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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Our society just doesn’t work for women

169 replies

Ozanj · 23/09/2021 10:40

Not really an aibu but I am horrified by the Sabina Nessa murder. She was killed by a random stranger during a 5 min walk to meet a friend at 8 fucking 30 in the evening. What the fuck is this? Do we as women now need to hide ourselves away from 5pm to be safe?

OP posts:
NewIdeasToday · 23/09/2021 10:54

This case is incredibly sad. But I’m afraid your post is a complete over reaction and that is the last thing that women should do.

PumpkinsAndCats · 23/09/2021 10:56

Do we know it was a stranger? Sorry just asking because I thought they were unaware who it was just yet.

Shmithecat2 · 23/09/2021 11:02

@Ozanj

Not really an aibu but I am horrified by the Sabina Nessa murder. She was killed by a random stranger during a 5 min walk to meet a friend at 8 fucking 30 in the evening. What the fuck is this? Do we as women now need to hide ourselves away from 5pm to be safe?
No, we shouldn't have to hide ourselves away, but I guarantee that's what we'll be advised to do - we'll be told how to up our safety, awareness, minimise danger etc. But I can guarantee that there won't be any requests aimed at men to STOP MURDERING WOMEN. YANBU.
Ponoka7 · 23/09/2021 11:05

I think we need to wait to see who is convicted for this and the circumstances surrounding it.

thepeopleversuswork · 23/09/2021 11:06

You're right that these cases generally lead to an outpouring of "stay safe" advice. As if it was our fucking responsibility to stop them raping and murdering us. See also Sarah Everard.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/09/2021 11:08

Seems a tad extreme post- the same could be said in response to every teen stabbing, a daily occurrence in London

grapewine · 23/09/2021 11:08

No, we shouldn't have to hide ourselves away, but I guarantee that's what we'll be advised to do - we'll be told how to up our safety, awareness, minimise danger etc. But I can guarantee that there won't be any requests aimed at men to STOP MURDERING WOMEN. YANBU.

Exactly. So depressing.

Movingsoon21 · 23/09/2021 11:10

Not extreme at all. We urgently need to look at ways to curb male violence (against both men and women).

EerieSilence · 23/09/2021 11:12

@NewIdeasToday - as a female jogger, I've been chased by complete strangers, on foot and even in a jeep, almost pushed under an incoming lorry, hackled, yelled at.
My only mistake was to be outside early in the morning and being a female. I was running through a town, not even some dark and abandoned park, I wasn't dressed in revealing clothes (I prefer tracksuit bottoms and a baggy jacket while running), I wasn't trying to attract any kind of attention to myself.
As long as we accept the fact that men have the right to "appreciate" any member of opposite sex by having fun at their expense, yelling, whistling at them, enjoying the look of fear (or even simply acknowledgment that we saw them) on women's faces, we won't ever be safe. The role of a male as a predator is widely accepted in this society and it starts with the upbringing.
Change that, you can change the world.

ShaneTheThird · 23/09/2021 11:14

@Ponoka7

I think we need to wait to see who is convicted for this and the circumstances surrounding it.
Why? Are you suggesting there might be a good reason she was murdered?
HarrietsChariot · 23/09/2021 11:16

The OP said it was a random stranger. We don't know who it was yet.

The OP is right that society doesn't work for women, but actually, it doesn't work for anyone other than the super-rich. Everyone else gets screwed over to a lesser or greater extent, the murder victim obviously being at the greater end of the scale.

CovidPassQuestion · 23/09/2021 11:19

Shane- it could be she knew her attacker. For all we know they could have stalked her, or be an ex, there haven't been many details released (rightly so, she deserves privacy and dignity) so all is speculation at the moment.

TonyThreePies · 23/09/2021 11:19

Men should stop home after 5pm then we could walk freely.

PumpkinsAndCats · 23/09/2021 11:21

I don’t think the poster is saying that at all, I asked the same as it makes a massive difference if the person was known to her, doesn’t make it any less sad but I was lead to believe random attacks from strangers are very rare so it’s more likely she knew the person in some way and that doesn’t make it less tragic but it does change the situation.

Moonmelodies · 23/09/2021 11:22

You are far more likely to be murdered if you are a man, no?

MostlyHappyMummy · 23/09/2021 11:25

@moonmelodies by another man

PumpkinsAndCats · 23/09/2021 11:27

By men though not by women so what’s your point?

x2boys · 23/09/2021 11:30

@TonyThreePies

Men should stop home after 5pm then we could walk freely.
What about shift workers,men picking their kids up etc?
RinkyStinky1 · 23/09/2021 11:37

@PumpkinsAndCats

By men though not by women so what’s your point?
Exactly. The internalised misogyny being displayed on this thread right now is unbelievable.
Lasttimeneveragain · 23/09/2021 11:39

@Ponoka7

I think we need to wait to see who is convicted for this and the circumstances surrounding it.
Why do you say this? Did you say the same thing about Sarah Evarard? Or do you presume that Asian women are only ever victims of so called honour based violence and not randomly raped and murdered?

Statistically, most people ARE murdered by someone known to them. But I've seen one too many people presume he facts with this particular case based purely on the victims ethnicity.

HarebrightCedarmoon · 23/09/2021 11:42

I doubt it was someone completed unknown to her.

Shmithecat2 · 23/09/2021 11:43

@x2boys

What about shift workers,men picking their kids up etc

I believe that @TonyThreePies was being facetious to make a point. And your response confirmed that. Women will be told to alter their behaviour because of male violence, and somehow that's acceptable, but if men were, all the whataboutery/reasons why they possibly can't kicks in. Can you not see how wrong that is?

dameofdilemma · 23/09/2021 11:45

"As long as we accept the fact that men have the right to "appreciate" any member of opposite sex by having fun at their expense, yelling, whistling at them, enjoying the look of fear (or even simply acknowledgment that we saw them) on women's faces, we won't ever be safe."

This.

I saw a great poster at a local school recently, saying sexual harassment is NOT 'boys will be boys'. The endless victim blaming of women for the behaviour of men has to stop.

And yes, there are other terrible crimes happening too but it isn't a case of not objecting to one type of behaviour just because there are other vile behaviours around too.

sst1234 · 23/09/2021 11:48

While this is a very sad case, what is the point of your post, OP? Are other societies safer for women? If so, where is this utopia you speak of? And this is very very very rare, so you are being totally hyperbolic.

LukeEvansWife · 23/09/2021 11:51

Perhaps people who have sons could teach not to rape, murder etc? I know its drastic but it may well work.

Certainly could work better that the current way