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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he is a bit cheeky or is this ok for you?

178 replies

astarisworn · 22/09/2021 18:09

Partner of 18 months asked me to borrow £150 for a week ,as he got his pay date wrong.
I'm a little Confused. He's never asked to borrow from me before. A man of 45, good job but a lot of outgoings in rent/ maintenance/ travel. He has had some Unexpected expenses this month I guess.
AIBU to think he's a bit cheeky?

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 22/09/2021 18:11

Why do you think it's cheeky? I've just done exactly the same so am borrowing some money off my son.

psbradio2 · 22/09/2021 18:12

Not really. Your his partner why wouldn't he ask to borrow money as a one off?

Original poster
astarisworn · 22/09/2021 18:13

I guess I'm not used to that.

OP posts:
Yummypumpkin · 22/09/2021 18:13

Who do you want him to ask instead?

Ohdoleavemealone · 22/09/2021 18:14

Only if his plan for it is to piss it up the wall.

Cocomarine · 22/09/2021 18:14

Not cheeky to ask because why wouldn’t you turn to a partner of 18 months?
I’d be more concerned that a 45yo in a good job couldn’t carry themselves through £150 for a week though.

Gorl · 22/09/2021 18:14

After 18 months I think it’s fine. It’s obviously not a regular occurrence and after that long I’d expect you both to be willing to have a bit of give and take to support one another.

Original poster
astarisworn · 22/09/2021 18:15

I guess I had thought he would have had rainy day money.

OP posts:
PoolNooodle · 22/09/2021 18:15

Cheeky imo but then I never ask to borrow money personally.

namechangetheworld · 22/09/2021 18:15

After 18 months it's perfectly normal. And you're not obligated to say yes.

UrbanRambler · 22/09/2021 18:16

It's cheeky if he earns a lot more than you but has just been a bit careless and overspent. Do you suspect he's not being truthful about his cash flow problem? It doesn't sound very plausible to me, and if he's lying about that then perhaps he can't be trusted.

If he's normally trustworthy and honest then it would be nice of you to help him out, and it's normal for long term partners to do this sort of thing, but only if they trust each other.

FinallyHere · 22/09/2021 18:16

Not cheeky. More worrying that he can get such an important date wrong and that he has seemingly do little in reserve.

In these days of credit cards and food banks, I would not expect him to need to borrow from anyone, especially not for such a 'routine' reason.

It would make me feel slightly uneasy. It would be important to me that he commits to and does pay me back as soon as he is paid. And that he builds up a cushion of cash so it doesn't happen again.

I would, I'm afraid, think less of him because of it. I would also not do it a second time.

girlmom21 · 22/09/2021 18:17

@astarisworn

I guess I had thought he would have had rainy day money.
This sounds like you're more worried he doesn't have savings.

He may do but they may be a last resort.

Original poster
astarisworn · 22/09/2021 18:18

I earn more than him and he's never asked before.
His son started uni this month so his outgoings were much bigger than usual.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 22/09/2021 18:18

Assuming you are not scraping by yourself I think it is fine. 18 months is a serious relationship in my book.

Is the issue that you are worried about his finances? I can sort of see that I'd expect most 45 you to have some savings available for emergencies. Are you much the higher earner?

PersonaNonGarter · 22/09/2021 18:19

Not cheeky - but a massive concern. 45 and can’t manage his money.

Original poster
astarisworn · 22/09/2021 18:19

I know he has emergency savings but he has those for absolute emergencies ... life and death type emergencies.
He needs to sort himself out financially.

OP posts:
Mrstamborineman · 22/09/2021 18:20

Never a lender or borrower be. I would think the same as you, he has no back up plan. Well he does now. He has you. What happens if he returns loan on time but then can’t afford to go out or do anything? You going to pay for it all whilst he plays catch up?

PersonaNonGarter · 22/09/2021 18:20

Emergency savings it is then - not you.

Yes, cheeky AF. Use savings.

FelicityBeedle · 22/09/2021 18:21

@FinallyHere
You don’t just rock up to a foodbank you know, not do they pay your bills

Macncheeseballs · 22/09/2021 18:21

Yes it is a bit cheeky

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2021 18:22

I think the asking is fine but I would also be concerned about a 45 year old so skint he couldn’t get to the end of the month without borrowing.

For some folks though money isn’t relevant and they don’t care if their partner is skint but for me, unless it’s a job loss or signficant event then I personally wouldn’t wish to be with someone who couldn’t manage their finances better.

He is clearly totally on the bones of his arse.

I’d watch to make sure he pays it back and this doesn’t become a regular thing of you subbing him.

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2021 18:22

@astarisworn

I know he has emergency savings but he has those for absolute emergencies ... life and death type emergencies. He needs to sort himself out financially.
I doubt he has op. I suspect he’s got no money at all.
seensome · 22/09/2021 18:24

It would put me off having a LTR with someone that had to borrow money and once you've lent once you could become his bank, I would say no.

MrsRobbieHart · 22/09/2021 18:26

I think this is a classic example of misuse of the word partner. You clearly aren’t partners.

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