Can I wear this if I'm a SAHM ?

[baggingareaunattended]

There's a few tees I like, not so keen on the girl slogan ones as I'm a women, but I like this one and the WOMAN one .. but would I be a bit of a contradiction? As it goes I'm not married, but I'm technically engaged 😬

thespark.company/collections/feminist-t-shirts/products/on-wednesdays-we-smash-the-patriarchy-fitted-v-neck-t-shirt

@MitfordBlisters
I admit I did not watch it to the end. It was so horrible I stopped watching after the bus incident.

@Mrsfrumble very true. I'm actually a SAHM because I want to spend time with my children, whilst they are young. My DS needed a lot of support starting school and as a result is doing really well. Oh and I had a second child too, so that adds to the complexity and cost of childcare. I would be much richer and have tops without holes if I worked. I had a high paid job ( higher paid than my DP before kids) and as a result we have a massive mortgage for a modest house in the SE, but we scrape by. There is never enough money and we run up debts and cut corners to pay things off. I will probably go back to work full time when DC2 is in school, but my DP works very long hours so it's tricky. It depends on how I think she will cope with after school club/ childminder. I know that my parents were very absent after school for me and it certainly affected my ability and no opportunity for activities, so for example I never learnt to swim or went to Brownies.

I don’t think it matters why women choose to be SAHMs, the fact that they have a choice is feminist in itself. I don’t view choosing to be a SAHM as “unfeminist” in fact in today’s society it takes courage to value and dedicate a good chunk of your life to the historically undervalued “women’s work” of raising the next generation of human beings. That’s thumbing your nose at the patriarchy as much as being first female CEO of a major corporation.

@DontBuyANewMumCashmere where my DP works it's not set hours. I don't particularly care about him furthering his career, as he's not going to do anything different in future, but he never has to thinks about childcare, he can't say no in his industry so it's very helpful for him by default. I think others in his industry with working partners have Nannies or grandparents where the kids sleep over. One I know their child sleeps at the grandparents mon- fri morning. And I certainly know many trailing spouses ( both female & male) from my time in corporate land, so people do it.

I wouldn't, I find this kind of slogan tee cringe worthy. There are nicer ones like the strong girls club ones though.

the fact that they have a choice is feminist in itself.

But if you use that choice to make decisions that undermine feminist goals (e.g. equality of opportunity for women in the workplace), then it cannot possibly be feminist.

It’s true that decisions are nuanced and the reasons are not always made from a place of true choice. But regardless of the reasons, if you find yourself perpetuating sex-based stereotypes then you can hardly claim to be smashing the patriarchy!

Anyone who needs to get a message across by wearing it on a T shirt is intruding on my personal space. I don't want to know about your shit thanks.
It's nice on a child but not on an adult. Grow up

@baggingareaunattended

If you were the higher earner and your son needed parental support when young, why didn’t your partner become a SAHD?

The usual reason given is that it’s the women who earns less so it ‘makes sense’ for her to give up her job and SAH.

The fact that you now get into debt to get by is frankly crazy and coupled with the fact that you aren’t married so have none of the legal protections of that should the relationship end, you’re making yourself incredibly vulnerable.

How sad that being the only person who is willing and able to support your child apparently means inadvertently supporting the patriarchy.

It wasn’t clear from your post whether you’re a single parent, but if not, why isn’t your child’s father ‘willing and able to support’ them?

As pointed out by @CorrBlimeyGG this is from The Spark Company. I bought one of their other products and wanting to support a feminist company I followed them on SM.

Turns out they don't know what a woman actually is (which imo is fairly important if you claim to be a feminist company) so I won't be buying from them again. Not least because the t-shirt I bought was fairly poor quality. Such a shame.

I think you can wear whatever you like

I buy a fair few slogan t shirts for my children

I had no idea that they were being taken so literally!

@FloconDeNeige

How sad that being the only person who is willing and able to support your child apparently means inadvertently supporting the patriarchy.

It wasn’t clear from your post whether you’re a single parent, but if not, why isn’t your child’s father ‘willing and able to support’ them?

I wasn’t speaking from a place of personal experience - I do have child with SN but am fortunate enough to be in a position to work now - but the stark statistic I’ve seen quoted in various places is that only 20% of mothers of children with SN / disabilities are able to work outside the home. I don’t what the statistic is for fathers, but I do know that parenting a child with SN puts an unusual amount of strain on a marriage, so maybe they are single mothers? Or the other parent is working full time to support the family?

I think the point is that it highlights the lack of support available for these families in terms of no suitable childcare (and often no full time school places), respite, flexible working options etc. Personally I’m cross enough about that without getting into why women are usually the “default parent”. I think improving that support would “level the playing field” much more effectively than telling women - who already do the bloody hard job of full-time caring - that they can’t smash the patriarchy because they aren’t also a CEO.

@FloconDeNeige because I gave birth, you need time off for recovery and I want to be with my children, my DP didn't. I have no worries about my finances, if we were to spilt I would be absolutely fine because I am a capable person. I would move somewhere cheaper. I don't live where I grew up, I'm happy to start again, again. I would do whatever needed. We jointly own the house and we have wills, life insurance and all that jazz. Also honestly if someone wanted to poach DP good luck. When you have a partner that works incredibly long hours you rely on yourself so that side of it is fine for me. I hate all this MN you need to be married, why? Why am I financially vulnerable? I have my own account, we have a joint accountant, a joint mortgage. Bills in both our names. I could get a job tomorrow, I would do whatever and have in the past IF I have to. I don't have to now, we make it work. I'm happy with that.

@AgnesWaterhouse1566 yes I agree. I was judging the product, but I wouldn't want people in the know to be assuming that my beliefs are the same as the company that made it by wearing it. So I won't be buying it after all.

@Doghairismyglitter I was joking! It is from mean girls.

@baggingareaunattended

It’s difficult to get back into the workplace with a career gap in general, so if you think you could pick up where you left off, you’d be very likely mistaken.

What about your pension, OP?

@FloconDeNeige yes I have a pension I pay into every month, just as DP does as he's self employed. Thanks for your concern. I was and have always been a contractor, so no company pension in past 30 years. I wouldn't expect to go in at the same level, but it is easy to work your way up quickly and I have done so in the past.

20 years even ... I'm in my 40s

@FloconDeNeige

the fact that they have a choice is feminist in itself.

But if you use that choice to make decisions that undermine feminist goals (e.g. equality of opportunity for women in the workplace), then it cannot possibly be feminist.

It’s true that decisions are nuanced and the reasons are not always made from a place of true choice. But regardless of the reasons, if you find yourself perpetuating sex-based stereotypes then you can hardly claim to be smashing the patriarchy!

Choosing to be a SAHM doesn’t undermine feminist goals.

Look there’s two sides to the patriarchy. The first is all the big man jobs, and political power being in hands of men.

The second side of the patriarchy is the devaluation and scorn towards everything not designated a big man job and abnegation of political power.

A woman choosing the big man job is smashing the patriarchy

A woman who is capable of a big man job but chooses to ignore the patriarchy’s devaluation and scorn, and create value and importance in nonbig man jobs is also smashing the patriarchy.

Feminism isn’t just about women doing what only men used to do. It is also about dismantling their entire patriarchal hierarchy as to what is valuable and important to society.

So, yes even adhering to traditional sex based roles can still be smashing the patriarchy because she is dismantling their man job important hierarchy.

OP of course you can wear the T-shirt and certainly not hypercritical based on you being a SAHP.

Ignore all the other nonsense as a PP stated anything with SAHP in the title is like a siren going off to some, it's irrelevant of the question the answer is always ridiculous and derailing answers.

PlanDeRaccordement - you speak a lot of sense but sadly, some women can only see the world in very binary terms ie, career=feminist, SAHM=non-feminist.

I totally agree with you as I know full-well I could have had the career and all that razzmatazz. But, when my children came along, I WANTED something different FOR ME. It’s 100% a choice that I owned and still do. I don’t measure my self-worth in the same way as some women do on here. I certainly don’t measure my self-worth in relation to men! I just live the life of my choice as suits me as far as possible ( which also coincides with what I think is best for my family).

If I was forced to be a SAHM, that would be different. But that did not happen. I know someone will now come on with the ‘no choice is made in a vacuum’ line and, yes, I totally accept that. I am as aware of the lack of a vacuum as much as the next person. I can only be honest with myself. If I made the choice to work (which I could do), well, you could also say that choice is ‘never made in a vacuum.’ Most women in the U.K. in 2021 have no choice but to work anyway and that’s that. Most households need to incomes these days as costs of living are constantly rising.

@fiveinfulham
Thank you for that, nice to not be only one who thinks this way.

@PlanDeRaccordement

I don’t think it matters why women choose to be SAHMs, the fact that they have a choice is feminist in itself. I don’t view choosing to be a SAHM as “unfeminist” in fact in today’s society it takes courage to value and dedicate a good chunk of your life to the historically undervalued “women’s work” of raising the next generation of human beings. That’s thumbing your nose at the patriarchy as much as being first female CEO of a major corporation.

This x 100. My being a SAHM has nothing to do with my DH's career. Nor does it diminish my status as a feminist. OP wear what you like

I love it, I want one.