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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not understand what I have done?

296 replies

TheWeekDay · 25/09/2021 08:32

Due to go on holiday with DH today. GPs to look after the DC so we can have a bit of time together. Things have been tough recently so much needed.

Yesterday DC was sent home from preschool in the morning as unwell (not covid symptoms). DH is at home as has been off sick with stress for 3 months so picked DC up.

I came home from work and said I’d look after DC for a couple of hours in the afternoon and do the work I needed to do in the evening, so he could go for a run and do some of his other hobby.

He say it wasn’t for me to say how much time he got. He needed more than a couple of hours.

I’m pregnant, tired, struggling with morning sickness, working FT in the office. Any work I didn’t do in the day I would have to do in the evening.

So off he went for 4 hours. I then had to work till past midnight. I’m not sure that’s ok, but maybe because of his stress he can’t cope.

What I’m really upset about though is that he’s now refusing to come on holiday because, he says, of how I have behaved. He’s accused me of bullying him. I’m completely confused. I came home from work to give him a break. I haven’t had a break at all.

I just don’t understand what I have done. AIBU?

OP posts:
Wnikat · 25/09/2021 19:24

He’s a gaslighty moody wanker. Don’t fall for it.

Bloodypunkrockers · 25/09/2021 19:46

He sounds absolutely awful with no redeeming features

Enjoy your break OP

Then think about whether you want to be having these conversations constantly

CheekyHobson · 25/09/2021 19:51

That sense of nagging self-doubt is actually your biggest clue that you're being manipulated. Your husband directly blames you for the problems – he probably seems extremely convinced of himself when he does this. Yet no matter how hard you try, you just cannot understand what the hell you're doing wrong.

I bet that when you ask him what exactly it is that you've done wrong, or how exactly you've caused the problem, the real issue is never made clear. He'll make a negative generalisation ("You're just really selfish" "You think everything's about you"), or avoid answering ("If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" "Are you really so dumb that you need to be told how to treat me with respect?") or just end the conversation in a way that makes you feel bad ("I can't deal with you going on at me, you know I'm sick with stress already" "I don't have time for this, someone needs to look after the kids"). That's because HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING WRONG EITHER, because it's actually HIM.

You're left feeling baffled. He seems so angry and self-righteous and convinced of himself, and you feel guilty about hurting him but also hurt yourself by his unkind words, and resentful because your hurt isn't being recognised at all. You have a sense that there's something deeply unfair here, and anxious because you have no idea how to solve this problem other than tip-toeing around your husband even more to avoid setting off his anger.

That's why you feel doubtful. You believe your husband cares about you so wouldn't blame you so convincingly unless he could see something you can't. Yet when ask him what it is, or you try to figure out what it is, it never resolves into clear view.

What that tells you is that actually, your husband is the one with the problem and it's a really serious problem. He probably doesn't think he has a problem at all, because he literally has a damaged worldview. (Abuse in childhood? Extreme bullying in adolescence? Bitter divorce? Problems don't really come from nowhere.) That's why he sounds convinced of himself. He really does see himself as the victim because he has no idea how to solve the problems he's creating so he feels helpless. He wants YOU to solve them. But you can't, because you're not actually creating the problems.

Part of the reason he's so angry is that at some level he understands that actually, this is on him, but because he's unwilling to self-reflect and own his part (because it would be highly painful for him to admit that the biggest part is down to him and he needs to take responsibility for himself). He's projecting this anger and his own sense of inadequacy onto you. He's angry because you haven't yet figured out the problems with him that he can't figure out either.

He needs therapy. Seriously. You could do with some too, but of a different sort. He's abusive and you're enabling his abusive behaviours by not insisting that he becomes responsible for dealing with his own shit. Instead you try to support, accommodate, do it all yourself. But you feel resentful about doing it, and fair enough.

Where it starts is that you stop accommodating and enabling him. You start telling it to him straight. "Husband, I'm done with this. I know you're unwell but I don't see that you're genuinely trying to help yourself. You're making a show of it by web-searching and self-diagnosing, but you're not getting genuine, professional help. And you're wholly blaming me for problems that you are substantially contributing to. I'm not prepared to carry that any more. It's too much for me. I can't work, and carry a child, and look after our kid and carry you too. The weight of all these problems are drowning me. So while it might sound selfish to you, I have to prioritise myself and the kids. The kids can't care for themselves and I can't care for them if I'm drowning. So your problems are the ones I'm offloading. You're an adult, you need to prioritise yourself and solve your own problems so that you can be a capable father and partner. Get some genuine help, not 'web-searching' and self-diagnosis help but professional medical help and psychological therapy. Otherwise nothing is going to change. I can't fix you. Only you can fix you."

Lilymossflower · 25/09/2021 20:06

He is GASLIGHTING you

Very bad.

Go on holiday without him and experience how wonderful it is to not be around someone who mentally tortures you

frumpety · 25/09/2021 20:08

When I tried to talk to them about how DH was struggling with stress they said he had already spoken to them about how I was struggling and they won’t listen to me at all.

He has the narrative all sewn up and you don't know what it is. It will very much involve deflecting any responsibility for you struggling away from him though.

Lilymossflower · 25/09/2021 20:11

Ah, your other post reminds me of when my abusive ex would try and convince me it was was the black mould in the house making him sick and/or making me do things wrong all the time. There was no black mould. He was just a fecking loony!
Enjoy the time away op and I would reccomend giving him the boot when your back, when your ready and have things sorted to do so.

Feedingthebirds1 · 25/09/2021 21:08

I don't think he's having an affair. I think OP was supposed to show her respect by begging his forgiveness, apologising profusely for her behaviour, and pleading with him to go on the holiday. Or to show her respect by saying that if he wasn't going of course she wouldn't go, whereupon he would graciously condescend to go after all - as long as she begged his forgiveness and apologised profusely, and promised that she would do everything he told her to do while they were away.

I'm glad she didn't do either. But I fear he will be intolerable, and probably ramp up the abuse, when she gets back. Or will tell her she's gone too far and he's divorcing her. Expecting her to beg his forgiveness, apolog....you don't need me to spell out the rest. Her answer should be 'excellent, where do I sign the papers?'.

Offmyfence · 25/09/2021 21:18

@Feedingthebirds1

I don't think he's having an affair. I think OP was supposed to show her respect by begging his forgiveness, apologising profusely for her behaviour, and pleading with him to go on the holiday. Or to show her respect by saying that if he wasn't going of course she wouldn't go, whereupon he would graciously condescend to go after all - as long as she begged his forgiveness and apologised profusely, and promised that she would do everything he told her to do while they were away.

I'm glad she didn't do either. But I fear he will be intolerable, and probably ramp up the abuse, when she gets back. Or will tell her she's gone too far and he's divorcing her. Expecting her to beg his forgiveness, apolog....you don't need me to spell out the rest. Her answer should be 'excellent, where do I sign the papers?'.

I think you may be right!!
FMSucks · 25/09/2021 23:26

@Feedingthebirds1- you are so right. I would do this every time there was a disagreement between myself and my ex. I would literally beg for his forgivenesses while he stonewalled me, would take off and ignore his phone. I would be beside myself with worry, inconsolable and spend weeks being the perfect wife to make it up to him. He had me right where he wanted me. You don’t see it when you’re in it but when you step away for a decent length of time you start to put the pieces of the puzzle together and realise what utter dysfunction you were living in.

Over 3.5 years on from when I finally called time on my marriage, my ex still blames me for everything and takes absolutely no responsibility for how our marriage got to the point of no return.

I do hope you’re okay OP and getting some much needed rest x

Viviennemary · 25/09/2021 23:32

He is skiving off work and going for runs while you are working full time and are pregnant. I couldn't be with such a lazy self centred loser. And tries to blame you. Get rid.

CatTerrier · 25/09/2021 23:33

What an arsehole.

TwoPaperAirplanes · 26/09/2021 00:01

Oh op, I really feel for your dp.

It must be very taxing being a gaslighting, absolve prick.

Please, I hope you use this time to work out a "how to leave" strategy.

Enjoy your peace Thanks

TwoPaperAirplanes · 26/09/2021 00:01

*abusive! Thanks phone 💀

billy1966 · 26/09/2021 09:39

He's just another abusive arsehole who has taken a three month holiday for himself and I think the OP knows it.

As for his parents dismissal of the OP?

OP be very wary of his parents facilitating his arsehole behaviour.

I hope you are busy joining the dots and making plans to protect yourself.

Flowers
Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 26/09/2021 15:45

I'm actually proud of you for going away and knowing you don't deserve such shit. Have a wonderful few days away!

timeisnotaline · 28/09/2021 11:47

How was the weekend? Peaceful I hope!

TheWeekDay · 29/09/2021 09:46

I'm back! Thank you all again so much for your replies to my posts. I read them quite a few times while I was away (especially when I was thinking about getting in touch with DH...).

It has been good to have some time to think. I don't want to go into too much here but it turns out that there are a lot of things that aren't ok. I am all too often being given the silent treatment/being ignored/blamed. I have been giving the relationship everything, but I can see now it will never be enough.

Since I have been back he has ignored me. I tried to initiate a conversation about the way forward but got shut down and told he can't let me behave like this, that he just wants to live his life and I am constantly turning on him and "abusing" him.

TBH I am at a complete loss as to how this has happened. I keep going between thinking what can I do better/how can I fix this and this is not ok. In my gut though I know I'm an ok person and that everything isn't my fault anymore.

I have made an appointment to see a solicitor later in the week. I'm scared about what the future holds, especially because he is saying I am abusive. But I know I can't spend the rest of my life like this.

Thank you all again. Your support has been a massive help.

OP posts:
JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 29/09/2021 09:54

he is the abusive one, not you.
Stonewalling you, gaslighting you. It's not on

I think you are absolutely right to see a solicitor.
I'd 100% be leaving him.
If he thinks you are so abusive and youre behaviour cannot go on, why is he staying with you?!

Cause he's talking bollocks. X

Taiyo · 29/09/2021 10:00

Good luck with the solicitor. I hope you can stay in the house with the kids. I think most people will see through his bullshit. His parents might not but most people will se him for what he is.

billy1966 · 29/09/2021 10:02

He is the abusive bullying one.

And he knows it.

See the solicitor.

Start disengaging.

Make NO effort to initiate conversation.

Get your finances organised.

THEN tell him he clearly isn't happy and that a divorce is best for both.

He is highly abusive.

Stop wasting time examining your behaviour.

You know well that you have done your best.

Time to be brave and admit your marriage is over.

He is not going to change.

Don't waste anymore of your life on a bad man.

Keep posting.

Don't say a word to his parents.
Flowers

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 29/09/2021 10:02

Also if he goes on about 50:50 childcare...they all do. And it never happens.

Groovee · 29/09/2021 10:06

I'm glad you are seeking legal advice. He is really gaslighting you. You deserve so much better.

Fluffycloudland77 · 29/09/2021 10:09

One of my relatives is a family barrister, they say the first thing a lot of dhs want to discuss is…………the tv.

Beggars belief really. They deal with a lot of wealthy high profile clients so granted they probably have expensive tech but you can buy another tv. You can’t buy back your kids childhood.

endofagain · 29/09/2021 10:14

I suggest you move this thread to the relationships board. Ask for advice on getting your ducks in a row. This means keeping your head down, not engaging with him, while gathering abd copying/ photographing every single piece of legal and financial paperwork you can find. Mortgage, pay slips, p60, tax returns, credit card statements, pension, life insurance. You need all this before you see a solicitor.

MahMahMahMahCorona · 29/09/2021 10:17

Crikey OP this is awful. He is clearly projecting and the silent treatment / gaslighting sounds like it's been going on for some years. His parents sound like they've been enabling him too.

Good idea to have a conversation with a solicitor - might also be really helpful to see the GP too. Don't diagnose anything just give the symptoms of how he's telling you you're abusing him and yet you feel at a loss to know in what way.

It all sounds very familiar to how my marriage ended. Take care. I'm glad you got away for some time to think.