we're still in touch now. Am wondering if she even realises what happened back then...probably not!

Brollywasntneededafterall · 29/09/2021 17:32

Spent every meet up talking about her ex who was in jail. And always in front of our dc... Her dc had no chance of moving forward..
Another friend saw me term time only. Never ever during school holidays.. Penny dropped she didn't think much of my dc...
Sad

bringincrazyback · 29/09/2021 17:34

I'd been caring for my elderly ill father and to some extent my mother too, day in day out for more than 18 months. Two of my 'friends' never bothered getting in touch to ask how things were in between our meetups, and then when I apparently committed the grievous sin of venting a little about my situation I was snapped and sworn at (on what was supposed to be a meet-up for my actual birthday), told 'they weren't really the right people for me to be speaking to about this' (we'd been reasonably close friends up until I dared to have needs of my own) and promptly ghosted.

Nine months later, after I had been caring for him and my mother for two and a half years, my father died. When I told these two people about it, one of them commiserated but in a very stiff and not particularly friendly way, while the other scolded me for not telling her sooner 'so she could have been there for me', then went back to ghosting.

In a subsequent conversation one of them told me that the reason she'd ghosted was that I didn't seem interested enough in her or what was going on in my life during the time when my father was seriously (and eventually terminally) ill.

bringincrazyback · 29/09/2021 17:35

*or what was going on in her life, the final sentence should read.

LukeEvansWife · 29/09/2021 17:36

Usually when they get pregnant- it's easier that way as I'm not great at feigning interest

alwayswrighty · 29/09/2021 17:37

Childhood friendship ended when I found out she had told her Mum I had accused her Dad of molesting me. Was categorically untrue and nearly 40 years later I cannot abide that woman.

Adult one was when I realised that she was only friends with me when my life was shitter than hers and it wasn't to support it was to gloat.

alwayswrighty · 29/09/2021 17:38

Usually when they get pregnant- it's easier that way as I'm not great at feigning interest 🤣 oh god I'm terrible at feigning interest in children. Thankfully most of my friends kids are grown up.

dudsville · 29/09/2021 17:39

Reading these reminds me of a dear friend who ended with me. She was right to do so. I'd moved to her area, not by choice, and slated it constantly. I couldn't seem to get a grip. She dropped me and was right to do so. I wish I could apologise but i don't have her details and don't do social media.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 29/09/2021 17:40

She shared a meme on facing poking fun at a child who had died in an traumatic way a few weeks earlier..... She was a really good friend and id supported her through a lot. (( she also has a terminally ill child)) but I was disgusted. I blocked her on everything and haven't spoke a word to her since.

lottieleo · 29/09/2021 17:41

Cheated and Financially abused her husband and couldn't understand why I wasn't slagging him off
I even attempted to try n stay neutral to save the 20plus year friendship but then she turned on me. So I cut contact.

Tulipomania · 29/09/2021 17:41

She was an alcoholic and it got tedious when she got drunk every single time we met up.

Denyingbleedingobvious · 29/09/2021 17:42

@BobbiPinsOn WOW! What a messed up thing to do.

I ghosted a long term friend when I realised she would take every opportunity to make a disparaging remark about my opinions / lifestyle / parenting whatever. But only if there were no witnesses. Still sad about it as we had lots in common.

One day I just had enough and cut contact. We have mutual friends so it’s awkward at times but at least I don’t have to feel miserable after every phonecall and I have lots of other friends.

Life is too short to deal with people like all of these losers!

cookiemonster5 · 29/09/2021 17:47

One became a bit psycho. Any man I was talking to or I told her I liked she went after and offered herself on a plate. I confided a lot in her including abuse from my ex husband. She stole his number from me and started texting him then fed him information and sent him photos of my kids and gave him my address.

Another slept with my bf. He admitted it and fought for me. She denied it and threatened to tell the girlfriends/wives of any man I knew or lived relatively close to me that I was sleeping with their partners if I didn't believe her over him. Why would a man say he had cheated when he hadn't? Why would he jump through any and every hoop i said if it wasn't true?

She now works at the same hospital as my mum does and is trying to worm her way back in after nearly a decade. Saying how good it would be to catch up with me. Covering for her when she was having her second abortion in 9 months wasn't great either. She told one man it was his when in actual fact it was a different mans baby. I just couldn't stand my any longer and have my reputation tarnished because of her because where I live you are who you hang out with and we were in different places and wanted different things in life.

piglet81 · 29/09/2021 17:50

She texted her husband to say what a crap evening she’d had with me…but accidentally sent it to me.

AlyssasBackRolls · 29/09/2021 17:54

Bought pedigree pets and they mysteriously disappeared within a year only to be replaced by another.

Another was very clean living and hadn't even used paracetamol for decades. I couldn't relate to that - I also thought her husband was a bit odd as he seemed to invite himself round to every meet up.