Will this come across as rude.

[Waste32]

My best friend since school has 4dc her oldest 3 are the same school years as my 3dc and her 4th is under one. We meet up a couple of times a week mainly at my house because my dc have their own rooms so more space for the kids to play and because she became a single parent after splitting from the eldest 3 children’s dad 5 years ago and has struggled on benefits so it helps her out if I feed them once or twice a week. Her dc have terrible diets they literally eat about 3 or 4 items all fine I feed them what they eat. Would I be be rude or unreasonable to say I am no longer going to give her dc the salad/veg/fruit etc with their meals because of the waste? She insists I give her dc the healthy stuff which will end up in the bin after they have played with it and mushed it about. Yesterday was the final straw for me, she chopped up a large 800g punnet of strawberries and shared out a 400g punnet of blueberries between her 4 which all ended up in the bin so I want to say no more. I had to take a phone call so was distracted, my dc didn’t get a look in on the berries she gave them an apple as her dc don’t like apples. Today I have been to Tesco to replace the wasted fruit for my kids lunches for the rest of the week. How can I word this politely? I don’t want to cause upset or a falling out and I’m more than happy to keep feeding them but only the things they will actually eat.

You are kind.
But if it’s not for you to insist the children at least try to eat what they have been given then it’s not for the mum to help herself to your fridge contents, serve it all up in individual bowls for her children and then throw the whole lot in the bin.
You must have a serious talk with the children …about how they must at least try one piece of what has been prepared for them.
If you don’t feel comfortable being assertive with them in their mum’s presence and prefer her to model how to behave at meal times, then you must have that serious talk with her instead, and tell her that you can no longer afford to have good, fresh food that your own children would have happily eaten, thrown into the bin.
Just tell them all that food waste is a terrible ill in our society which is harming the very planet we live on. Explain it to all the children at their age appropriate level within their mother’s earshot. And tell their mum that nobody can afford to repeatedly throw money away into the bin and you know she already knows that more than anybody so it’s good you are on the same page about it.
Then organise the food prep yourself saying … this is what we have for our lunch today and I want everybody to try a little bit and then when I know you like it I will serve you some more, but this is all we have for today so let’s enjoy it together.

From a realistic perspective, if this is your friend and she can’t currently afford to feed her children, plus presumably they do need the nutritional value of the fruit and veg, the most sensible thing to do would be to sit down together as friends and work out a plan for encouraging her kids to improve their diet. Unfortunately, it is the crap that is cheapest to buy so maybe this is the reason they are used to eating poorly.

Well done for supporting your friend and her children. I hope you are able to continue to offer support and not get caught up in YANR outrage.

If money is an issue for her she will definitely not be providing her children with berries, so that's why she's most likely seizing the opportunity at yours - I don't think that's her 'using' you though.

If the OP had said, “I have berries - shall I do them for the kids” and CF friend had said “ooh, yes please”, then that would be “seizing the opportunity”. Instead, she took them without asking from OP’s fridge and deliberately excluded the OP’s kids so they didn’t get any. That’s a very different kettle of fish….

How on earth did she share out all those berries between her kids and leave yours out? I think that is outrageous!

I think I would keep a closer handle on the serving out and it all be ‘a little bit and then if you eat it, more’

The bowls of pasta with choice of sauce / toppings is a good idea, but again I would keep a handle on it or else her kids will ladle out tons if bolognese, before deciding they don’t like it.’

If your friend protests say ‘the amount we keep throwing away grieves me. I can’t stand the waste. I put that whole punnet of strawberries in the bin the other day!’

I wonder why you posted.

She is an epic user who doesn't respect you or your children.

For what it's worth, OP, you're trying to be a good friend and I would do the exact same thing if I were in your situation with a longtime friend in a similar situation. There's nothing wrong with helping when you can and it's wonderful that you're in a position to help.

But, I'm also glad you're going to try to do something about this CFery with the expensive fruit! No reason at all to waste good food, especially with prices now!

@Waste32 - I'm just wondering if you've managed to sort something out between you and your friend since you raised your concerns here? I do hope things have improved for you and your friend and her kids over the intervening weeks.