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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to 7 house guests?

189 replies

Bex09787 · 21/09/2021 22:21

I just preface this with saying I’m a bit of a natural introvert..I love socialising for limited periods of time but like to have my space too, especially at home. The problem is my husbands family live miles away which means visits are always extended (1 week or so stays). I know this is part and parcel of being married and I found it fine till we had kids really then I just find it a bit much looking after baby / toddler and guests.

My husbands family usually come in smaller groups but they’ve asked if 7 of them (inc two toddlers) can come for 3 nights...I’ve had to say no but I feel like they probably think I’m being difficult! I’m 8 mths pregnant so pretty shattered and have a 21 month old. We do have a big house but not big enough for that many of them so would mean blow up beds in living room and hallway...just seems a bit much!

Husband has said he’s fine to say no but he’s said he would say yes himself so of course has told them it’s me that doesn’t want them rather than being a united front!

OP posts:
5zeds · 22/09/2021 05:44

Why can’t the toddlers go in with their parents and the brother go in with his Dad?

BarbaraofSeville · 22/09/2021 06:03

Book yourself into a local hotel the day before they're due to arrive and leave him to it.

Pop round for a couple of hours every afternoon to show your face.

PrincessNutella · 22/09/2021 06:03

Wow, what kind of horrible pregnant woman is not interested in having seven people visit for three or four days? Especially if it involves opinionated in-laws who won't sleep in the same room and toddlers? What is this world coming to?

Sciurus83 · 22/09/2021 06:23

Yes what everyone else said, don't feel guilty for a second. But seriously they won't share a room under those circumstances? WHY? Are they the King and Queen of Prussia and heaven forfend the lowly serfs question any request no matter how outlandish? Do you peel their grapes and serve roast Swan without ever turning your back on them or looking them in the eye for fear of offending their Royal sensibilities? The mind boggles.

LemonDrizzles · 22/09/2021 06:29

You are not being unreasonable. 8 months is the time to get the home in a ready state of calm for the arrival of an addition. Not the time to put out all the blow up beds for a recreational visit. (Would be another thing if you lived in a smaller home and said singular blow up mattress was for a supportive relative who wanted to come stay to help in the early weeks whose contribution you knew would actually be a harmonious contribution!)

onelittlefrog · 22/09/2021 06:38

You are pregnant and have a toddler - it woud be absolute chaos for you to have so many guests in your house that some are having to stay on blow-up beds in the hall Confused

It's also awful of your husband to tell them that he would have them but you are saying no, making you out to be the bad guy.

HomeSliceKnowsBest · 22/09/2021 06:39

Mumsnet makes me so glad to be a single parent, on a daily basis.
Your DP is a spineless Mummy's boy. How unattractive.

KangarooSally · 22/09/2021 06:42

Definitely book an air BnB for the duration of their visit

dottiedodah · 22/09/2021 06:48

I would say to dh that you would struggle. He probably knows this anyway! Give him the address of the local premier inns and forget about any feelings of guilt! Honestly the cheek of some people!

Nomorefuckstogive · 22/09/2021 06:48

You’re pregnant and tired. You have a toddler. YANBU. The end.

daisyducky · 22/09/2021 06:52

It's a no being 8 months pregnant. Are they all mad!

Even if you weren't the sleeping suggestion is bonkers. There's no way I'd leave toddlers to sleep in anyone's living room unsupervised. With 2 myself of that age we usually all bung in together or the older more sensible one takes a box room but even then she can get scared in the night / morning when she wakes up. But also wouldn't you need the lounge in the evening when toddlers would be sleeping,

I hope your DH does all the entertainment for his 3 & will realise how crazy it was to even think 7 people could come

SinoohXaenaHide · 22/09/2021 06:59

Blow up beds in the hallway is a step too far, that is more houseguests than is reasonable.

Research sites like airbnb and vrbo for nearby houses available to let, and rent one of those for the weekend/week/whatever. Then you can spend lots of time together in the daytimes and each have yoir own space for bed time and at night.

pilates · 22/09/2021 07:01

I would be more pissed off that your DH didn’t back you up

Strawbsaturno · 22/09/2021 07:08

DH needs to grow a pair and quickly and tell his family it’s an absurd idea. Who on earth thinks it’s ok for 7 houseguests to descend on an 8 months pregnant woman?!?!
And as for your MIL being ‘direct’… well 2 can play at that game. If she raises it with you and moans, just laugh and say ‘are you actually kidding…. Of course we can’t host 7 people when I’m about to have a baby!!
To top it all off the PIL are bagging 2 out of 3 bedrooms….you have a load of CF’s on your hands here!

Nomorepies · 22/09/2021 07:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

astuz · 22/09/2021 07:10

My DH can be like this with guests - he loves hosting, whereas I don't. After being married a long time, I've discovered that the best way to deal with it, is just agree to it in a breezy "yes that's fine" kind of way, BUT I then do literally nothing to facilitate anyone coming to stay. I don't have anything to do with contacting his family or discussing meeting up with them. 95% of the time my DH ends up asking them too late after they've already made plans, so it doesn't happen, but on the rare occasion it does, I literally do nothing to sort out for their arrival - I don't make beds, blow up beds. I don't even think about where they're going to sleep - I just carry on with my life as normal. I do none of the cooking. The only thing I do is make polite conversation while they're there.

Don't know if it would work for you - it works for me but mainly because my DH never gets on with things when it comes to organising meet ups etc. When we first got married, I used to panic, give a flat "no" and end up having an argument about it, whereas there's no argument to be had this way.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/09/2021 07:15

Crikey your husband should have your back on this. Having your Pil and bil is going to be tough as it is. I love how astuz deals with her inlaws. I’d make an effort to do this tbh and tell him you’re doing nothing toward their visit. And if it’s for 3 nights, is he taking time off?!

SeasonFinale · 22/09/2021 07:21

I wouldn't have agreed to the 3 of then coming either.

Please ensure you do nothing.

Bluntness100 · 22/09/2021 07:24

I don’t understand those sleeping arrangements. Why can’t the toddlers be in with their parents and the father on a blow up on the same room as his father?

Strawbsaturno · 22/09/2021 07:25

@astuz

My DH can be like this with guests - he loves hosting, whereas I don't. After being married a long time, I've discovered that the best way to deal with it, is just agree to it in a breezy "yes that's fine" kind of way, BUT I then do literally nothing to facilitate anyone coming to stay. I don't have anything to do with contacting his family or discussing meeting up with them. 95% of the time my DH ends up asking them too late after they've already made plans, so it doesn't happen, but on the rare occasion it does, I literally do nothing to sort out for their arrival - I don't make beds, blow up beds. I don't even think about where they're going to sleep - I just carry on with my life as normal. I do none of the cooking. The only thing I do is make polite conversation while they're there.

Don't know if it would work for you - it works for me but mainly because my DH never gets on with things when it comes to organising meet ups etc. When we first got married, I used to panic, give a flat "no" and end up having an argument about it, whereas there's no argument to be had this way.

A masterclass from @astuz there !! If you do this, leave it until the baby is older though… just in case they go ahead and turn up!
Briony123 · 22/09/2021 07:25

Leave it all to your husband - the dates, the food, the sleeping arrangements. If anyone mentions it to you just tell them your husband is the one to talk to. Then you carry on as normal. Make sure you are out at the playground/play centre a lot in the few preceding days and the day of arrival. Also "pop out" before mealtimes so you don't get roped into helping.

Standrewsschool · 22/09/2021 07:29

You’re eight months regnant and they want to visit now! Put them off until baby is at least five months old!

CookPassBabtridge · 22/09/2021 07:33

My DPs family are all spread out so it means extended stays either with us or us with them, thankfully covid has meant the last one was ages ago. It's one thing I'm looking forward to not dealing with once we split up. They're all lovely people but I'm done socialising after a few hours.

starfish4 · 22/09/2021 07:33

I was thinking YABU given they have to travel some distance, until I read your eight months pregnant. Only way I'd say yes, is if DH sorted all the food, airbeds, bedding, cleaning beforehand and cooked meals (I bet he isn't willing to do all that). Another thing for you to consider is, do you want to risk them being here if you went into labour (I had my DD was 37 weeks so you can't be far off that).

NichyNoo · 22/09/2021 07:36

Stand your ground. And the kids would sleep in blow up beds in the bedroom of MIL, FIL and their parents….surely?!!,