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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

school runs/babysitting taken for granted

229 replies

takenforgrantednana · 26/09/2021 15:26

so for the last few years i have been helping my daughter out with doing the school runs, days and length of time i have the kids varies depending on her shifts at work. and this is where the problem lies!

on several occassions now we have put our foot down and told her repeatedly that we need to know what her shifts are and if she requires the kids to be collected or not, and things start ok for a short time, but then after a few weeks it slowly slips back into the previous pattern of last min " mum could you just"

now dont get me wrong i love my grandkids to bits, but i cant plan anything in either my life or for them, i dont know from one day to the other if im having them over or not, if i am, am i feeding them? its got to the point that the youngest who is 5 has even remarked that nana always goes shopping before collecting them from school! well yes i do because i need to buy stuff in for their meal! or to keep them entertained while they are here.

surely im not asking much? no way does she get asked to come into work on the monday, only to be able to ask me at 8 pm sunday?

OP posts:
VelvetChairGirl · 26/09/2021 17:19

not your job. I remember when I had my kid my mum said dont go asking me to babysit I did my time.

(she did it a couple of random times when I was sick and stuff, but she was quite right it wasnt her job and IMHO expecting your parents to look after your kids so you can work or whatever is cheeky as fuck they have had their kids and done, they have a life too)

Ginger1982 · 26/09/2021 17:20

What was her response?

pelosi · 26/09/2021 17:22

Well done, OP! What was her response?

Noshowwithoutpunch · 26/09/2021 17:27

I also assumed she was a single mum and was going to ask if there was a chance she was perhaps struggling balancing things and perhaps problems with her mental health- so using you when she needed a break but pretending she was working.
Her DH needs to step up and he won't do that unless you step down.
Do you think there's a chance she is struggling mentally and is exhausted and overwhelmed but trying to hide it?

Goldbar · 26/09/2021 17:29

yes but he is erm only interested in himself unless he is pushed into things, hes been to our house twice in the last 9 months! and that was to collect the kids when they had a sleep over

Does the husband work too? Please tell me he's not sitting at home doing fuck all while you collect his kids!!

MzHz · 26/09/2021 17:32

I think you’ve handled this correctly

Let her and her h sort it out between them.

Undisclosedlocation · 26/09/2021 17:34

Their kids. Their problem
Offer to do what you feel comfortable with (if you wish to) and the rest is down to them, cheeky sods
They sound pretty unpleasant tbh, only using you for childcare and not bothering at any other time

Original poster
takenforgrantednana · 26/09/2021 17:49

for the last 12 months i have been having issues with my breathing, i already had asthma, but started having very bad episodes, this has involved lot and lots of hospital/gp visits, and finally i have seen a consultant, who has now said i have copd, i have plenty of more visits to the hospital to look forward too! if i miss an appt i will be removed off the list!

anyway shes just replied ok shes said about next week but still not one word of an apology

OP posts:
Dinoroaraus · 26/09/2021 17:52

Omg! I thought she must be a single parent too!

Original poster
takenforgrantednana · 26/09/2021 17:52

@Goldbar

yes but he is erm only interested in himself unless he is pushed into things, hes been to our house twice in the last 9 months! and that was to collect the kids when they had a sleep over

Does the husband work too? Please tell me he's not sitting at home doing fuck all while you collect his kids!!

he works, but from home mostly, i think he does 1 day a week in the office, strangely tho her late shifts always seem to coincide with his playing football!
OP posts:
Dinoroaraus · 26/09/2021 17:53

And if grandad likes having them round and thinks its no big deal tell your daughter to ask him?

Original poster
takenforgrantednana · 26/09/2021 17:54

@Dinoroaraus

And if grandad likes having them round and thinks its no big deal tell your daughter to ask him?
kids finnish school at 3.20 grand dad finnishes work at 3.30 and 30 min drive home
OP posts:
AhNowTed · 26/09/2021 17:56

The more you write OP, the worse it gets.

Howareyouflower · 26/09/2021 17:57

I think your reply to her should be..."Sorry, I can't manage that day". No excuses or reasons.

Viviennemary · 26/09/2021 17:58

Tell her no. She needs to get a childminder. If she can find one so flexible which is doubtful. I wouldnt stand for this. I agree with one set evening a week or two at the most. If she keeps messing you about say sorry this isnt working for me you will need to make other arrangements.

londonrach · 26/09/2021 18:00

Every Sunday...or whatever day your daughter needs to let you know her shifts that week ..if childcare not booked on that day you can't do it...sorry op you going to have that talk with her. It's rude how's she treating you at the moment.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 26/09/2021 18:05

Yeah she’s taking the piss big time.

JacquelineCarlyle · 26/09/2021 18:05

Agree with everyone else - your DD & her husband sound like they're taking you for a mug. Well done for saying no - stay strong and I hope you manage to set firm boundaries with her.

Hope you're ok Re COPD too Op.

ChargingBuck · 26/09/2021 18:05

my husband doesnt agree with me and cant really see what the problem is!

Great - you no longer have a problem! DH can take impromptu time off work & do it himself if it's so easy.

Or their father could ... pick up & look after his own kids?

2bazookas · 26/09/2021 18:06

"Mum could you just pick them up today?"

"I'm afraid not,. I won't be here . Joan and I are having a day out".

    Just keep refusing until she realises,  no notice means no childcare.
Original poster
takenforgrantednana · 26/09/2021 18:10

shes now claiming im in a bad mood! which im not, im just very very tired after 12months of only getting about 4 hours broken sleep a night

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 26/09/2021 18:11

@2bazookas

"Mum could you just pick them up today?"

"I'm afraid not,. I won't be here . Joan and I are having a day out".

    Just keep refusing until she realises,  no notice means no childcare.</div></div>

Exactly this.

No notice, no childcare.

She'll soon learn.

AhNowTed · 26/09/2021 18:12

@takenforgrantednana

shes now claiming im in a bad mood! which im not, im just very very tired after 12months of only getting about 4 hours broken sleep a night

Ah the guilt trip.

Didn't take long 🙄

TarpaulinEyes · 26/09/2021 18:12

And don't say sorry and your are afraid not unless you mean it.

Dinoroaraus · 26/09/2021 18:13

@takenforgrantednana

shes now claiming im in a bad mood! which im not, im just very very tired after 12months of only getting about 4 hours broken sleep a night
Does she know you've been unwell?
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