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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have told me about the cameras

194 replies

DianaBrigg · 27/09/2021 17:06

I was invited to stay with a friend, her husband and their 2 dcs. They have a lovely house and I was there for a week.

A few days ago I spoke to my friend to say thank you and she said that they loved having me, especially because I was so funny dancing away to the radio getting breakfast.

I was absolutely mortified. So it turns out they have security cameras all over their house. I had absolutely NO IDEA.

AIBU to think they should have told me? I feel like they’ve completely violated my privacy and don’t think I ever want to see them again. I mean who knows if they had cameras in the room I stayed in? In the bathroom?

I’m so angry.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 28/09/2021 05:10

Wow. That is totally not ok.

MitheringMytryl · 28/09/2021 05:22

Very odd. I agree with the PP who mentioned it could be an abuse situation.

You definitely shouldn't go to their house again. I'd feel very weird about the whole thing.

LookieLikie · 28/09/2021 05:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

KentuckyCriedFricken · 28/09/2021 05:57

I once stayed in an air BnB (it was a room in someone’s house, not the whole place to myself) where they had a camera in the kitchen. I was told that it was “to settle disputes between the husband and the wife” and they explained that they used a camera to see who used the last of something without replacing it. I was more concerned about the state of their marriage that they needed a $100 camera system to settle who used the last bit of milk or the last slice of bread than I was about being filmed getting myself a glass of water.

Cattitudes · 28/09/2021 06:09

@FatAnneTheDealer

Ha ha. Now you know how Matt Hancock felt! (Shouldn’t have put the jam knife in the butter, should you?)
Is putting the jam knife in the butter the new euphemism for an affair 🤣🤣.

I can see why you are upset, but people having cameras wouldn't upset me, I guess when staying in someone's house I would assume they might walk in at any time, so probably would modify my behaviour anyway. Having said that commenting on it is weird, as is watching it back for any minor misdemeanors.

I guess that the using the same knife might be if someone is coeliac. I always have to open a new jar of jam for example on the rare occasion I have jam and I use a different butter because dh will always forget and use the same for both. I suppose a different approach might be to sanction every misdemeanor.

DarlingFell · 28/09/2021 07:08

Absolutely disgraceful. We had a dog sitter look after our dogs recently, we wouldn’t have dreamt of looking at the footage from our cameras while he was there, such a huge violation of his right to privacy.

Bitofachinwag · 28/09/2021 07:28

@LookieLikie

We have cameras. We tell EVERYONE that is staying for more than a few minutes. And NEVER look at the footage (unless there is an incident). Was there an incident? If not…….weird
Why are you recording everything?
NautaOcts · 28/09/2021 07:33

That’s hideous! I’d be worried I picked my nose or talked to myself or something

KaycePollard · 28/09/2021 07:34

Apparently one of the kids saw me use the same knife on the butter and jam and got blamed for it. So they checked to see who really was the culprit.

This is a bit worrying. I mean, it’s annoying and bad manners not to use different implements for butter and jam, but that this family sees these as “crimes” which need surveillance is seriously controlling.

Pikamoo · 28/09/2021 07:39

The cameras wouldn't bother me but the fact they watched it back and commented is plain creepy and wrong. I have security cameras and wouldn't think to tell guests about them (they're in the hallways, corridors and common areas like kitchen and living room and are very obvious). Where I live it's very normal. It wouldn't occur to me to watch back the footage after having guests over though!

Northernsouloldies · 28/09/2021 07:40

To use the football equivalent VAR to settle family disputes is very strange. Let who put toast crumbs in the butter etc be one of life's mysteries.

LeVole · 28/09/2021 07:59

@Bitofachinwag I have them for security. We didn't used to but then my in-laws got burgled and now we all have cameras as they suspected the culprit was someone who was known to them. We're not in the UK though and it's definitely a more common thing to have here.

Lotusmonster · 28/09/2021 08:03

Send them this ….the law is clear, yes, they should have told you!
www.gov.uk/government/publications/domestic-cctv-using-cctv-systems-on-your-property/domestic-cctv-using-cctv-systems-on-your-property

ToadstoolBubbleMaker · 28/09/2021 08:07

All of it is completely mad. Cameras indoors, not telling you about them, watching it back to see who put the butter in the jam...

I'm looking more fondly at my own family this morning.

postingfortraffichere · 28/09/2021 08:11

Img OP I have security cameras and it didn't even occur to me to tell visitors!??? We just got so used to them we forget they're there and joe I feel terrible lol.

However they are definitely BU to watch them back - I've only ever done that if the alarm went off!!

postingfortraffichere · 28/09/2021 08:12

@Coffeeisnecessary

We have a camera for the dogs and I've never thought about telling anyone because I've never watched it back! I'll remember to warn people now! I don't want to be thought of as a weirdo!
Exactly this!!
postingfortraffichere · 28/09/2021 08:15

@Skysblue

Well, that’s illegal I think.

Definitely ex-friends!!

What a violation of your privacy.

I'm not so sure! Does no one on the thread have cctv at their workplace for example? I bet no one told you at interview right?!!

When you go out to restaurants and pretty much most public places they'll be CCTV so im really confused at why people are so outraged by the cameras.

Agree with watching them back is not on, but expecting to be told about CCTV is just a bit odd

saraclara · 28/09/2021 08:21

To those who have cameras, why are they running when you're in the house? I can see the point of they're set along with an alarm when you leave, but why have them running when you're there? Or worse, when your away from home but your partner or kids are there.

It makes me shudder. If a partner of mine installed cameras it'd be time to LTB for me.

BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 28/09/2021 08:21

Does no one on the thread have cctv at their workplace for example? I bet no one told you at interview right?!!

When you go out to restaurants and pretty much most public places they'll be CCTV so im really confused at why people are so outraged by the cameras.

UK law is very clear on the distinction between public spaces, where you have no expectation of privacy, and private spaces, where you do. Walking down the street, you have no expectation of privacy, and so you can be legally filmed without being informed. Ditto inside, say, a shopping centre. But you would very much have an expectation of privacy inside that shopping centre's toilet cubicle and to film you there without informing you would be illegal and creepy and disgusting. Inside a private home there is an expectation of privacy and it is therefore not legal to film people there without their knowledge. (Disclaimer: purely amateur knowledge of the law, but this bit looks pretty clear cut in this situation.)

Buildingthefuture · 28/09/2021 08:25

Due to previous security issues, I also have cameras all over my house, inside and out. Everyone who comes knows about them though (I tell them and they aren’t hidden!) and I never, ever watch it back! Would only do that if we had a break in….

saraclara · 28/09/2021 08:26

@postingfortraffichere do you not see the difference between a shop having cctv and someone having cameras recording their friend visiting their home?

Really?

If I was the OP I'd be wondering exactly whee some of those cameras were. The bedroom?

itsgrand · 28/09/2021 08:28

@DianaBrigg

I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. I did ask why they were looking at footage and she said they often looked back at things to settle disputes, for example who really drank the last of the milk and didn’t replace it. Apparently one of the kids saw me use the same knife on the butter and jam and got blamed for it. So they checked to see who really was the culprit.
I have heard it all!! That is ridiculous. What a saddo family. Checking cameras to see who used the knife. Knobs. Absolute knobs. And for the kids to even notice that it was you ffs.

I would actually tell her you feel really uncomfortable and violated and that they should have told you there were cameras before you even arrived so you could give informed consent to be filmed on their cameras. As it is they filmed you without your knowledge and without your consent and then watched it back. Knobs ffs

postingfortraffichere · 28/09/2021 08:32

@saraclara mine are only in public places like the hallway.

If in the bedroom or bathrooms then I'd say yes that's a reason to have a fallout but I honestly don't see the big deal of having cameras in your home - in the same way you might have one at the doorbell or in the garden.

I do agree OPs friend crossed the line watching it back though

itsgrand · 28/09/2021 08:39

@LookieLikie

We have cameras. We tell EVERYONE that is staying for more than a few minutes. And NEVER look at the footage (unless there is an incident). Was there an incident? If not…….weird
Why exactly do you have cameras and what what type of incident would make you look at the footage?

I am so confused at what type of home requires cameras and footage?
My home is where I take my bra off, pick my nose, fart on the sofa, wear odd socks to bed, make funny faces at my husband and generally just bloody relax and be myself.
I cannot even begin to imagine what situation in my home would ever ever require a camera to be running and recording.
Genuinely so confused

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 28/09/2021 08:43

I'd not be happy about that and I'd be trying to think if anything I said or did that would be embarrassing.

The thing about butter and jam...I think that's been made up as to the reason why they were looking back.

Never stay there again.

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