School keeps taking away my daughter's shoe

[Dryrobeandnoknickers]

This week my Year 7 dd's school is running some baseline tests for them and on Friday we received a message from the school to let us know about these tests and ask that they bring in some headphones.

Neither dd or I own any headphones that would work with the laptop and I completely forgot to borrow some over the weekend.

On Monday during the first test she explained to the invigilator that she didn't have any, but luckily they had spares. She was told that she could borrow them in exchange for one of her shoes so "that she didn't steal them". This happened for several of the tests so she had to sit in the hall for several hours without a shoe and feels like she was being treated like a thief, and that it was humiliating.

She has now borrowed a pair of headphones for the rest of the week from a family member but chatting with some other parents this seems like a commonly used approach at the school.

I asked the school for their side of it and have just received a response saying "in the past we have loaned headphones to students and they have forgotten to return them and this has cost the school a substantial amount of money to replace them. We feel we have taken a light-hearted approach to loaning headphones to students who have forgotten to bring their own into school."

I'm pretty annoyed about how this was handled - my daughter felt it was degrading and that it not pitched in a light-hearted way but she was treated as though she might be a thief.

If I asked a colleague at the school I work at if I could borrow a pair of headphones and they asked me to give them my shoe in exchange I'd feel pretty frustrated about being treated like that too.

AIBU and this just how things work at secondary school and I'm being too precious and naïve about how to manage these things?

I know that its not the biggest of issues in the greater scheme of things but it has really grated on me and I really want to raise it with the school. Surely they'll get more out of the kids by treating them in a respectful way (which their behaviour policy states they should) and if/when there are any issues and they don't treat the school property with respect then they should be given a consequence and the parents should pay to replace them. Why not simply count out the 10 sets of headphones at the start of the test then count them back in at the end?

AIBU to challenge them on how they do this? I'm guessing an email from me isn't likely to change things but really feel I should say my piece.

And yet science labs, art classes and PE all regularly go ahead without having kids in one shoe or having to bring in all their own equipment.

These classes require specialist equipment. It wouldn’t be reasonable to expect pupils to bring their own Bunsen burner, basketball or specialist brush to school, whereas to expect a pencil, calculator or (in this case) headphones is reasonable. Lesson routines in these subjects also include time for distributing and checking back equipment - quite a lot of time on occasion, which is time lost for learning.
OP’s child will get over losing her shoe, though as someone who failed to realise my own children needed to take things in occasionally, I sympathise (they got very good at organising themselves quite quickly).

@NumberTheory

all Nightlystroll: Says someone who has never worked in a school.

You will have chaos

"I didn't borrow them"
"Miss X took them" X saying "no it was Y"
"Miss look these are broken"

Meanwhile your next class are trying to get into the room or messing around outside the room and possibly another teacher wanting to come in.

And yet science labs, art classes and PE all regularly go ahead without having kids in one shoe or having to bring in all their own equipment.

And yet Science, Art and PE have constant issues with stuff being stolen.

Every department does - in the last school I worked in, the storerooms had to have the keypads' (installed after the master keys were stolen out of a teacher's bag) codes changed every half term because staff would be watched opening them and by week 5, you could go in and find boxes of pencils, pens, Prittsticks, Blutac, calculators, paints, rulers, sharpeners, erasers, whiteboard pens, balls, PVA, musical instruments, testtubes, syringes and pretty much anything that wasn't nailed down (and some things that were) had been taken, never mind things like iPads.

It's a fun way of ensuring they get their equipment back. She could of course just being her equipment in.
She will remember next time

@NumberTheory

all Nightlystroll: Says someone who has never worked in a school.

You will have chaos

"I didn't borrow them"
"Miss X took them" X saying "no it was Y"
"Miss look these are broken"

Meanwhile your next class are trying to get into the room or messing around outside the room and possibly another teacher wanting to come in.

And yet science labs, art classes and PE all regularly go ahead without having kids in one shoe or having to bring in all their own equipment.

There is a huge difference between all students using some equipment and having 1/2 the class use school equipment and 1/2 using their own.

I think that's quite funny.

I can appreciate how some children might find it degrading though.

Surely the reason is obvious! Schools have limited funds and can’t afford to be replacing everything because it’s broken, stolen or lost etc.
You’ve forgotten to borrow or buy a pair so the responsibility lays with you.
I don’t think this is disrespectful at all!
Goodness - get a grip!

I think this is hilarious a d effective. They can’t forgot to return the headphones whereas a bag or book or something they easily could. Not all kids will have cash or a phone to hold as collateral. We can’t say whether the teacher did it in a mean way but the policy itself I think is a good one.

@coolhwip

I think it’s fine. Not fair for tax payers to keep paying to replace stolen headphones.

Absolutely. Down to a parent to return the headphones, but of course.......

Surely it depends on the way it was put across? If the person taking away the shoe had said 'we do this so you don't forget to return the headset' it wouldn't have been upsetting? In the first few days of senior school it must have come as a bit of a shock to be thought of as a potential thief.
I'd also be a bit cross about the assumption that all families have access to those things.

I'm sorry you're daughter felt so bad about it, but tbh I think you're both being oversensitive. Seems more than reasonable to me, and I think that parents should support the school with things like this - it is no use to any student or parent if kids continue to steal school supplies. If something has been put in place to stop this then that's a good thing?! It's also good to teach kids that forgetting things that you need for the day ahead is not a good way to live, so there's a lesson in a silly punishment for leaving things at home. I'm sure no one intended to make your daughter feel like a thief, but mollified? Yes, absolutely.

YABU - it's not "treating her like a thief". It's just taking a deposit.

Spare a thought for the teachers who have to sit surrounded by smelly shoes.

I can't see that this is degrading at all. Your daughter was asked to bring headphones for a test. She didn't.
The school have a limited supply of headphones they can lend out. They need them back. It's easy to forget and walk out with something as small as headphones (or a calculator). No-one is likely to get far with one shoe on before they realise they've forgotten to hand it back in.

I do the same with my car keys if the weather is changeable - put them in coat pocket if it's cold in morning. Then when I leave office and it's warm later, I don't go without my coat.

Don't make a big issue of something which makes perfect common sense.

For a child whose parents are struggling financially and can not afford headphones I think it singled them out and I would be annoyed too

Can’t they just take their names and what class they’re in rather than demanding they remove items if their uniform and holding it to ransom.
Seems very odd.

Surely writing down a pupils name and getting to sign on receipt and giving back should be sufficient or just keeping everyone in the room till all collect.

That’s a great idea! Personally I love it

I think it’s a good idea 👍

If they did that to my daughter, I’m absolutely certain she wouldn’t go without headphones again.
I feel for your daughter’s discomfort, though I’d be surprised if she was the only child with one shoe.
So much stuff goes missing accidentally as well as on purpose in school that there has to be some way to encourage children to return what they borrow and look after their belongings.
Perhaps if it was like it is in France where everything has to be bought by the parents it would help. Although looking at the contents of the lost property bin in my primary school, it might not make any difference.

It's not the end of the world remember the equipment next time. Sure it's pretty effective the school will have up to 1000 pupils if they all forgot headphones or what ever else they would have nothing left. Just asked my son and they do it at his school he told me about it like it was the most normal thing in the world.

This is what they do at a local soft play if you want to start a tab. Makes me chuckle every time!

We used to do similar, didn't specify item. But if a student was borrowing anything from me I'd ask for an item in return. I'd get all sorts in my desk 🤣

@Anitarest

If they did that to my daughter, I’m absolutely certain she wouldn’t go without headphones again. I feel for your daughter’s discomfort, though I’d be surprised if she was the only child with one shoe. So much stuff goes missing accidentally as well as on purpose in school that there has to be some way to encourage children to return what they borrow and look after their belongings. Perhaps if it was like it is in France where everything has to be bought by the parents it would help. Although looking at the contents of the lost property bin in my primary school, it might not make any difference.

If your daughter were in the same position as OP's daughter and didn't have any headphones to take in, how would she manage to not go in without them? Would she steal them? From whom?

Show makes sense because you wouldn't wander off without your shoe taking the headphones with you, you could easily do that with a homework diary

I think it's light-hearted, people shouldn't be soo sensitive, try and see the light side in things

That's not a real issue. Keep it lightly. If you laugh about it your daughter would probably laugh about it too and get over the weird feeling of sitting there with one shoe.If you get annoyed by it your daughter will copy you.. It's her first years in school make it as pleasant as you can.
Some kids aren't that organized and it would be annoying if her headphones gone missing for whatever reason,and that's how it is for the school when something goes missing. They need these headphones too.
She's not a thieve, just explain her that the school is doing this for a good reason and that it's not her personal fault. If she feels like a thieve for this then she probably didn't understand good enough that this is now a rule for everyone. I would be grateful if my school would be that creative to teach kids responsibility. But since your daughter doesn't like it. Maybe she can give something else that is valuable enough for her (as for the teacher as well then) so the headphones get back, maybe you can come to an agreement with the school instead of asking only what they think about it lol