Our society just doesn’t work for women

[Ozanj]

Not really an aibu but I am horrified by the Sabina Nessa murder. She was killed by a random stranger during a 5 min walk to meet a friend at 8 fucking 30 in the evening. What the fuck is this? Do we as women now need to hide ourselves away from 5pm to be safe?

How do we know a random stranger killed her? Has he been caught?

The trouble is that even though this is very rare, if a woman is murdered at random just for living her life it makes all women afraid. Men get murdered too, but it is more likely to be in some sort of predictable context (e.g. gang war, pub brawl), so they are much less likely to feel afraid just living ordinary lives. It's a form of terrorism for women.

Then go start a thread about men murdering men. Why do people feel the need to make threads like this about men?!?!

Because it affect's men too. Teenage boys stabbed to death. A lone man leaving a pub and looks at another man by mistake etc. Most deaths in city centres at night are against men.

It is not helpful to say women are more vulnerable than men against male violence. How is that going to find any solutions?

@LukeEvansWife

No but see my previous post about the lad who hit his mother.

Interesting that people are assuming I think the mothers need to do it. That said a lot about how people think.

It's actually Fathers who have a greater role in steering them away from toxic masculinity.

Most fathers must do a good job then because most men are not violent. However, if you have a violent father they will incapable of steering their sons away from 'toxic masculinity', therefore even though it's a minority there is always going to boys that head doen this path because how else can there not be? There's no place in the world where there isn't a level of human violence.

@wolfstarling

Then go start a thread about men murdering men. Why do people feel the need to make threads like this about men?!?!

Because it affect's men too. Teenage boys stabbed to death. A lone man leaving a pub and looks at another man by mistake etc. Most deaths in city centres at night are against men.

It is not helpful to say women are more vulnerable than men against male violence. How is that going to find any solutions?

I'm not saying murder doesn't affect men. But this thread is about a woman being murdered. Again, why does it have to be all about male victims? Go start a thread about male victims. This is about a woman.

Agree with wolf

@ScaryHairyMcClary

The trouble is that even though this is very rare, if a woman is murdered at random just for living her life it makes all women afraid. Men get murdered too, but it is more likely to be in some sort of predictable context (e.g. gang war, pub brawl), so they are much less likely to feel afraid just living ordinary lives. It's a form of terrorism for women.

Honestly it doesn't. Men have always murdered random women. I can't see that we are under any more threat than 10, 20, 40 years ago.

Most fathers must do a good job then because most men are not violent. However, if you have a violent father they will incapable of steering their sons away from 'toxic masculinity', therefore even though it's a minority there is always going to boys that head doen this path because how else can there not be? There's no place in the world where there isn't a level of human violence.

If most men are not violent, then people have to accept that it is a minority that do these awful things. And you are right about human violence - it will always be there.

@LukeEvansWife

Perhaps people who have sons could teach not to rape, murder etc? I know its drastic but it may well work.

Certainly could work better that the current way

And we do. We teach our sons to overtake lone women on the other side of the street, to show them respect and to take any steps possible to make them feel safe. The vast majority of them have got the memo. It’s still putting the responsibility on women because, on the whole, we’re the ones doing the teaching.

The other week I walked the dog alone in some isolated woods and suddenly thought what a stupid idea it was. I was painting a target on my back. I won’t be doing it again. The responsibility for keeping women safe lies with all of us.

@Moonmelodies

You are far more likely to be murdered if you are a man, no?

By another man. So men are still the problem.

I think we need to wait to see who is convicted for this and the circumstances surrounding it.

Why? What difference would that make?

What a depressing thread.

Whenever women try to bring up violence against women, specifically, it all gets brushed under the rug as ''well, it happens to everybody too''

Being assaulted by a male who is a stranger to you is not as uncommon as people like to say it is. Ask me how I know.

It’s still putting the responsibility on women because, on the whole, we’re the ones doing the teaching.

Well that is up to you and your family dynamic. I would think it would be more effective coming from the fathers (if they are around).

Either way, something is going wrong and men are murdering men and women.

@SpudleyLass

What a depressing thread.

Whenever women try to bring up violence against women, specifically, it all gets brushed under the rug as ''well, it happens to everybody too''

Being assaulted by a male who is a stranger to you is not as uncommon as people like to say it is. Ask me how I know.

I have been assaulted by a person I knew and one I didn't. But going round assuming there is a murderer around every corner is no way to live a life.

and what will actually happen is that everyone will be up in arms for a few weeks about this, and then it will go quiet until the next high profile case.

@LukeEvansWife

It’s still putting the responsibility on women because, on the whole, we’re the ones doing the teaching.

Well that is up to you and your family dynamic. I would think it would be more effective coming from the fathers (if they are around).

Either way, something is going wrong and men are murdering men and women.

I was a single mother. Of course it was down to me. Added to which, they’re far more likely to listen to the person who’s experienced the utter terror of a woman hearing footsteps coming up behind them on a deserted street.

However those saying "oh yes well I suppose it is up to the mother to do it" - well yes If you want to explain it from the point of view of being a woman

@SpudleyLass

What a depressing thread.

Whenever women try to bring up violence against women, specifically, it all gets brushed under the rug as ''well, it happens to everybody too''

Being assaulted by a male who is a stranger to you is not as uncommon as people like to say it is. Ask me how I know.

Indeed. It goes hand in hand with #notallmen and #alllivesmatter. 🙄

I think the point of the post is to rage, as every woman should, against the murder of yet another of our kind.

We all need to let our anger and grief, our outrage, be heard.

As long as women are snidely picking at each other instead of focusing on the actual problem, we will continue to be victims.

Men are killing us. Men are raping us. Men are terrorising us, oppressing us, making household slaves of us, intruding on our private spaces, financially abusing us (even at government level), mocking us. And laughing amongst themselves because it's all such a good joke.

Mothers, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, wives, colleagues, friends ... rage! Rage now! Make it known to every man and boy that abuse of women and girls will not be tolerated. Make it known to politicians, lawyers and especially judges that we intend to see prosecutions, convictions and sentences that are enough to deter others from committing future offences.

If you're not angry, you should be. Every woman who thinks 'My man/son/brother wouldn't do that only means 'He hasn't done it yet.'

Every woman matters. Every girl matters. Stop carping at each other and join the howl of indignation that once again, a woman has been harmed by a man.

@DoesHePlayTheFiddle

I think the point of the post is to rage, as every woman should, against the murder of yet another of our kind.

We all need to let our anger and grief, our outrage, be heard.

As long as women are snidely picking at each other instead of focusing on the actual problem, we will continue to be victims.

Men are killing us. Men are raping us. Men are terrorising us, oppressing us, making household slaves of us, intruding on our private spaces, financially abusing us (even at government level), mocking us. And laughing amongst themselves because it's all such a good joke.

Mothers, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, wives, colleagues, friends ... rage! Rage now! Make it known to every man and boy that abuse of women and girls will not be tolerated. Make it known to politicians, lawyers and especially judges that we intend to see prosecutions, convictions and sentences that are enough to deter others from committing future offences.

If you're not angry, you should be. Every woman who thinks 'My man/son/brother wouldn't do that only means 'He hasn't done it yet.'

Every woman matters. Every girl matters. Stop carping at each other and join the howl of indignation that once again, a woman has been harmed by a man.

Sing it, sister.

There are so many murders lately. All sorts children, families, women, man. This is horrible.

@DoesHePlayTheFiddle

I think the point of the post is to rage, as every woman should, against the murder of yet another of our kind.

We all need to let our anger and grief, our outrage, be heard.

As long as women are snidely picking at each other instead of focusing on the actual problem, we will continue to be victims.

Men are killing us. Men are raping us. Men are terrorising us, oppressing us, making household slaves of us, intruding on our private spaces, financially abusing us (even at government level), mocking us. And laughing amongst themselves because it's all such a good joke.

Mothers, sisters, daughters, girlfriends, wives, colleagues, friends ... rage! Rage now! Make it known to every man and boy that abuse of women and girls will not be tolerated. Make it known to politicians, lawyers and especially judges that we intend to see prosecutions, convictions and sentences that are enough to deter others from committing future offences.

If you're not angry, you should be. Every woman who thinks 'My man/son/brother wouldn't do that only means 'He hasn't done it yet.'

Every woman matters. Every girl matters. Stop carping at each other and join the howl of indignation that once again, a woman has been harmed by a man.

Yes, this

The other week I walked the dog alone in some isolated woods and suddenly thought what a stupid idea it was. I was painting a target on my back. I won’t be doing it again. The responsibility for keeping women safe lies with all of us

Ay, there's the rub. Despite all the comments about men being the more likely victims of random strangers, women are supposed to stay at home to avoid trouble, whereas that is never expected of men.

@Coyoacan

The other week I walked the dog alone in some isolated woods and suddenly thought what a stupid idea it was. I was painting a target on my back. I won’t be doing it again. The responsibility for keeping women safe lies with all of us

Ay, there's the rub. Despite all the comments about men being the more likely victims of random strangers, women are supposed to stay at home to avoid trouble, whereas that is never expected of men.

This is what frustrates me. So we what finish before 5pm? But no, women get murdered during the daylight too. So what, do we now not work? But wait SAHM are most likely to face dv and guess what? Also get murdered. So what do I do to protect myself short of buying a desert island? But wait…why do I even have to protect myself? Why can’t the police do it?

I am so angry right now because this young girl looks just like my neice, and I really don’t want her to end up as yet another statistic / DM story but there is nothing I can do to protect her while society encourages men to become the worst toxic versions of themselves.

@Coyoacan

The other week I walked the dog alone in some isolated woods and suddenly thought what a stupid idea it was. I was painting a target on my back. I won’t be doing it again. The responsibility for keeping women safe lies with all of us

Ay, there's the rub. Despite all the comments about men being the more likely victims of random strangers, women are supposed to stay at home to avoid trouble, whereas that is never expected of men.

Well, not exactly stay at home but I’ll be walking her in less isolated spots when I’m alone. We’ve always walked in those woods with my adult son before and it felt fine. But, yes, you’re right.