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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do you split all expenses 50/50 or proportional to salary?

229 replies

marykitty · 28/09/2021 07:43

My DH and I earned ca. the same salary when we got married, and we were splitting all expenses 50/50.

Few years ago, I dropped to 3 days per week after we had DS1, therefore I now earn a lower salary and have less bonuses etc. During my 2 days off I take care of DC and do all house chores.

My DH suggested, back then, that we kept splitting all expenses 50/50. With Expenses I mean everything:

  • Mortgage
  • Renovation and maintenance costs
  • Phone, TV, water, light, fuel etc.
  • Taxes and insurances
  • Childcare and DC relates expenses
  • Food and commodities (often i pay more than 50 for this since I do shopping on my days off and often pay cash or with my card)
  • Payments to our pension funds
  • All extras such as vacations
  • Etc (i forgot something for sure)

Our childcare costs are now increasing and we need to buy a new car…I will close this year with a negative balance in my bank account. (Not minus, but having less than last year. It is now the second year in a row)

My DH thinks this does not matter because at the end of the day he is saving on his account and his money is my money etc etc.

He thinks me being upset by this is crazy, that it shows I am unnecessarily focused on money and this should not even be a concern in our family.

I know at the end of the day “it is OUR money” but I just feel sad to see I am not able to save after working hard.

how are you organized with your DH?

I know I have to learn to save better, but I wonder how other families are organized and if I am really BU to think we should change the way we split stuff.

OP posts:
BlueMoons90 · 28/09/2021 14:00

When I earned we split proportionally to earnings as I earned far less :)

DaphneBlake101 · 28/09/2021 14:29

As well as proportional contributions to the joint account, we also have a slush fund that we both contribute to. Then if we run low for whatever reason in the joint account, that's used to top up rather than it falling to one of us. We keep a float in the slush fund and transfer any extra into joint savings periodically.

Eralos · 28/09/2021 14:50

We pool our money we don’t split it. It’s truly our money.

GabriellaMontez · 28/09/2021 17:37

You've been doing this for years. Has the amount you pay in increased over this time? If not, of course you'll be going into debt. Prices have gone up and you also have a child.

The more I read about him the more horrified I am. Do you even know know he earns?

GabriellaMontez · 28/09/2021 17:39

Agree with PP this is financial abuse. Time for a chat.

FinallyHere · 28/09/2021 18:01

he said that I should just be more careful with expenses since I am the "account manager" it's my role to make sure we do not overdo it.

Did he say this without both of you checking to see what had changed, whether things cost more?

I'm not licking what I'm reading about him.

What does he say about your paying so much more of the childcare bill, firstly in income foregone and again in his so called 50:50.

Bombaloorina · 28/09/2021 18:37

So not only is he taking advantage of your financially, but managing the joint account is one of your ‘wife work’ / life admin jobs?!

Tell him to have a go at it. I bet he thinks it’s no big deal to manage the joint account right?

That being the case, get him to take over the role. And get him to do better.

That’s a real peach you’ve got there.

AlistairCamel · 28/09/2021 18:44

We both earn income and we both spend the income. I used to be main income earner. My salary was double his. I was happy for us just to spend it as a necessary. Likewise, it’s the other way round now and we do the same.we aren’t hung up on money in an account and want each other to have what we need/nice things.

TracyLords · 28/09/2021 18:48

Joint account here: all money in and out from the same pot. I’m the higher earner: but It’s a team effort all the way

Ivy48 · 28/09/2021 18:50

Bills are proportional to salary, food shopping split 50/0 and any other money is our own to spend as we please, we don’t have children. Savings are individual too. No wonder you’re annoyed he needs to take the heavier lid whilst you’re earning capacity is reduced!

Dillyjones72 · 28/09/2021 18:54

We put money into our joint acct that leaves us with around the same ‘personal’ spending money in our own accts which means DW puts in 4 x more than I do. She always has more money and pays more into her pension than I can afford to for mine.
I had the children and went part time. In now work FT but my career is far behind hers now, although that may change in the future.
I can’t imagine a works where she thinks I should pay 50% of all bills etc when she’s earns so much more.

FreshFreesias · 28/09/2021 18:59

I agree, it’s financial abuse.
Good grief.

NotYourCupOfTea · 28/09/2021 19:14

He sounds delightful…Confused

Start charging for all the things you do, would concern me why he’s being so secretive to be honest. Is he actually saving money?

LookieLikie · 28/09/2021 19:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LittleOwl153 · 28/09/2021 19:28

Either go back to work or insist that the savings are split equally.

If you are 'topping up' the account then he needs to 'top up' his 50%

He should not want you unhappy because you savings account is decreasing because you are at home looking after his children so that he can work an additional 2 days.

I would insist on proportional payments to the joint account to be honest. If he thinks it is just money and doesnt matter - then this shouldn't matter either. Alternatively he wants you to think it doesnt matter whilst he accrues more money at your expense.

Yes things are going up - my gas & electric bill has gone up by 25% this month, the food bill for our house has gone up by i'd say 10-20% this year. Our household account funding has gone up by 20% over the past 18 months (does not include mortgage) out of necessity as the bills have just gone up. If you cannot cover it between you then you need to talk about what to cut - you don't just dib into your savings as you are not managing things correctly. He has done a number on you hasn't he.

SisterBeaverhausen · 28/09/2021 19:32

We pay proportionate to our salaries. DH was the higher earner so paid more into our joint, now I'm the higher earner so I pay more into the joint.

Will be going on maternity shortly so he'll be paying for majority of everything while I pay for baby and my outgoings and putting a smaller amount into the joint.

C8H10N4O2 · 28/09/2021 19:50

If I present this issue to DH, he said that I should just be more careful with expenses since I am the "account manager" it's my role to make sure we do not overdo it

Axe his food from the budget to save money. He doesn't get to both dictate the budget and make you responsible for the shortfall. You are his partner not his naughty child.

For bigger things, e.g. a new car or house renovation, he pays for them then "send me the bill" for my 50%, which i then transfer to his account. Same for taxes

This is just bloody insane. Get savings into a joint account and stop this nonsense now before its completely entrenched and he is sitting on all the assets whilst you scrabble to get the kids' hair cuts and school shoes.

neeenor · 28/09/2021 19:55

So I work full time (40hrs) but earn less than DP.
We pay proportionate amounts of our salary.
This is then fair as we have the same % of our salary as disposable (personal) income.

We have one DC and we're not married. We own our house 50/50 despite me paying less in (technically).

CrazylazyJane · 28/09/2021 19:58

50% of each of our salaries goes in to joint account each month- rent, all food (supermarket, work lunches, take always and eating out), holidays, household bills, our gym membership.

We keep the other 50% in our personal account to do as we wish. I earn about 40% more than DP, so I chip in more to the joint account but I feel it's fair.

HouseOfFire · 28/09/2021 19:58

Best you get back to work asap

hedgehogger1 · 28/09/2021 20:00

We have a joint account. Our money is our money.

Nonamesleftt · 28/09/2021 20:01

50/50 here. I earn more (about 25% more), but DH has more money in the bank (inheritance). At the moment I'm trying to get my savings to a similar level as his and then we'll probably change it so we each have the same amount left over every month.

SW1amp · 28/09/2021 20:04

Both salaries go into the joint account, which is used for all bills, and we have a lose rules for other spending from it

We each take the same amount as ‘spends’ for our personal accounts to be used for whatever purpose

We used to earn the same, DH now earns around 3x my salary

Hullbilly · 28/09/2021 20:04

All money earned goes in one bank account and bills are paid and savings made jointly. If you don't have access to "his" money, it's not shared.

NoSquirrels · 28/09/2021 20:07

My DH suggested, back then, that we kept splitting all expenses 50/50.

Why did you AGREE? That’s madness.

You dropped 2 days salary to provide childcare! You shouldn’t then pay proportionally MORE than him. Bloody hell.

- Food and commodities (often i pay more than 50 for this since I do shopping on my days off and often pay cash or with my card)

Get a separate joint account or cashback credit card (in his name, with you as a named cardholder) for this purpose.

My DH thinks this does not matter because at the end of the day he is saving on his account and his money is my money etc etc.

Ask him to transfer savings into your name so that you are also 50-50 on the available wealth.