Will this come across as rude.

[Waste32]

My best friend since school has 4dc her oldest 3 are the same school years as my 3dc and her 4th is under one. We meet up a couple of times a week mainly at my house because my dc have their own rooms so more space for the kids to play and because she became a single parent after splitting from the eldest 3 children’s dad 5 years ago and has struggled on benefits so it helps her out if I feed them once or twice a week. Her dc have terrible diets they literally eat about 3 or 4 items all fine I feed them what they eat. Would I be be rude or unreasonable to say I am no longer going to give her dc the salad/veg/fruit etc with their meals because of the waste? She insists I give her dc the healthy stuff which will end up in the bin after they have played with it and mushed it about. Yesterday was the final straw for me, she chopped up a large 800g punnet of strawberries and shared out a 400g punnet of blueberries between her 4 which all ended up in the bin so I want to say no more. I had to take a phone call so was distracted, my dc didn’t get a look in on the berries she gave them an apple as her dc don’t like apples. Today I have been to Tesco to replace the wasted fruit for my kids lunches for the rest of the week. How can I word this politely? I don’t want to cause upset or a falling out and I’m more than happy to keep feeding them but only the things they will actually eat.

Just be clear on what's planned for the meals/snacks planned.

I don't understand she wants you to give them "healthy stuff" but they don't eat it and she goes and helps herself 😲 personally I'd tell her I bought some grapes or whatever for the children offer them that and nothing else.

I just wouldn't have the fruit or vegetables in the house the day they visit. Apples, Bananas, pears yes but definately not berries. I would just give them what you know they will eat and say nothing.

And definitely give them what they will eat be honest and say well friend they like itso it's better than wasting food.

Just don’t offer them out or have them in when they visit.

If she questions it just be breezy “oh, they’re getting expensive so I’m no longer buying fruit that nobody eats”.

YANBU - I think you need to be more pro-active - you're paying for and feeding these kids in your house - you decide what they can have. Just say whats for dinner next time and that you're not wasting food that they don't eat, so no point giving them veg/fruit. Don't make it emotional / judgemental. If you're friend says something like she wants to get them to eat healthy food etc I think that's something she needs to be sorting out in her own house in her budget - you seem incredibly generous. As a child if I hadn't eaten something in someone else's house I think my mother would have died with shame and never let me out again

Yes if I don’t offer it to her dc she helps herself, which I wouldn’t mind if they ate it but they don’t. I do only cook what they will eat which is cheese pizza, waffles, nuggets or plain pasta, obviously my dc don’t want to eat this twice a week nor do I so I cook something else for us.

Well she is a cheeky sod and I wouldn't have her in the house how rude !

You need to reset your self sorry this is on you you have allowed it to get to this point she is taking advantage yes but what are you going to do to stop it?

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say what a lovely friend and person you are, just make sure people don't take advantage of your nature.

Definitely not rude. Strawberries and blueberries are expensive. That's a lot of cash being thrown in the bin. Would you take a tenner out of your purse and throw it in the bin. No you wouldn't and that's what's basically happening here. Add up the amount in cash thrown out each month and maybe that will be the impetus to saying no more to this.

Out of interest does she know how much berries cost this time of year? If she doesn’t normally buy them herself she might not realise she’s wasted £6-7 in a single day.

I would just be honest and tell her that you can’t afford to waste food like that & that the berries are meant to last a whole week. If she’s a genuine friend she will understand.

I don't think it is rude to say you want to reduce food waste and to do this you are starting new rules for your children and they need to join in too.

Fruit, goes in serving bowls with a serving spoon, you can take 3/4 bits at a time and don't take more until you have eaten what you have taken. If you are not sure if you like something you take one bit to try it before taking more.

If they start eating the fruit then you can relax the rules, if they don't the rules stay and they are encouraged not to take things they don't like and food waste is explained to them.

I mean you could get some sandwich bags and say oh they haven't finished their strawberries they can take them home make a little doggy bag.

@Mrsjayy you are right I should of said something years ago about the waste, I didn’t want to cause upset or for her to feel judged. There is no medical reason why they are so restricted with their diet, it’s more they were never offered it as their father is a waste of space who works away and would leave their mum was £25-30 a week to feed them all.

very cheeky of her to just help herself to whatever food she wants in your house. The berries would really annoy me, she definitely should have asked before she used the whole lot of them

You are doing a lovely thing for them but no more mum helping herself. Does she get any other support? You can't magically make her children's diets better.

"CF friend, yesterday you came over and your kids wasted an entire punnet of strawberries and another punnet of blueberries that all ended up in the bin as your children didn't eat them. This cost me £X, plus the £X I had to pay to replace the items as they were for my DCs lunches. This is not the first time that large quantities of food have been wasted and whilst I do not begrudge feeding the DC when you visit I cannot afford to have so much food wasted on a regular basis."

Why are you bothered about seeming rude? Your friend waited until you were otherwise occupied, then helped herself to about £8 worth of berries, which she shared out between her own children and didn't give any to yours! You should be angry.

Just tell her that in future, she tries the kids with a small amount of things to see if they like them, not serve them the whole lot, and you won't be serving them veg/salad because they won't eat it. It's not for her to "insist" that you do. She's a piss-taker, quite frankly, wanting to encourage healthy eating in her children but on YOUR wallet.

OMG she is massively rude and taking the piss. Deffo start the below if you don’t want to address it directly.

Do you get anything back from her, from this she sounds like a CF who is using you.

Fruit, goes in serving bowls with a serving spoon, you can take 3/4 bits at a time and don't take more until you have eaten what you have taken. If you are not sure if you like something you take one bit to try it before taking more

Could you say that you're cutting down on waste, and serving fruit/veg in a large bowl. Each child can help themselves, but they have to eat what they take.

ould I be be rude or unreasonable to say I am no longer going to give her dc the salad/veg/fruit etc with their meals because of the waste?

You would be more reasonable to tell her to feed her own kids.

We have been friends for over 30 years, I enjoy her company and our dc are close friends. I think I am worried about upsetting her as she doesn’t really have many friends since the split 5 years ago as their friends were actually mainly her husbands. My dh works shifts so they come over on the afternoon/evenings he is working but now food prices are rocketing I am getting increasingly annoyed with the waste. I don’t mind feeding them the pizza, crisp etc as it gets eaten but I can’t let them keep wasting food the way they are.

There Is helping your friend and then there is this she might see it as not a big deal or not even care it's fine for you to put your foot down.

Wow she is cheeky! It's not just the wasted fruit though, you're cooking her kids seperate meals twice a week!
I'd have to say something!