Can I wear this if I'm a SAHM ?

[baggingareaunattended]

There's a few tees I like, not so keen on the girl slogan ones as I'm a women, but I like this one and the WOMAN one .. but would I be a bit of a contradiction? As it goes I'm not married, but I'm technically engaged 😬

thespark.company/collections/feminist-t-shirts/products/on-wednesdays-we-smash-the-patriarchy-fitted-v-neck-t-shirt

I just personally disliked the vulnerability of not being able to rely on myself

Which is respected as a personal preference and everyone is entitled to that
But you didnt you come on and try to drag other women down because you dont deem them feminist enough because of their choices and that itself is just plain wrong.

But you weren’t really a SAHM though, so I’m not surprised you didn’t consider yourself vulnerable in the same way.

If that’s how you defined yourself and you felt secure, then that’s good for you, but many SAHMs do risk their own and their children’s financial security unfortunately.

I do think that there’s something in the idea of being a SAHM to support a husband’s career progression though. That’s upholding the patriarchy and is inherently un-feminist.

Eh?! I can't imagine many SAHMs decide to do so solely to support a husband's career progression it's to be home with their DC. There's nothing "unfeminist" about wanting to spend your days with your children - that's patriarchal talk. It says the only valuable contribution to society is traditional male patterns of work and the idea that women need to act like men to be proper feminists is laughable and often does a disservice to women and children and serves only to pit women against each other (SAHM vs WOHM) instead of joining forces for the advancement of ALL women.

OP wear the damn t-shirt if you like it!

How was I not a SAHM? I left work at 31. My husband and I are a team. Yes he generates the money but, over the years, we’ve decided on investments etc and the renovations were a part of that. I never thought of myself as a property developers it was nuts like I kept an eye out and it was just something on the side when I had the energy to do it. I also did a mini running club at one point, but I was hardly a ‘fitness instructor.’ It was more a hobby really. You don’t literally have to stay indoors to be a SAHM.

more like - not ‘nuts’ sorry.

@readwhatiactuallysay

The crux of the matter is that staying at home long-term and choosing not to work is not ‘smashing the patriarchy’. And it’s disingenuous to suggest that doing so advances female equality in an equal way to women working and supporting themselves.

That’s it. And it’s quite rich to suggest that I’m trying to drag people down when others have trawled my posting history and attempted to throw it at me, have tried to paint my husband as unsupportive and me and jealous/obsessed/ashamed/whatever.

A fundamental component of being an adult is supporting yourself. That is neither patriarchal, feminist nor capitalist. Women who work are not ‘acting like men’ because working is not a inherently male activity. The patriarchy have succeeded in blocking women’s access to employment and financial emancipation until relatively recently.

And with that, I’m going to bed 🛌

@FloconDeNeige no the crux of it now, is that you are judging others on here and dragging them down because you dont deem their choices feminist enough, that is not on and should not still be happening, its ludicrous.

Asking you to clarify your many points is not dragging you down, making assumptions isnt dragging you down, if as you claim they are incorrect , but to group a whole load of woman together based on one choice in common and pass judgment on them negatively, is dragging them down.

But don't be pointing your bitterness towards the women who just want to spend a little more time with their kids, its a valid choice and not the root of the problem.

A fundamental component of being an adult is supporting yourself

Did you stop being an adult when your DH supported you?

women who work are not ‘acting like men’ because working is not a inherently male activity

Im not sure anyone suggested otherwise 🙄

The patriarchy have succeeded in blocking women’s access to employment and financial emancipation until relatively recently

Yes, So find a way to aim your frustation and bitterness their way, not at a woman who just wants a little more time with their kids FGS.

A fundamental component of being an adult is supporting yourself.

And a fundamental component of parenting is supporting your children. Most women chose to be at home to do so. In my case working full time with a baby meant a child in childcare from dawn to dusk - such a feminista I was though smashing that patriarchy all the way.

Wear it if you like it.

As for women doubting the ability of being a SAHM and smashing the patriarchy, it's worth remembering that 54,000 women a year are pushed out of the workplace and childcare is more than £14,000 year for one child. Sure you can maybe work for free or a couple of hundred quid a month, but that ain't smashing the patriarchy either, it's just playing their game.

Financial independence isn't doing your bit, it's doing your bit for yourself and your family. Nothing wrong with it but feminism isn't just about paying the bills, it about wanting better for all women and recognising that few of us have the choices we'd really want to have.

But I don’t feel dependant on dh. Honestly. If anything he’s more dependant on me. Emotions are deeper than money.

Well said Blahglah.

Being a feminist or not isn’t as simple as whether you work or not. As long as people are having children, they are going to need to find ways of taking care of those children. Rather than damning SAHMs for choosing to provide that care themselves, we should be viewing traditionally ‘woman’s’ work as a vital and essential part of our economy instead of expecting it to just happen behind the scenes.

Why is it that if you look after someone else’s children as a nanny or childminder or a nursery nurse that’s seen as a career, worthy of payment, but if you look after your own children it’s ‘staying at home’ and letting the side down?

Added to that, as Blahglah says, a lot of the SAHMs I know didn’t entirely choose that life, but were essentially forced out of their jobs or passed over for promotion after they returned from maternity leave, having their ‘commitment’ to the role questioned because they had to leave on time for school pickup, or because the cost of childcare plus commuting made it prohibitively expensive for them to continue working. It makes me so sad but I see those women as victims of the patriarchy, not traitors who are upholding it.

I would like to see couples be able to make a meaningful choice about how to care for their children that doesn’t inevitably mean the career of one partner (almost always the woman) going down the toilet against their wishes. There are a lot of factors involved in making that happen but properly valuing the unpaid labour that millions of people, mainly women, are doing every day and seeing it as essential to our economy, instead of a cop-out, would be a good start.