Do you split all expenses 50/50 or proportional to salary?

[marykitty]

My DH and I earned ca. the same salary when we got married, and we were splitting all expenses 50/50.

Few years ago, I dropped to 3 days per week after we had DS1, therefore I now earn a lower salary and have less bonuses etc. During my 2 days off I take care of DC and do all house chores.

My DH suggested, back then, that we kept splitting all expenses 50/50. With Expenses I mean everything:

• Mortgage

• Renovation and maintenance costs

• Phone, TV, water, light, fuel etc.

• Taxes and insurances

• Childcare and DC relates expenses

• Food and commodities (often i pay more than 50 for this since I do shopping on my days off and often pay cash or with my card)

• Payments to our pension funds

• All extras such as vacations

• Etc (i forgot something for sure)

Our childcare costs are now increasing and we need to buy a new car…I will close this year with a negative balance in my bank account. (Not minus, but having less than last year. It is now the second year in a row)

My DH thinks this does not matter because at the end of the day he is saving on his account and his money is my money etc etc.

He thinks me being upset by this is crazy, that it shows I am unnecessarily focused on money and this should not even be a concern in our family.

I know at the end of the day “it is OUR money” but I just feel sad to see I am not able to save after working hard.

how are you organized with your DH?

I know I have to learn to save better, but I wonder how other families are organized and if I am really BU to think we should change the way we split stuff.

Joint account - all our money goes in, bills paid by DD and we spend as we like, discussing any big purchases on the way.

I am the lower earner now but as someone else says, it helps if you have the same views on spending.

There is no way that he actually thinks this is fair and equal. He knows what he's doing. Sitting on a pile of savings that you have no access to, while you're going into red, trying to manage the household budget.

My DH suggested, back then, that we kept splitting all expenses 50/50.*

Ohhhh...I bet he did OP!!

Do you only have 1 child? What will happen if you have the 2nd child? I would raise this with your DH about it being one of the reasons his way of splitting things are V unfair.

This is financial abuse OP. Look it up.

I don’t know where you go from here - if he won’t change to him paying more in, so that you both have equal ‘spare money’, then you need to go back to work full time and consider your options (do you want to stay married).

Any women who are fed up being single need to read these threads and count their blessings.

I have always earned more (he came close a few years ago but then I move jobs).

We just pool the money. We each have savings accounts in our own names, so as to maximise returns/amounts, but it’s not ‘his’ and ‘mine’ - it’s ‘ours’. He works out the budget for us every 6 months and keeps track of where things are. I just keep earning the cash.

It’s our money. Both waves go into our joint account, the only account we have, and all bills come out of it. We are married, not flat mates.

You sound like a switched on person, why on earth did you agree to this unfair arrangement? And more importantly why have you not changed the system?

@FreshFreesias

Any women who are fed up being single need to read these threads and count their blessings.

That's me! Cheers

I couldn't be bothered with all that stuff.

All money is shared- no matter who earns it.

One central pot.

Get a joint bank account which all incoming money goes into and then each person has their own personal account which receives a regular deposit from a joint account. Your personal accounts are full just for fun stuff that the other person can't comment on being frivalous

This thread is depressing.

We don't have his and her money - we have 'our' money.

Both salaries into a joint account and all expenses paid out from that. We also put into joint savings.

Sometimes he has earned more, sometimes I have earned more. Currently I earn a lot more. Doesn't matter. If you are a family then you should pool your resources. IMO

We split in an odd way. But that's because the kids are mine, not dp. I own the house and I earn more. And we aren't married and don't want to join finances.

I pay for all work on the house. Again, because its mine.

So I pay a lot more. I would be happy paying all the bills and living expenses. As my wage has gone up, we have stayed in the same house so bills are quite small so I wouldn't mind. But dp insists on paying some. So it's proportional. We also pay proportional amounts into savings I a joint account.

The set up here, seems very odd.

Its all well and good saying savings are shared, but if they are only in his name (which it seems like they are) then while technically, they are shared. If he left tomorrow a bank won't give you access to an account in his name only. You would need to wait for the divorce to access it. Not much help paying bills until the divorce. And he could have spent it by then.

Even in a joint account, he could clear it out if he was planning on leaving. The only secure money is what's in your name.

This really sounds unpleasant and as though he resents you work PT so is, almost, punishing you for it.

I assume he agreed to the part time working, so it seems odd. This set up seems really unfair.

Also when you say 'for taxes' what taxes is this? Are you both self employed? If he earns more, why would you pay half his tax?

Or do you mean like council tax?

When I earned 100k and DH earned about 26k he insisted on 50/50 except for my mortgage on my house. Then his career catapulted and we had a baby and we had moved house and it was in both names with a caveat re my equity. And he paid half the mortgage. Then I gave up work and he paid everything. And never questioned a single penny of expenditure.

@DifficultBloodyWoman

Everything goes into one pot. We each take the same amount of ‘pocket money’ for personal expenses such as lunches with friends, haircuts, presents etc.

If your DH thinks it doesn’t matter, he won’t mind changing your system, will he?

We do this too. All income goes into one pot and is considered household/family income. After bills are paid, we each get the same 'pocket money' into our own accounts that's for us to spend as we please. Family expenses inc days or meals out, or any activities with the DCs, come from joint.

You are subsiding his savings with your past earnings. He says that his money is equally yours but clearly it's not.

Joint account - everything goes in, everything comes out. We can both spend what we like from the joint account, within reason.

We do 50/50 because we both have the right to chose how often we work and what we earn and it’s not fair for one of us to push ourselves to earn more just to substitute the one who wants to work/earn less. Was going 3 days your choice? If dh wanted to also drop to 3 days that’s ok too? You can’t say you are only going to work 3 days so he has to pay more. You chose that knowing what your expenses are.
My landlord won’t decrease my rent because I decide I don’t want to work full time no more, I know I have to earn x amount to cover my bills (50% of household bills) and how I do that and any excess I earn is up to me, and likewise for dh. He often asks me if he should go self employed and my answer is always as long as he can pay his share of the bills he can do what he likes I fully support him. Do you have a similar set up?

Is he paying you for 2 days childcare then if he wants to be fair ?

Assuming you still earn a similar gross salary, he's earning 5/8 of the money, and you 3/8, so it should be split proportionally accordingly.

When I was with EXDP, I earned double what he did, so we split bills 2/3 me and 1/3 him. As I'm female and him male, this built up resentment over time, and contributed to the relationship breakdown, so I'm not sure I'd do this again with a future partner.

We pay bills in proportion to salary, and keep the rest for ourselves

If I had my time again, I would probably suggest all £ goes into joint account and have the same amount of £ for discretionary spending

All goes into one pot, both have free access regardless of employment status. We just talk to each other if we want to make a “big” purchase.

This is unfair on you. I can't believe he said you were unnecessarily focused on money - that sounds borderline gaslighting to me.

You're putting yourself in a precarious position. If he's not worried about money and all money is family money then it doesn't matter if it's sitting in your savings account as much as it doesn't matter that it's sitting in his.

I'd be really firm about this, too many posts on here about women who end up in financial difficulty with shit partners.