To say no to 7 house guests?

[Bex09787]

I just preface this with saying I’m a bit of a natural introvert..I love socialising for limited periods of time but like to have my space too, especially at home. The problem is my husbands family live miles away which means visits are always extended (1 week or so stays). I know this is part and parcel of being married and I found it fine till we had kids really then I just find it a bit much looking after baby / toddler and guests.

My husbands family usually come in smaller groups but they’ve asked if 7 of them (inc two toddlers) can come for 3 nights...I’ve had to say no but I feel like they probably think I’m being difficult! I’m 8 mths pregnant so pretty shattered and have a 21 month old. We do have a big house but not big enough for that many of them so would mean blow up beds in living room and hallway...just seems a bit much!

Husband has said he’s fine to say no but he’s said he would say yes himself so of course has told them it’s me that doesn’t want them rather than being a united front!

You're not being at all unreasonable & well done for standing your ground but your husband is an utter dick for throwing you under the bus!

Why can’t they book an air b&b nearby and you can meet up for days out and meals out? Your dh is BU to expect his heavily pregnant wife to act as a hostess to 7 people, including 2 toddlers, whilst she also has to care for her own toddler. This is madness.

Your husband is a dick you have to entertain his parents wtf

Definitely stop entertaining them.

Go and have a lie down or anything else you want to do.

Absolutely not. God it's awful they think this is ok. Cheek

@astuz Genius ! You need to have a serious talk with dh! Good luck.

Here's what I would do:
Firstly, invite all 7 for that weekend.
Then run down every consumable in the house - from freezer & pantry contents to toilet paper.
Do not lift a single finger to help H prepare for their arrival. Even if he needs to do a shop, you'll be resting so he needs to do that shopping with DD in the trolley.
Then the day before they arrive, go to a 'midwife appointment' and check into a nice hotel. Ring H and tell him the hospital are keeping you in because of slightly high BP. No visitors or phone calls due to covid. And you need to turn your phone off due to the machines used by the other patients.
Put those feet up in a hotel and relax. Get lots of sleep. Leisurely baths. A massage or a facial. Watch cheesy sitcoms surrounded by crisp packets, read lots of books or trashy magazines - whatever your idea of total relaxation is, do that.
Return the day after the guests leave and make it clear you expect him to have the house pristine.
With luck he'll be so fucking shattered from the experience he'll think twice ever inviting the lot of them again.

Your DH is a cowardly twat.

They shouldn't ask this of you, not even 3 of them to stay at this late stage of your pregnancy. The YANBU vote speaks for itself, most reasonable people would agree with your point of view.

This brings back bad memories. WQe had lived away from our hometown for two years wil no visits from the IL's then MIL FIL,BIL and SIL decided they wanted to come down the week after DS was due. I had to point out to DH that if I was overdue I could be in hospital --and he wouldn't prepare beds or cook for them. I managed to put them off for a while nd DS was born 4 weeks early so they came when he was 6 weeks old

Yes life was a tad easier then but we had a 2 bed house so MIL and FIL slept in the dining room on a borrowed bed settee. They used to go to bed early and would start shagging with the bed knocking against the door between the lounge and dining room. BIL used to make his excuses and SIL and I would stifle giggles. I tried to get DH to deal with it but he was mortified

I was also BF so had good excuse to abandon everything to feed but they would all wait until I had finished rather than get on with dinner

I had 8 of my family to stay this summer (4 adults 4 DC aged 5 and under) I only survived it because it was my family so they all pitched in and my youngest DC was 3.5 so out of the crazy baby days. If it was my husbands family and all the domestic load was left to me then no way would I agree to it and particularly not while eight months pregnant that's utter madness! Even asking to come to stay when you're so heavily pregnant is beyond rude. YANBU.

@Drinkingallthewine

Here's what I would do: Firstly, invite all 7 for that weekend. Then run down every consumable in the house - from freezer & pantry contents to toilet paper. Do not lift a single finger to help H prepare for their arrival. Even if he needs to do a shop, you'll be resting so he needs to do that shopping with DD in the trolley. Then the day before they arrive, go to a 'midwife appointment' and check into a nice hotel. Ring H and tell him the hospital are keeping you in because of slightly high BP. No visitors or phone calls due to covid. And you need to turn your phone off due to the machines used by the other patients. Put those feet up in a hotel and relax. Get lots of sleep. Leisurely baths. A massage or a facial. Watch cheesy sitcoms surrounded by crisp packets, read lots of books or trashy magazines - whatever your idea of total relaxation is, do that. Return the day after the guests leave and make it clear you expect him to have the house pristine. With luck he'll be so fucking shattered from the experience he'll think twice ever inviting the lot of them again.

I think I love you @Drinkingallthewine

@Bex09787

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS has the right idea!

How rude and inconsiderate of your husband’s family to impose themselves on you . They are not thinking of you, so you don’t have to think about them.
Go to a hotel or bnb. You need calm and rest, not this stress.
If your husband is too weak to say anything to his family, he can deal with the consequences.