That sense of nagging self-doubt is actually your biggest clue that you're being manipulated. Your husband directly blames you for the problems – he probably seems extremely convinced of himself when he does this. Yet no matter how hard you try, you just cannot understand what the hell you're doing wrong.
I bet that when you ask him what exactly it is that you've done wrong, or how exactly you've caused the problem, the real issue is never made clear. He'll make a negative generalisation ("You're just really selfish" "You think everything's about you"), or avoid answering ("If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you" "Are you really so dumb that you need to be told how to treat me with respect?") or just end the conversation in a way that makes you feel bad ("I can't deal with you going on at me, you know I'm sick with stress already" "I don't have time for this, someone needs to look after the kids"). That's because HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING WRONG EITHER, because it's actually HIM.
You're left feeling baffled. He seems so angry and self-righteous and convinced of himself, and you feel guilty about hurting him but also hurt yourself by his unkind words, and resentful because your hurt isn't being recognised at all. You have a sense that there's something deeply unfair here, and anxious because you have no idea how to solve this problem other than tip-toeing around your husband even more to avoid setting off his anger.
That's why you feel doubtful. You believe your husband cares about you so wouldn't blame you so convincingly unless he could see something you can't. Yet when ask him what it is, or you try to figure out what it is, it never resolves into clear view.
What that tells you is that actually, your husband is the one with the problem and it's a really serious problem. He probably doesn't think he has a problem at all, because he literally has a damaged worldview. (Abuse in childhood? Extreme bullying in adolescence? Bitter divorce? Problems don't really come from nowhere.) That's why he sounds convinced of himself. He really does see himself as the victim because he has no idea how to solve the problems he's creating so he feels helpless. He wants YOU to solve them. But you can't, because you're not actually creating the problems.
Part of the reason he's so angry is that at some level he understands that actually, this is on him, but because he's unwilling to self-reflect and own his part (because it would be highly painful for him to admit that the biggest part is down to him and he needs to take responsibility for himself). He's projecting this anger and his own sense of inadequacy onto you. He's angry because you haven't yet figured out the problems with him that he can't figure out either.
He needs therapy. Seriously. You could do with some too, but of a different sort. He's abusive and you're enabling his abusive behaviours by not insisting that he becomes responsible for dealing with his own shit. Instead you try to support, accommodate, do it all yourself. But you feel resentful about doing it, and fair enough.
Where it starts is that you stop accommodating and enabling him. You start telling it to him straight. "Husband, I'm done with this. I know you're unwell but I don't see that you're genuinely trying to help yourself. You're making a show of it by web-searching and self-diagnosing, but you're not getting genuine, professional help. And you're wholly blaming me for problems that you are substantially contributing to. I'm not prepared to carry that any more. It's too much for me. I can't work, and carry a child, and look after our kid and carry you too. The weight of all these problems are drowning me. So while it might sound selfish to you, I have to prioritise myself and the kids. The kids can't care for themselves and I can't care for them if I'm drowning. So your problems are the ones I'm offloading. You're an adult, you need to prioritise yourself and solve your own problems so that you can be a capable father and partner. Get some genuine help, not 'web-searching' and self-diagnosis help but professional medical help and psychological therapy. Otherwise nothing is going to change. I can't fix you. Only you can fix you."