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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School keeps taking away my daughter's shoe

517 replies

Dryrobeandnoknickers · 23/09/2021 17:18

This week my Year 7 dd's school is running some baseline tests for them and on Friday we received a message from the school to let us know about these tests and ask that they bring in some headphones.

Neither dd or I own any headphones that would work with the laptop and I completely forgot to borrow some over the weekend.

On Monday during the first test she explained to the invigilator that she didn't have any, but luckily they had spares. She was told that she could borrow them in exchange for one of her shoes so "that she didn't steal them". This happened for several of the tests so she had to sit in the hall for several hours without a shoe and feels like she was being treated like a thief, and that it was humiliating.

She has now borrowed a pair of headphones for the rest of the week from a family member but chatting with some other parents this seems like a commonly used approach at the school.

I asked the school for their side of it and have just received a response saying "in the past we have loaned headphones to students and they have forgotten to return them and this has cost the school a substantial amount of money to replace them. We feel we have taken a light-hearted approach to loaning headphones to students who have forgotten to bring their own into school."

I'm pretty annoyed about how this was handled - my daughter felt it was degrading and that it not pitched in a light-hearted way but she was treated as though she might be a thief.

If I asked a colleague at the school I work at if I could borrow a pair of headphones and they asked me to give them my shoe in exchange I'd feel pretty frustrated about being treated like that too.

AIBU and this just how things work at secondary school and I'm being too precious and naïve about how to manage these things?

I know that its not the biggest of issues in the greater scheme of things but it has really grated on me and I really want to raise it with the school. Surely they'll get more out of the kids by treating them in a respectful way (which their behaviour policy states they should) and if/when there are any issues and they don't treat the school property with respect then they should be given a consequence and the parents should pay to replace them. Why not simply count out the 10 sets of headphones at the start of the test then count them back in at the end?

AIBU to challenge them on how they do this? I'm guessing an email from me isn't likely to change things but really feel I should say my piece.

OP posts:
Blanketsnpamphlets · 23/09/2021 20:29

As an adult in a bar I’d find this fucking hilarious.

As a child of that age sitting with one shoe on I’d feel degraded. Bizarre.

AICM · 23/09/2021 20:34

There are plenty of other systems but they involve the teacher doing the chasing. This guarantees that everybody will have the deposit, they get the property back AND the child does it of their own free will before leaving the room. It might also teach them to take responsibility for organising themselves.

FifiForgot · 23/09/2021 20:38

To buy enough headphones for the Y7 intake at the school where I work would cost about £400 and that is the cheapest sort I can find. Budgets are beyond tight, what do you suggest we choose not to buy in order to get headphones?

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2021 20:40

They could have taken her planner which is what a lot of schools do.

They don’t have planners anymore. It’s all online.

I taught a practical subject for 25 years. School
Equipment just walks. Even stuff that was chained up still disappeared. Not all of it is intentional, but stuff disappears.

A shoe seems a fair deposit tbh

AICM · 23/09/2021 20:44

If they leave without getting the planner the teacher has to waste time hunting them down and planners are a bit old fashioned now.

HampshireMummyof2 · 23/09/2021 20:47

Hi OP. My sons school has done the same this week. (??same school??). We were told Friday evening about the headphones so not a great deal of notice if you are busy on the weekend, (luckily we had some) plus we were not told that if they don't have them then they would have to give up a shoe. I can see the reason but think that they are meant to be treating them more grown up now so why do this?

Tailendofsummer · 23/09/2021 20:48

I don't think any child, faced with a classmate borrowing some headphones, would think that this was an issue of cost. If they were asked to bring in apple AirPods, sure enough.

MrsHamlet · 23/09/2021 20:48

Treating them "more grown up" would mean not giving them headphones at all if they forget. Would that be preferable?

Tailendofsummer · 23/09/2021 20:49

Read the thread, Hampshiremummy, you will find plenty of reasons why.

NumberTheory · 23/09/2021 20:51

@00100001

Maybe they can't afford to buy 100+ headphones for a one off baseline tests...

It's cheaper, easier and more hygienic for kids to provide their own

It's cheaper for the school. But it would also be cheaper for the school if all the parents provided their own chairs, football nets, bunsen burners, computers, etc.

In the UK state education is supposed to be free at the point of service - delivering that education within budget is a core activity for school leadership. If a state school can't afford something requiring parents to subsidise or Othering the children of parents who won't is not a justifiable approach. It's unethical to push costs onto families and it further entrenches disadvantage.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 23/09/2021 20:55

@listsandbudgets

I see the schools point of view but surely it wouuld be better to take phone or school bag.

I wouldn't be too happy on safety grounds either. In the event of a fire for example your daughters foot could get stood on if people are pushing to get out

Yes - it's a H&S risk, they shouldn't take shoes as it might put the kids at risk if there was a fire or an alarm of some kind.

I know exactly how the school feels as I got pretty sick of my equipment being stolen - much of which I had paid for myself - and I often got colleagues saying in an irritating smart alecky way "oh I just take their shoes" - just no.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/09/2021 21:03

OP I agree 💯 with your posts.

This is horrible treatment of a student. You would not expect an adult to hand in a single shoe in exchange for something (the bowling alley example is just stupid, seeing as how you actually get a pair of shoes to put on in place of yours).

There is no need to treat a child of any age with less respect than an adult. That doesn't mean there can't be boundaries & consequences.

BoredZelda · 23/09/2021 21:05

If they must ask for something, make it a cash deposit.

What if kids don’t have cash?

HelloDulling · 23/09/2021 21:06

Really not sure why you've posted, since you are so certain that you are quite reasonable. Thankfully, contrary to your OP, they don't keep taking her shoe away, they did it a number of times on Monday, and for the three days since then you have borrowed headphones, so all is well.

Asking for a deposit is hardly unusual, and they can't ask students to pay a cash deposit, so a shoe seems like a good, slightly daft alternative to me. Everyone has them, and they won't go far without one. I very much doubt she was the only one.

What sort of headphones does the laptop need that you don't have? I'm the least techie person going, but I know I've got at least a couple of pairs that would work with my work laptop and my home PC.

Porcupineintherough · 23/09/2021 21:07

I think it's fine. Would you rather they said "no" and put her in detention for forgetting?

SeasonFinale · 23/09/2021 21:07

There is no stigma if it is for people who have forgotten rather than just don't have any. They definitely won't leave the room without their shoe. I personally can't see an issue.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 23/09/2021 21:14

If they must ask for something, make it a cash deposit

Who’s going to collect, record and return all the cash? Teachers don’t have time to blink

ilovesushi · 23/09/2021 21:15

It is completely weird. Can they not just write the name of the person borrowing equipment in a notebook, then ask for it back again. So odd and uncomfortable for the borrower.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 23/09/2021 21:16

Thing is, they can't leave the room without their shoe, which makes it a H&S risk in case of a fire or other emergency.

SeasonFinale · 23/09/2021 21:16

@VexedofVirginiaWater

Thing is, they can't leave the room without their shoe, which makes it a H&S risk in case of a fire or other emergency.
Not if the shoe is by the door
VexedofVirginiaWater · 23/09/2021 21:17

Well, I know they could leave without their shoe, but being teenagers they would probably all mill to the front of the room to look for their shoes and cause mayhem.

NumberTheory · 23/09/2021 21:17

@FifiForgot

To buy enough headphones for the Y7 intake at the school where I work would cost about £400 and that is the cheapest sort I can find. Budgets are beyond tight, what do you suggest we choose not to buy in order to get headphones?
If the tests are an essential part of the school curriculum I would suggest you cut out something that isn't an essential part of the school curriculum, whether that's non-essential books for the library or a theatre group attending for the day or sports equipment or all of those things. Use voluntary donations to build up the budget for non-essential purchases. If the tests aren't an essential part of the curriculum or if there is a way of doing that doesn't require equipment you don't have, then it's worth considering whether you should not do the tests that way.

If budgets and (truly) voluntary contributions aren't enough to provide the curriculum no matter how you try then that needs to be more loudly communicated to the electorate and the Government. It still doesn't make it okay to Other a student or push costs off onto families. Plenty of families don't have the budget for all their necessities either.

Droite · 23/09/2021 21:17

Why do you say the school "keeps" taking your daughter's shoe, if it only happened once on Monday?

MrsHamlet · 23/09/2021 21:17

@ilovesushi

It is completely weird. Can they not just write the name of the person borrowing equipment in a notebook, then ask for it back again. So odd and uncomfortable for the borrower.
This puts the onus on the teacher to chase. The student needs to take responsibility.
FrippEnos · 23/09/2021 21:18

I think that parents conveniently forget that often its not the school that supplies these items but the teachers themselves.