In Laws and Christmas

[TurkeyTescos]

Background I've been with DH for over 15 years and DH has always had Christmas dinner with my family. The reason for this is because MIL spent it with her parents and six siblings. Their family tradition is once all the siblings children (DH and his cousins ect) turned 17 they weren't allowed to go their anymore and where expected to have dinner with friends or relatives from the other side of the family. My DM even hosted sister in law when she turned 17 because she had no where to go for dinner, even though her own mum was a few streets away having a fab time with her own parents and sisters.

2020/21 has been hard for MIL she lost her father to covid and her mother has recently gone into residential care, her childhood home was also sold over the summer. Last week MIL called in to see me and announced that since she no longer has anywhere to go her and two of her sisters will be having Christmas dinner in my house, she then handed me a few pages of printed instructions on how to cook it the way they like it and a running order for the day. I told her it wasn't happening but she (and only her) would be welcome to spend the day with us at my mum's house.

Today at the supermarket my DM ran into MIL and one of her sisters The sister started shouting at my DM that she'd ruined Christmas for them by purposely keeping them apart, that she was greedy for expecting DH and I to spend this Christmas with them when we'd spent every other Christmas together. MIL also shouted but DM glazed over it and said she spent most of the time crying hysterically while her sister done the shouting. I suspect DM doesn't want to upset me with what was really said.

I'm fuming, but I know it's best to sleep on it before confronting her tomorrow. She will need to be told that she was completely out of line speaking to my mum like that, who has quite rightly rescinded the invitation for dinner

AIBU by telling MIL she isn't welcome to spend any part of Christmas day with us? I'm feeling guilty because they are right, we've always spent it with my family. Should I just host MIL and her sisters this once and make it clear that they'll need to find somewhere else to eat together next year ?

DH is quite adamant that MIL be left to her own devices, that all the sisters are in their 60s, have their own homes, can and should cook for themselves. They all also have children so I don't know why I've been singled out tbh.

Im stunned at your abandoned 17yr old DH and his Sister ..

Shocking and so cruel 😔

OP - do you have young children? Are they over 17? Would MIL object to them being there?

If this is what she’s like now, imagine what she’d be like once her feet are under the table?

Has your husband never spent a Christmas with his dad? How come neither he nor his sister spent the day with him once they hit 17 (or before)?

Your MIL wouldn’t be stepping foot over my threshold or my mums either.

I’d tell her that and nothing else and leave all other communication about EVERYTHING else to your husband.

She’s clearly awful. Stop trying to smooth everything over and make things nice for her. She’ll reap what she’s sown. Your husband clearly has the measure of the woman.

@TurkeyTescos your h had little time or patience for his mother and you keep stepping in to smooth things

Now do you see why he stands back?

Take your lead from him. Go no/low contact and don’t invite her to anything

Carry on doing what you usually do and before you tuck into your crackers and silly hats before lunch, raise a huge glass of something fabulous and give thanks that you’re not with mil.

That’s your tradition 🙂😜🤣😂

How very odd

Yep I'd keep away from that drama

Please tell me you are joking.

The only reason you never spent it with her previously is because you weren’t allowed.

I’d be telling her exactly where to go and her sister and warning her that if she doesn’t apologise to your DM she’ll be having low contact with you. How bloody dare she.

I cannot believe the abject nastiness of someone leaving their own child with nowhere to go on Christmas day at any age, let alone 17.

And then having the gall to cadge an invite via someone they've previously shunned, and then printing out a list of instructions!

It's got to be candid camera. Either that or she's completely off her head. I am not joking when I say I would laugh in her face.

Invite FiL just him, not the Sisters Batshit

Tell mil to fuck off to the far end of fuck and then fuck off some more.

Oh, and even IF you or DM were gracious enough to invite DMIL (with or without her DSis's), she has absolutely no right to demand things run to their traditions. They would NOW be joining in with YOUR traditions and need to adapt to those, not demanding that you change yours, in your own environment, for their benefit.

@IfImLyingImDying

It seems that most of DH cousins feel the same about being turfed out at 17 and that's why two of the sisters + MIL are struggling to find somewhere to go.

Karmas a bitch.

Invite FIL and leave her to entertain herself like she’s left plenty of people before hand.

Leave all communication to your DH. It's his mum, and he clearly doesn't want to host her over Xmas. After all, you reap what you sow, and MIL is now facing the consequences of her actions.

And invite FIL, I wouldn't be surprised if he jumps at the chance.

I always step in with communications between DH and MIL he has zero patience with her which is the opposite demeanor he has with everyone else. After her behaviour I think he is right keeping her at arms length and I should just let him deal with her instead of trying to make everything nice and keep everyone happy.

I've said this many times on here - please let your DH have his relationship with his mother and don't try and 'fix' it.

99 times out of 100 there's a reason someone who is normally a calm, patient, kind person isn't calm, patient and kind with their parent.

As you've seen with this.

Your MIL is a cheeky fucker of the highest order. She's been suiting herself since your DH and SIL were 17 and now that her situation has changed she expects you and your DH to jump to attention. She's rude, selfish and a shit mother. Let your DH decide how close, or not, he wants to be with her.

I can't believe this it beggars belief!

Stay well out of it. Your mother doesn't want them. Your dh doesn't want them (and they're his family) you don't need the hassle.

Quite frankly if they want the day together they can go to each others houses or book a hotel or restaurant. I also can't believe they'd turf their own children under the age of 18 out at Christmas! A little taste of their own medicine is in order I think...

They'll only be reaping what they sowed years ago...

What a load of fish wives, shouting in the supermarket.

When you celebrate Xmas with MIL, whose house do you go to? Who cooks ? Do you have a 17 year old child by any chance?

Tell her no over 60s (or whatever age she is), it's your Christmas tradition. I wouldn't have invited her in the first place over her rule of no kids over the age of 17. That's shocking.

DH is quite adamant that MIL be left to her own devices

Here's your answer - no need to do anything

Oh my god! They're absolutely insane.
Totally uninvite them!

OMG they left fil at home alone!
Definitely invite him but not her!

Hahahaha. Fuck that shit.
You reap what you sow.

If my house was big enough, id invite the entire extended family but leave out MIL and her siblings. And ensure they knew about it.

Batshit. MIL and sisters can organise their own exclusive Christmas.

This is utterly mental. The 17 rule is horrible, so cruel and selfish, and the fact your MIL and her equally unhinged/CF sisters expect you to drop everything for them has me gobsmacked.

I'd phone her tomorrow and tell her sincerely and unequivocally to go fuck herself. What a cheeky bastard she is.

Tell MiL, via DH, that there's a great new place opening up, The Blasted Heath, where they could do Christmas. The three of them could do regular meets there and I hear that there are great poetry slams, too.