In Laws and Christmas

[TurkeyTescos]

Background I've been with DH for over 15 years and DH has always had Christmas dinner with my family. The reason for this is because MIL spent it with her parents and six siblings. Their family tradition is once all the siblings children (DH and his cousins ect) turned 17 they weren't allowed to go their anymore and where expected to have dinner with friends or relatives from the other side of the family. My DM even hosted sister in law when she turned 17 because she had no where to go for dinner, even though her own mum was a few streets away having a fab time with her own parents and sisters.

2020/21 has been hard for MIL she lost her father to covid and her mother has recently gone into residential care, her childhood home was also sold over the summer. Last week MIL called in to see me and announced that since she no longer has anywhere to go her and two of her sisters will be having Christmas dinner in my house, she then handed me a few pages of printed instructions on how to cook it the way they like it and a running order for the day. I told her it wasn't happening but she (and only her) would be welcome to spend the day with us at my mum's house.

Today at the supermarket my DM ran into MIL and one of her sisters The sister started shouting at my DM that she'd ruined Christmas for them by purposely keeping them apart, that she was greedy for expecting DH and I to spend this Christmas with them when we'd spent every other Christmas together. MIL also shouted but DM glazed over it and said she spent most of the time crying hysterically while her sister done the shouting. I suspect DM doesn't want to upset me with what was really said.

I'm fuming, but I know it's best to sleep on it before confronting her tomorrow. She will need to be told that she was completely out of line speaking to my mum like that, who has quite rightly rescinded the invitation for dinner

AIBU by telling MIL she isn't welcome to spend any part of Christmas day with us? I'm feeling guilty because they are right, we've always spent it with my family. Should I just host MIL and her sisters this once and make it clear that they'll need to find somewhere else to eat together next year ?

DH is quite adamant that MIL be left to her own devices, that all the sisters are in their 60s, have their own homes, can and should cook for themselves. They all also have children so I don't know why I've been singled out tbh.

I just wanted to say, having read all your updates, congratulations on your baby. We waited for our baby for a similar length of time and had our first magical Christmas together last year thanks to IVF. I hope you have a wonderful family Christmas 🎄 Time for DH to make his own family traditions.

I feel quite sorry for your MiL actually, something very fucked up going on in her natal family. Dont invite her for Christmas though, she's an adult has responsibility for her actions.

Absolutely crazy in laws.

Hell no. Def would not be hosting them. Tell MIL she's over 17 and to find room at the inn elsewhere.

The whole instructions and timings thing is SO rude. Amazing.
She sets those rules, she can live with it.

OMG this is the most bonkers thing I've read. Some sort of version of how the other have live.

The GPIL were clearly bazaar banning their GC from their house at Christmas.
Given Op wasn't invited to Aunties I really don't think the Husbands of this family were invited either.

It's amazing that MIL & Fils marriage survived this sort of division.
It makes me think FIL has his own issues around Christmas. Hence being happy enough to see his wife and little kids go off to MILS at Christmas while he stayed with the cat. But there again maybe he didn't want to go with his siblings as a couple having Christmas apart is really odd and would raise questions. Nobody wants to admit they married into a batshit family.
Even as his kids were no longer welcome at Grannies they weren't really welcome at home either, which is really sad.

Going forward I think you and DH sort out what you want with your family. Let the dust settle with MIL.

Really bazaar.

This is the most crazy Xmas in law thread ever and yes great honest response form your dh.

I love the fact that fil has stuck by his tradition also and banned them 😂😂.

To be honest I think the premise of the idea is a lovely one actually... But just not on Xmas day. Why didn't they save this odd Xmas for early January?? When they have second Xmas without hurting anyone m

The more I think about it I think the MILS family is really dysfunctional. And like her generation weren't allowed to be adults in their own right or something.

Bloody hell!
This is all very “Flowers in the attic” children should not be seen and not heard!
I’m also struggling to understand why fil wouldn’t create some kind of Christmas for your dh and his sister as soon as they were turfed out.
It’s no wonder that his relationship with her is strained.

But having said that I’m glad Fil has banished the evil sisters from attending Christmas Day.

Well done to your dh for telling them they’re not welcome and the twisted aunt to basically stick her invite!

It is interesting though isnt it how we are all so happy to (rightly) criticize the MiL and sisters for banishing their kids but FiL refusing to lift a finger to do Christmas for kids is somehow funny. OP your poor dh!

And have a great Christmas with your lovely baby - can't believe that dear auntie would expect your dh to go to her instead of spending Christmas with his own family including his new daughter! Glad that he delivered a firm no to that!

FIL not creating some sort of Christmas is what makes me think he has some sort of issues around Christmas.

Your DH is ham man ( feel a personalised apron is due) - you are creating great traditions for your family and can rise above the bizarre behaviour of MIL

Thanks for the update OP!

Pleased you guys are seeing the funny side. What a mad invitation. They must not live on this planet 364 days of the year and just float down for Xmas.

Enjoy your Xmas day together ❤

@jellybeanteaparty

Your DH is ham man ( feel a personalised apron is due) - you are creating great traditions for your family and can rise above the bizarre behaviour of MIL

He really is the ham man. The first year he took charge of it, it tasted awful but we all told him it was delish, probably because we picked up on his lack of confidence around Christmas. Since then he has perfected the recipe and it's is the best part of Christmas dinner.

Posters are right about FIL being just as culpable in all the Christmas weirdness as MIL. I'm not sure what went on while he was growing up but his sister does post on Facebook around this time of year where they are going for dinner and to send her your deposit of you want to join them. It's very much an open invitation to all the family. He's the youngest sibling as well and his sisters do seem to dote on him.

You are being bullied.

Op your dh’s family are fascinating. It’s like Cold Comfort Farm.

Your own family sounds refreshingly lovely though. And the way you boost your dh up is so thoughtful.

Your in-laws sound completely bonkers, to be honest. I can't imagine a family where the grandparents would kick their grandchildren out of the Christmas gathering once they turn seventeen! What a cold, heartless "tradition"! Setting aside how bizarre it is, it's quite sad!

There's no way I'd be changing my plans to accommodate your outrageous MIL. She must be mad if she expects your mother to host her after that display.

I’d tell her to sod right off! Who the hell does she think she is?!?

"Hello MIL how the devil are you? We've pondered on your request and, unfortunately, hosting you at my home was only an option until you turned 60. I've checked with my DM and her offer expired 10 seconds into the verbal attack she endured in the supermarket. Thanks for the print outs. We'll be sure to try out some of your tips"

*So we've definitely went down the bonkers rabbit hole this morning. An invitation arrived for DH to attend Christmas dinner in his Aunt's house (the one who shouted at my mum in the supermarket). No mention of me and DD.

So weird!

Holy shit! What a nutter! Your poor mum. For God’s sake don’t host!

jbe

😂🤣

@Lockdownbear

OMG this is the most bonkers thing I've read. Some sort of version of how the other have live.

The GPIL were clearly bazaar banning their GC from their house at Christmas.
Given Op wasn't invited to Aunties I really don't think the Husbands of this family were invited either.

It's amazing that MIL & Fils marriage survived this sort of division.
It makes me think FIL has his own issues around Christmas. Hence being happy enough to see his wife and little kids go off to MILS at Christmas while he stayed with the cat. But there again maybe he didn't want to go with his siblings as a couple having Christmas apart is really odd and would raise questions. Nobody wants to admit they married into a batshit family.
Even as his kids were no longer welcome at Grannies they weren't really welcome at home either, which is really sad.

Going forward I think you and DH sort out what you want with your family. Let the dust settle with MIL.

Really bazaar.

I love threads like this, at 73 I feel so normal when I read about all the nutty families.

Honestly if you cave she’s a lifer