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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to 7 house guests?

189 replies

Bex09787 · 21/09/2021 22:21

I just preface this with saying I’m a bit of a natural introvert..I love socialising for limited periods of time but like to have my space too, especially at home. The problem is my husbands family live miles away which means visits are always extended (1 week or so stays). I know this is part and parcel of being married and I found it fine till we had kids really then I just find it a bit much looking after baby / toddler and guests.

My husbands family usually come in smaller groups but they’ve asked if 7 of them (inc two toddlers) can come for 3 nights...I’ve had to say no but I feel like they probably think I’m being difficult! I’m 8 mths pregnant so pretty shattered and have a 21 month old. We do have a big house but not big enough for that many of them so would mean blow up beds in living room and hallway...just seems a bit much!

Husband has said he’s fine to say no but he’s said he would say yes himself so of course has told them it’s me that doesn’t want them rather than being a united front!

OP posts:
MonsteraMother · 23/09/2021 18:38

Say 'yes', then book yourself a babymoon night away all alone. Leave other half to cook, clean and make sure there's toilet paper!

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 23/09/2021 18:39

I would take to my bedroom for the duration and say that your midwife has prescribed bedrest due to high blood pressure.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 23/09/2021 18:40

You know what they say about guests? They are like fish. They go off after 3 days!

WildfirePonie · 23/09/2021 19:05

Sod that. I wouldn't entertain either. Just go and chill in your bedroom and leave them all to it.

MummyMayo1988 · 23/09/2021 19:06

We live in a lidist 3 bedroom home.
The year my FIL passed away (in the November) I had my DH's entire family here for Xmas.
It was:
Us and our 3 children.
MIL.
BIL and SIL and their 1yr old.
BIL and SIL and their 2 children plus their older child and her BF.
It was packed! But soo worth it in the end. We all needed it and made it work. I love my DH's family dearly. We all pitched in and had an amazing Christmas. We had tons of Xmas magic for all the little ones - it was an Xmas none of them will never forget. Most importantly; my MIL was in a home filled with love on her first Xmas without her DH.
Don't regret it and would do it again in a heartbeat!

Fleshmechanic · 23/09/2021 19:20

They can totally stay! You go have a nice break in a hotel for 3 nights pending your new arrival in a few weeks. And his mum can share a bed with her son! Perfect, right?

Alleycat1 · 23/09/2021 19:38

7 house guests is a big ask at any time but you are 8 months pregnant! What the hell are your in-laws and D H thinking?!!! Stick to your guns Op.

Tigger1895 · 23/09/2021 19:41

If it was me my hubby would be sleeping on a blowup mattress in the garden. How dare he undermine you in such a way. It would be bad enough on any occasion but being 8 months pregnant it is completely ignorant of him and those who expect you to think it’s alright.

Finknottlesnewt · 23/09/2021 19:43

Actually I would've care..as long as they understand that I won't be doing ;
Any bed making
Cooking
Hosting beyond that I was comfortable with .. (ie bogging off to bed at 7:30 if I felt like it)

Really does depend on your guests, their expectations, your DH. and his expectations of you ...

HeyDuggeesFavouriteSquirrel · 23/09/2021 20:08

You have my sympathies entirely. I'm not an introvert but I do like my own space.

My husband said yes to his friend, his wife and their three kids staying with us. We have one DS ourselves and live in a flat albeit a reasonably sized one. Added to that I'd already said my friend could stay that weekend. My DH thought I was being unfair as they were all coming for DS's birthday but we have one spare room so it's fine for a single guest or a couple not a family of five.

Ended up ok with the older kids on a blow up bed, couple in the spare room with their toddler and we paid for a hotel for my friend. It was fun but wouldn't do it again and felt a bit ambushed by my DH. They also stayed four nights, when he said it would be three!

Cheeky DH suggested he should stay in the hotel which would leave me looking after all the guests and the baby!

maybloss2 · 23/09/2021 20:19

Hi op,
My daughter is a week off her due date. But a week ago her in laws arranged a visit from elderly mil. Then one bil hijacked the weekend and took the various rellies who were going to drop in out for a pub crawl. In London. My daughter was both upset and livid as it meant due to the high covid risk her plans for the weekend were completely railroaded.
Your in laws are being unreasonable. Your last month of pregnancy is when you want to be putting yr feet up whenever possible not picking them up in order to step over people scattered about your house. And as for refusing to share a room, that’s just really rude to call the shots in someone else’s home. AND what about keeping your covid risk as low as possible prior to giving birth!?🙀
You have the right to say no,no,no!
Good luck!

Fredstheteds · 23/09/2021 20:23

No say your busy enough but maybe you would be very willing to go out for a meal and maybe share a day out... the premier inn/ travel lodge is affordable. You don’t need to be cooking for 10, providing breakfast etc.

cookingisoverrated · 23/09/2021 20:30

@Goldbar

I'd let him have his family to stay.

And then I'd book myself an Airbnb for the duration of their visit and move out (leaving the toddler behind) so I could have a nice rest by myself before the baby arrives.

Then I'd make him send me pictures showing everything tidy and beds changed before I came back.

Please do this! Make him responsible for hosting the entire visit and all the work involved (although they'll help the poor man, no doubt, since they are his family).

But at least you'd get a break.

caringcarer · 23/09/2021 20:31

I might be tempted to book myself into Travel Inn with several books, crochet, magazines and snacks and let your DH Look after 21 month old, and cater for them all. Then refuse to come back until all clean and tidy. It would be a nice little break for you at 8 months pregnant.

Smashingspinster · 23/09/2021 20:39

your husband is a knob.

BlueMongoose · 23/09/2021 20:54

His mum and dad won't share a room? Shock
Short of a medical reason otherwise, guests in my house don't get to decide stuff like that. My house, my rules. I have turned out of my own bed and slept on a futon downstairs so older visitors can have a more comfortable bed, so I'm not unreasonable or mean. And I do take into account genuine needs, like allergies to feather pillows, etc. But people don't get to decide for themselves where they sleep unless I decide to give them the choice.
And 7 people to cook and clean and wash bedding for when you're expecting? Cheeky in the extreme to ask for that.
IMO, 7 guests is too many unless you're running a hotel on the side, expecting or not. Grin

gah2teenagers · 23/09/2021 21:00

The main issue here is the stress to you and risk to the baby. Can you not put that across to your dim DH. Is he happy to step up and do all the bed changes and laundry on top of everything else. I’d also confiscate his phone for the duration

DuggeeHugPlease · 23/09/2021 21:33

I'd not even slightly entertain this idea! My first was a week early and second came just after 36 weeks so this actually brings me out in a cold sweat!
It was a big enough shock having a baby a month early without having a house full of guests.

trappistkepler · 23/09/2021 23:45

nobody normal would ask this of someone who is eight months pregnant

Mamanyt · 24/09/2021 00:44

Three days while you are 8 months pregnant is outrageous. Well, actually, two days while you are 8 months pregnant would be, as well. Stick to your guns. If questioned, just tell them that you are currently physically unable to look after guests, and will be until you have completely recovered following the arrival of you child.

me109f · 24/09/2021 01:27

Of course it is unreasonable to have to cope with so many 'guests'.

On the other hand, it depends on how sociable and flexible you are. If you explain as to your pregnant state and the limitions of the house they may still be keen to come.

You can then point out that you and DH cannot function as a hotel and that if they would really like to come they will have to muck in by doing the all cooking or providing meals, washing up and bring bedding and towels, inflatable beds etc. Also set a lesser number of days and be firm. 4 or 5 nights should be plenty in the circumstances, and insist there will be no increases in the length of stay.
I love this nonsense about FIL and MIL not wanting to share a bedroom! Thats definitely a booking for 2 rooms at a local hostalry!
That will cost them, the cheeky old idiots, let them book it and flash their own plastic. I bet they won't come! They don't want to miss out but want to come on a holiday on the cheap.

SleeplessinEastSussex · 24/09/2021 01:41

Why can't they just stay in a local cheap hotel?

liddlelambsydivey · 24/09/2021 02:07

Your husband is being unreasonable to put any pressure on you at all when you're so near your due date! I'd be furious if he let them know he'd be happy to have them. How cowardly and disloyal of him!

I'd stop being the entertainer, too, when his family visits. He can switch off the phone for an hour or two.

Alleycat1 · 24/09/2021 04:22

Of course, if they and your Dh insist that guests come you could take to your bed for the duration ( I am sure MN posters will be able to come up with a good pregnancy related reason for this) and let Dh cope with them. You can bet that he would never ignore your objections again. Get yourself a couple of good books,, relax and completely ignore the whinging that would ensue. Most men have absolutely no idea of the work involved in having house guests.

RachaelN · 24/09/2021 04:26

You are 8 months pregnant. You shouldn't have to host anyone at that stage in pregnancy. Sounds like dh needs a reality check. Not nice to blame it on you.