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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he is a bit cheeky or is this ok for you?

178 replies

astarisworn · 22/09/2021 18:09

Partner of 18 months asked me to borrow £150 for a week ,as he got his pay date wrong.
I'm a little Confused. He's never asked to borrow from me before. A man of 45, good job but a lot of outgoings in rent/ maintenance/ travel. He has had some Unexpected expenses this month I guess.
AIBU to think he's a bit cheeky?

OP posts:
Cocomarine · 22/09/2021 18:26

@astarisworn

I know he has emergency savings but he has those for absolute emergencies ... life and death type emergencies. He needs to sort himself out financially.
What exactly do you mean by your last sentence?

That because of this one incident, he needs to sort himself out? Or that was your general assessment before?

The only time it would be OK not to use his emergency savings, would be if he didn’t have an instant access account. Though you’re still not obligated.

So he has no instant access savings, no overdraft facility, no credit card…?

MajorCarolDanvers · 22/09/2021 18:27

Is it a partnership or not? If he is your 'partner' then I really don't get the problem

PersonaNonGarter · 22/09/2021 18:27

It’s about respect - he has money but he wants to use yours first. Nope.

How did it come up, OP?

LukeEvansWife · 22/09/2021 18:31

It seems a bit odd - who does he expect you to borrow it from?

Cocomarine · 22/09/2021 18:32

@LukeEvansWife

It seems a bit odd - who does he expect you to borrow it from?
He hasn’t asked her to borrow it from anyone.
Bluntness100 · 22/09/2021 18:32

@MrsRobbieHart

I think this is a classic example of misuse of the word partner. You clearly aren’t partners.
Miaow.

If she doesn’t live with him and she doesn’t share finances which she’s not really specified but she can still call him partner and not expect to sub him and expect him to be able to stand on his own two feet.

I think some folks are projecting maybe they need their partner to give them money.

Dddccc · 22/09/2021 18:33
Biscuit
Bluntness100 · 22/09/2021 18:33

He hasn’t asked her to borrow it from anyone

I think the poster is having a dig at the grammatical errors in the op.

Original poster
astarisworn · 22/09/2021 18:36

I understand that he's had a tough financial month and that he got his date wrong but I hope this is one off.I will give it to him and send my bank details with a note asking him
To text me when he transfers it .
He is very generous which I admire so maybe I need to put this down to a one off but watch it.

OP posts:
JustGiveMeGin · 22/09/2021 18:36

People can have cash flow problems at any age...I do think some m'netters live on a different planet sometimes.
OP explained his outgoings where much bigger this month and he doesn't have a gun to her head demanding the money. If the OP isn't comfortable lending him a relatively small amount then fair enough, she can say no.

AFuturisticalSound · 22/09/2021 18:37

@LukeEvansWife

It seems a bit odd - who does he expect you to borrow it from?
I was going to ask the same, why can't he go to that person directly? Why do you need to be involved? Can't a grown man sort out his own borrowings, I don't know about cheeky but it's a bit pathetic that you need to do it for him
GreyhoundG1rl · 22/09/2021 18:38

In these days of credit cards and food banks, I would not expect him to need to borrow from anyone, especially not for such a 'routine' reason.
You think he should have gone to a food bank because he'd mismanaged his money? You seriously think it's people like this that food banks are aimed at?

unlikelytobe · 22/09/2021 18:40

Do you trust him to pay it back?

WhyOhWhyOhWhyyyy · 22/09/2021 18:41

@AFuturisticalSound I think it’s quite obvious that he wants to borrow money from OP.

Original poster
astarisworn · 22/09/2021 18:42

I absolutely do trust him to pay me back.

OP posts:
Briony123 · 22/09/2021 18:43

@astarisworn

I earn more than him and he's never asked before. His son started uni this month so his outgoings were much bigger than usual.
He's going to have to adjust his lifestyle. His son's uni expenses will continue for the next 3 or 4 years.
SheABitSpicyToday · 22/09/2021 18:43

I don’t think it’s cheeky at all. He’s your partner isn’t he?

GreatPotato · 22/09/2021 18:43

I'd be worried about a grown man who's finances were so tight he needs to borrow £150 to meet regular expenses and one living in that situation who can't keep track of his pay date properly, but I don't necessarily think it's cheeky.

I'd hope a partner of 18 months would come to me if he'd got himself in a bind, although I'd expect him to use his "life or death" savings before coming to me. He can come to me when it's life or death.

Lulu1919 · 22/09/2021 18:44

45 year old in work hasn't got £150 in savings ?????

MrsRobbieHart · 22/09/2021 18:44

@Bluntness100 there was nothing catty about my post. If you have a partner, you’re in a partnership. People with a shared goal- in a romantic partnership that would be the shared goal of being happily together long term. If you can’t ask the person you are in a partnership with for help when you are struggling without being called cheeky then it’s not a partnership. That person has no interest in your well-being.

I think some folks are projecting maybe they need their partner to give them money.

I’m single so….

GabriellaMontez · 22/09/2021 18:45

Can you afford for him to not pay it back?
If so go ahead. I'd want to know when he can return it though...

But I think it's cheeky to ask you if he genuinely has emergency savings.

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2021 18:45

How does he not know when he’s getting paid? How do you get that wrong

But it shows he’s living hand to mouth.

MrsRobbieHart · 22/09/2021 18:46

And lots of these posts are incredibly insular. There are lots of 45 year olds out there who might find themselves unable to make two ends meet now and again. Only on MN is this a dumpable offence. Lots of you don’t live in the real world.

LukeEvansWife · 22/09/2021 18:47

@Lulu1919

45 year old in work hasn't got £150 in savings ?????
I'm older than him and work and have no savings.what's so shocking?
QuantumDog2 · 22/09/2021 18:50

Not cheeky in the slightest IMO. I borrow money off my partner all the time. I always give it back when I get paid despite him saying not to worry. but he literally bails me out every month.
If I was in a position to help him I would too. I think id be reconsidering the relationship if we weren't willing to help one another out.