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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have told me about the cameras

194 replies

DianaBrigg · 27/09/2021 17:06

I was invited to stay with a friend, her husband and their 2 dcs. They have a lovely house and I was there for a week.

A few days ago I spoke to my friend to say thank you and she said that they loved having me, especially because I was so funny dancing away to the radio getting breakfast.

I was absolutely mortified. So it turns out they have security cameras all over their house. I had absolutely NO IDEA.

AIBU to think they should have told me? I feel like they’ve completely violated my privacy and don’t think I ever want to see them again. I mean who knows if they had cameras in the room I stayed in? In the bathroom?

I’m so angry.

OP posts:
Another888 · 27/09/2021 21:03

It's very creepy op and I wouldn't go round there again.
I'm glad the poll is so weighted to yanbu, there was a thread a while ago from a woman whose housemate put a secret camera in their kitchen and the replies where much more 50/50 which was worrying.

Fink · 27/09/2021 21:03

That's awful. And the pettiness of using CCTV to settle minor domestic disputes is just weird. The original post made them sound like they were super security conscious and a bit cruel (to laugh at your dancing and tell you they'd laughed at it), but the update makes the whole thing sound like a really unhealthy family dynamic and way OTT.

One of my brothers has a baby and I really hate helping out because they have the baby monitor on constantly (both sound and video). Brother is ok in that he won't look at it except when baby is alone. But sister-in-law obsessively checks it, when brother is there or I am or anyone else. I put up with it because I get that first time parents can be anxious and she has a history of severe depression, but it's really offputting to try to interact naturally with a baby when you know you're being watched. Still nothing to your situation though.

BoreiPuriHagafen · 27/09/2021 21:03

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MrsTerryPratchett · 27/09/2021 21:03

@Mustreadabook

I don't think this would bother me, as long as it's in the 'public' areas of the house. I mean someone could have walked in on you singing and for that reason I doubt you would have been for example walking round naked.
There's plenty I do I don't want on camera. Pull my knickers out my arse, wear a towel after a bath, readjust a bra, bite my nails, clean out my ears. Anything really.

There's a reason we have the expectation of privacy in some settings.

DarkDarkNight · 27/09/2021 21:06

That is creepy as fuck. So nobody in that house gets any privacy? It’s less a security issue and more control isn’t it?

lannistunut · 27/09/2021 21:07

I wouldn't want to see them again either, I would tell them why.

LastStarfighter · 27/09/2021 21:09

@katemuff

Absolutely awful, I would never speak to them again. Do they invite children to their house and film them without their parents knowledge? It's insanely creepy behaviour.
Oh god, I never even thought of that! I wonder how common this is? I’m feeling reassured by the majority that think this is weird, but freaked out by the 5% who seeming think it’s normal.
TheIrritableGoldfish · 27/09/2021 21:10

I suspect they have suspicions that this thread may not be entirely truthful

I no longer visit a friend because her husband does this, watches back our girls nights in and comments if we do something daft, or get drunk. So I do believe this.

melj1213 · 27/09/2021 21:11

OP have you spoken to them about how it has made you feel?

I would never be staying with them again but I would also be telling them that knowing you were being filmed while staying with them has made you feel very uncomfortable, especially as they didn't make you aware of it at the time so that you could make other arrangements. I would then be asking them to delete any and all footage of me from their system asap. They may be happy to film each other but they need to inform their visitors that the cameras are there - I would be telling all of our mutual friends about the cameras too, because I'm sure they haven't been made aware that going round for a cup of tea and a catch up means they're on CF TV

I'm currently petsitting at my parents house, which is the house I grew up in, so while I don't live here any more I am more comfortable in the house than if I was staying at a friend's/hotel etc. Today is my day off from work and it has hammered with rain so I have spent most of the day in my PJs (shorts and tank top) on the sofa because I knew I was alone and at least one morning I walked through the house in my bra and pants to feed and let the animals out before I got showered and dressed. If I thought that I would be seen by anyone I would have 100% got dressed before I left my room every day, and I would be very uncomfortable knowing that someone had footage of me in a state of undress and I had no control over what they do with it.

SarahBellam · 27/09/2021 21:20

That's quite horrifying. I'd have to say something to them along the lines of:

"Having had time to reflect, I'm quite horrified that you videoed me without my knowledge or consent in your home. Had I known I certainly would not have visited. This is not normal behaviour; it is intrusive and really quite creepy. Please delete any footage you have of me immediately."

MissConductUS · 27/09/2021 21:24

We have one camera inside the house as part of our Ring system, but it only comes on when the alarm system is set to "away", as in no humans present in the house. It's handy to keep an eye on the cats. It only records when it detects motion.

I just assumed everyone's was set this way. A bit odd that you want to see inside the house when you're home.

Lucycantdance · 27/09/2021 21:27

This is mad. YANBU

toffeeghirl · 27/09/2021 21:31

@TheIrritableGoldfish

I suspect they have suspicions that this thread may not be entirely truthful

I no longer visit a friend because her husband does this, watches back our girls nights in and comments if we do something daft, or get drunk. So I do believe this.

That makes me feel sick to my stomach.
Plumtree391 · 27/09/2021 21:31

That's horrible, I wouldn't go there again.

shouldistop · 27/09/2021 21:32

I'd never speak to them again

SisforSoppy · 27/09/2021 21:38

I'm intrigued about the 5% who think the OP is BU!

I’d be upset if I thought I’d been filmed having sex, but aside from that I can’t think of anything I do that every other human doesn’t do, and if someone’s life is dull enough to go through video recordings of me living, we’ll id feel sorry for them.
We have cctv but only outside…..it doesn’t occur to me to tell people.

PegasusReturns · 27/09/2021 21:40

That’s creepy beyond belief.

I’d be horrified at the cameras alone, but the reviewing them in this manner is awful. I’d be upset and certainly wouldn’t visit again.

Boombadoom · 27/09/2021 21:40

They are mental.

BeautyQueenIamNot · 27/09/2021 21:44

That’s super creepy and very wrong

I wouldn’t be calling them friends again..

We have a couple of blinks in the house to keep an eye on the dogs while we are at work/out but they are visible and only in the kitchen I would tell someone if they were staying at our house & probably switch them off

Flufferty · 27/09/2021 21:45

I don't think it's that bad, but I can't see that in in the minority

Bitofachinwag · 27/09/2021 21:46

That was very wrong of them.

PieMistee · 27/09/2021 22:16

My poor friend found out her DH was recording their house secretly as he was working away. I was angry on her behalf but also mine as I had spent many a night talking in private to her.

PieMistee · 27/09/2021 22:17

Should have said ...working away and didn't trust her... ( For no good reason)

OldieWordly · 27/09/2021 22:21

Your friends certainly crossed a line and told so.

My boiler was being checked and I was receiving the sales pitch about the Hive system and all the gadgets.

They said they had it installed in their own home. Out comes their mobile phone to show me the camera set up in their hallway. He showed me a livestream of his partner walking through the hall way.

The fact that his partners privacy wasn't a concern to him quite put me off.

I will not be having any such cameras in my home.

grapewine · 27/09/2021 22:28

That's some creepy shit. Your update makes it even worse. Yes, she should have told. I wouldn't go back.