To say no to 7 house guests?

[Bex09787]

I just preface this with saying I’m a bit of a natural introvert..I love socialising for limited periods of time but like to have my space too, especially at home. The problem is my husbands family live miles away which means visits are always extended (1 week or so stays). I know this is part and parcel of being married and I found it fine till we had kids really then I just find it a bit much looking after baby / toddler and guests.

My husbands family usually come in smaller groups but they’ve asked if 7 of them (inc two toddlers) can come for 3 nights...I’ve had to say no but I feel like they probably think I’m being difficult! I’m 8 mths pregnant so pretty shattered and have a 21 month old. We do have a big house but not big enough for that many of them so would mean blow up beds in living room and hallway...just seems a bit much!

Husband has said he’s fine to say no but he’s said he would say yes himself so of course has told them it’s me that doesn’t want them rather than being a united front!

@Goldbar

I'd let him have his family to stay.

And then I'd book myself an Airbnb for the duration of their visit and move out (leaving the toddler behind) so I could have a nice rest by myself before the baby arrives.

Then I'd make him send me pictures showing everything tidy and beds changed before I came back.

100%

@Aquamarine1029

I would say HELL NO and not give it a second thought. You're heavily pregnant with a toddler and they think it's reasonable for seven people to visit for 3/4 days? They are unhinged.

This with bells on. Cannot think why they have the brass neck to ask. They definitely are mad in some way and at best inconsiderate too.

I wouldn't mind it. But we are all different. it sounds like he's respecting your views but saying 'Bex09787' doesn't like it - which is a bit of a cop out. But he doesn't need to present a united view.

They can stay in a b&b.

it's one of the problems of a big house that I hadn't factored in before we moved into one, that every bugger thinks they can come and stay.

H is being shit making out that you’re the ‘bad guy’.

Can you stay with your family/friends for a few days OP? I wouldn't hang about for MIL to be snarky while she insists her and her DH sleep in different bedrooms. I would have a difficult time respecting such a coward as your DH appears to be.

Ludicrous.
Selfish, cheeky fuckers for even thinking this is ok in anyway at all.
And DH can fuck off too. He won't be the one doing the bulk of the work dealing with the guests

The only possible saving grace is that you get their visit out of the way now. Then they've no grounds for expecting to visit after the new baby's born.

Don't know how long you'd be able to put them off for, or whether in fact visits breed more visits but it might give you a good excuse to keep them away for a while.

Thanks everyone, glad to hear it’s not just me! This happened when I was pregnant with my first..in the last month or two before baby arrives I feel very much like I just want to be left alone but it seems to coincide with everyone wanting to descend on you at once!

My MIL is a pure extravert and very much the more the merrier in every context so she doesn’t get it at all...she’s been funny already saying ‘oh well it would have been nice to get the kids together’ but isn’t prepared to inconvenience herself by sharing a room so I don’t know why I should be expected to.

Husband to be fair to him would be hands on with cooking and bed making but he leaves all the entertaining to me and ends up sitting quietly on his phone all night while I make all the conversation and I’m too tired for it. Toddlers wouldn’t fit in a room with the parents as the spare rooms are still small..

I know they think I’m difficult as I had to do this after we had our first baby and they all wanted to come up at 3 weeks old..I said fine come whenever but has to be hotel so they did it but weren’t pleased and still stayed at ours all day long when I was still trying to figure out breastfeeding etc. I’ve got that battle to come as they’ll want to do it again. I am annoyed with husband as he’s basically said it’s fine with him (because he’s not 8 mths pregnant?!) so because so am heavily pregnant it’s my problem or something...

Just want to few quiet weeks now as I was a week early last time so it could be even earlier this time. I’m going to remind them of that too. I’m past caring if I’ve upset anyone now though they’ll just have to get over it

When are they talking about coming, and how many weeks will you be? 37 weeks is term and a normal time to go into labour?
I think the whole idea is bizarre.Visiting for the day maybe to catch up, but inviting yourself to stay for 3-4 day

I don't think doing cooking and cleaning but leaving the actual entertaining to you is him stepping up at all!!!

my hot tip for when you have a newborn (or are heavily pregnant) and there are lots of people in the house.... just absent yourself. I totally mastered the art of just quietly drifting out of a room, with DS if I was BF, and going into my own room and then just staying there. Now, when MIL is with us, I will happily sit and chat with her, but feel zero obligation to entertain her. She can entertain herself or DH can do it.

But it takes some practice.

So the end of next week, I’m 35 weeks now so I’ll be nearly 36 weeks when they arrive. I don’t mind too much just the three of them because my mum lived close by and if I did go into early labour she has room to quickly accommodate them - whereas with 7 we would be stuck with them and I think that’s why I feel so stressed about it. I’m not over the moon by 3 coming so close but I think it feels a lot less invasive when the living room and landing haven’t been taken over.

Your DH playing on his phone when you have guests, his guests is sooo rude!

@lottiegarbanzo

Your DH playing on his phone when you have guests, his guests is sooo rude!

100% agree with this.

My advice would be with the 3 that are coming for a visit, is to use your pregnancy to your advantage and take yourself off to your room when you want as you are tired and leave your DH to his family in the living room. Say nice and clearly "DH, I'm going for a lie down now as I'm tired, so you have to look after X, Y and Z and getting DChild to bed" and then leave.

Do you have a little telly upstairs @Bex09787 and is it in your room? I'd start watching that and using the subtitles so the volume can be kept low. I wouldn't never dream of imposing on a relative let alone a pregnant relative at such a time. They are being very very rude and your DH is not helping matters here. I can see that the apple didn't fall far from the tree in his case.

My ex's family tried to do pretty much exactly this except we had a tiny 3 bed cottage and they wanted to come up days before and days after the birth. They arrived in the hospital on day 2 after I had my first as a "nice surprise" and stayed for 6 hours. His laziness and lack of backbone especially where his family was involved are part of the reason he is an ex.

OP

My DH disappears upstairs or tries to pretend he's not on his phone when his DM and DSFIL come to stay but they both have an amazing ability to talk non-stop about ANYTHING, FOR HOURS, it's honestly like white noise to me after all this time. Luckily they've not visited for ages (thank you Covid) and it looks like being a long time until 'a visit will be next mentioned.

Don’t entertain them. Sit beside your H and play on your phone.

OP,
I mean this kindly but your husband sounds like a selfish piece of work and you are TOO tolerant.

He sits on his phone with guests? His family? So ignorant. So rude.

Pack a bag and go to your mother's for a rest.

Leave him and the toddler to it.

You are accepting his awful behaviour so of course it continues.

Stop accepting his selfishness.

You need to rest.
Go to your mother's.

Def not unreasonable. Can’t believe they have suggested this. So much work involved in a couple of house guests, never mind 7! You’re 8 months pregnant. You need to be taking it easy OP x

Say no. Tell him to tell them that the pregnancy has made you too tired for guests at the mo.

Over my dead body! Book into a hotel OP

I would say HELL NO and not give it a second thought. You're heavily pregnant with a toddler and they think it's reasonable for seven people to visit for 3/4 days? They are unhinged.

This...

My husband still doesn't understand why I can't forgive him for not doing as he suggested he would, and arranging a room somewhere for our mothers to stay when our second was born. They were supposed to be tag-teaming and mil couldn't do as she was asked and check with my mother directly regarding travel dates (they live in the same city, overseas). DH didn't think either issue mattered as we had a sofa bed in the living room and an air mattress in the spare room (which doubled as a study and incidentally became my preferred feeding location after no 2 was born ...), so of course both our mothers could stay at the same time ...

All of this happened 16 years ago ...

You are absolutely right to put your foot down and expect visitor numbers and locations to be curtailed! Best wishes for the imminent arrival!

Toddlers need to be in the bedroom with parents good grief imagine the carnage they could cause left alone downstairs all night! Also his parents need to give their heads a wobble. What they do at home is one thing but poor bloody kids need a bedroom and their selfish behaviour just proves that they are idiots

If your DH is fine to say yes, then tell him to crack on and you'll move out to a B&B leaving him with the 21 month old. Remind him that he's have to clean and tidy, do a mammoth shop, make 7 beds, and do all the cooking and washing up.

If he's not up for that, tell him he needs to tell his relatives he is the one who is saying no, not you. In fact, tell them that yourself.

No way. That is why there is Travelodge and Premier Inn. It would end in tears.